Mainstream Flat Liners
Famed attempts of crocodiles in the sky
Mourn their brothers of black roses and bowties.
An observation of webs through the morning dew grass.
These forgotten rhymes form the shadows of your past.
Exhibit A: The Lone, Striking Girl
Beauty is in the eyes of every beholder
As she flaunts her single skill.
Though little to no talent is needed,
It’s a pastime for the other fifty still.
She’ll dress per her mood,
In accordance with the sky
As jets overhead
Fly a low passerby.
Encounters have gifted her a timeless tale.
Colloquies in vanity, a bait-and-switch sale.
Given a shot, she’ll aim for the chest,
Just to your left, where aspirations rest.
But futures bother her not, if you know what I mean.
With looks like those,
Endowed an ends without means.
Now you may never know when draining slumbers will end
Because even with eyes open, these dreams seem to send
Etchings of visions that long for the past.
Every walk through the park was a walk through the grass.
Exhibit B: Your Local Cute Boy
Never top of the game,
He’s always halfway between.
Stuck in the ranks
Of every boy on the scene.
Mostly ever a friend
To every exhibit on show.
Dreaming in vacant fields,
His envy will forever grow.
He knows what he wants for every time or every two.
But before assertions first, the familiar chase has run through.
This moment he stands alone, static in the rain.
Waiting for a cab on the way, to bring him new pain.
So next time your lips burn for sentimental vice,
Remember that high ends fade.
But your local cute boy will forever and always look nice.
Mourn their brothers of black roses and bowties.
An observation of webs through the morning dew grass.
These forgotten rhymes form the shadows of your past.
Exhibit A: The Lone, Striking Girl
Beauty is in the eyes of every beholder
As she flaunts her single skill.
Though little to no talent is needed,
It’s a pastime for the other fifty still.
She’ll dress per her mood,
In accordance with the sky
As jets overhead
Fly a low passerby.
Encounters have gifted her a timeless tale.
Colloquies in vanity, a bait-and-switch sale.
Given a shot, she’ll aim for the chest,
Just to your left, where aspirations rest.
But futures bother her not, if you know what I mean.
With looks like those,
Endowed an ends without means.
Now you may never know when draining slumbers will end
Because even with eyes open, these dreams seem to send
Etchings of visions that long for the past.
Every walk through the park was a walk through the grass.
Exhibit B: Your Local Cute Boy
Never top of the game,
He’s always halfway between.
Stuck in the ranks
Of every boy on the scene.
Mostly ever a friend
To every exhibit on show.
Dreaming in vacant fields,
His envy will forever grow.
He knows what he wants for every time or every two.
But before assertions first, the familiar chase has run through.
This moment he stands alone, static in the rain.
Waiting for a cab on the way, to bring him new pain.
So next time your lips burn for sentimental vice,
Remember that high ends fade.
But your local cute boy will forever and always look nice.
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How to write a poetry critique from the 101 or 102 class and it's simple for an important reason (also considered basic "deconstruction" wink :
Step 1)
Read the poem aloud three times. This repetition will help you hear things that you would not normally grasp while simply reading a poem, and it will help you capture the rhythm of the author's words.
Step 2)
Write an overview before you sit down to write a poetry critique. Write down all of the main subjects and symbols in the piece to ensure that you have a firm grasp on the main idea.
Step 3)
Break the poem into chunks. You can either focus on one or two lines at a time, or focus on three to four lines. The poem will usually be set apart by some sort of punctuation that will help you in this.
Step 4)
Evaluate each chunk. This is where you get into the nitty gritty. Write a poetry critique by searching through each part of the poem for grammar, syntax, chosen words, figurative language, and organization. Search for the meaning behind each simile and metaphor used in the poem to dig out the entire meaning.
Step 5)
Be constructive with any criticism if you are critiquing an author's work for a workshop or as a favor. Though every author enjoys hearing "That's great," it doesn't help in the writing process. Go over all of the things you consider strong in the poem, and then offer advice as to how you think certain phrases or symbols may be clearer or better phrased.
You faltered in steps 2 and 4 due to and attempt to connect your two exhibits with pretty but conmpletely disconnected image that cause the reader to stagger and say "What was that?" or "Why?" No piece of work will stand well if only the author knows the "true and real and entirely correct" interpretations of their writings. At least someone has to get something out of it. Dealing with "CompPrep," Perhaps, you aren't old enought o experience the time when violent gangs actually wore matching "jackets'. In motorcycle clubs across America, even non-"outlaw" biker gangs, this method is stil utilized. Readers can only relate even the most abstract ideas and imagery to experience and knowledge (to illustrate: you cannot explain the color blue to a blind person - i. e. my often keep it simple comments) I'll admit to failure in step 5 in offering proper input which I am attempting to correct a bit here.
It is terrific to "deconstruct" criticism. Publishers and other writers, when it is their comments especially, do not and will not care for this at all. Word for wisdom, any attempt to throw intellectual indignation at a professional won't end up justifying the nickel you wasted on electricity to send the e-mail.
I'd recommend in reading: Samuel Beckett and particularly his literary criticisms. If you wish to get a grasp of true abstractionism in an existential bend, he would be perfect for you especially with some of your apparent themes.
I do apologize about this being so late in answering you. I am having some medical difficulties and do not know when we might continue our discussion in the future. I will reply when I can. It is the best I can offer.
Personally, I am a Bruce Weigl fan in poetry, but in part because I know the man. I'd recommend him as well. William Blake's "London" for quick simple remarkable yet connected and seemless imagery of a very dark flavor. Quite a few of the romantics in a matter of fact would work for you. There is a dark period of that movement which I believe would benefit you to persue.
If anythign else comes to mind I will post it here. Thank you for your time.
By the way do you attend college or are you a fellow bibliophile as well. Different critical forms were not what I expected to hear on this forum, yet it was refreshing and a little amusing I'll admit (but I'l explain that later if you ask). Have a good day.
I was gravely injured in the Gulf War years back and it affects me in subtle ways, so I do apologize for the sloppiness. I didn't think to MS Word the message then copy it accross like my colleagues constantly suggest to me. I also have my many faults such as forgetfulnes and I geuss prife , believeing I can continue just fine on my own without any help. It is a human failing I endeavor to address ... someday razz