Remind me to update my interests.
uh. . . . this first entry is just for sex-ed class
Sometimes when s**t happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a s**t. Here are some s**t definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
You know you've s**t. There's s**t on the toilet paper, but no s**t in the bowl.
Teflon Coated s**t
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of s**t on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your a** 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This s**t leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought s**t
You're all done wiping your a** and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead s**t
This kind is the kind of s**t that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly s**t
You s**t so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now s**t
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker s**t
This s**t is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of s**t usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks s**t
This s**t hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your a** wet.
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no s**t!
Cement Block or Oh God s**t
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you s**t.
This s**t is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork s**t (Also Known as Floater s**t)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This s**t usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food s**t (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your a*****e stops burning.
Beer Drunk s**t
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your s**t doesn't smell too bad, but this s**t is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of s**t also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of s**t that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee s**t
The kind of s**t that just hangs off your a** before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire s**t
The kind of s**t where you eat really spicy food and your a*****e feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The kind of s**t where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of s**t that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of s**t that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk s**t
The king of s**t that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper s**t
The kind of s**t that yanks out the hair of your a** as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant s**t you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas s**t
The kind of s**t that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl s**t
The kind of s**t that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City s**t
When you sit d
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