Part 1 Aubrey
“Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.”
“Aubrey, this is my girlfriend Amy. Amy, this is my friend Aubrey.”
My heart broke with those words. It was a slow crack down the middle. I could feel every stitch that once held the pieces together pop off. I could hear it crack. I wonder if they could hear it too.
The girl stood before me a cheesy smile plastered across her face. She was dishwater blonde and blue eyed. I had to admit she was beautiful. More beautiful then I would ever be. She stuck her hand out and muttered a soft hello. I took her hand and shook it with a small smile on my face. Fake of course. Just pretend its okay. It’ll all be fine. I thought to myself letting the girls hand go after about three seconds. As I released it he took it. Sam. My best friend and the boy I was in love with and had been in love with for over seven years. My heart kept shattering. Pieces were breaking off now. One by one. A slow torturous process.
It was a beautiful day outside as we walked down the streets. Autumn was just rolling in and the leaves were already changing and falling from the trees around the suburbs we lived in. The wind whistled a small breeze through the air making it chilly. Just chilly enough to make Sam wrap his long arms around the blonde girl named Amy. I felt the envy burning inside my chest. The look in his eyes, as he looked at her was one of pure happiness. She didn’t even notice the way he was looking at her. I did. I wished it was me with every ounce of my body. I tried my hardest not to cry as he kissed her forehead. I was dying standing here watching this.
Look, I know I should’ve been happy for him. He was my best friend. He had been since the 5th grade. I remember the first day I saw him….
It was around late September to early October and I was at my locker he was standing right across the way at his locker chatting with one of his friends. His dark brown hair was lying in his eyes like it always did. He flipped it to one side and smiled. I found myself staring at him for no apparent reason. His eyes were warm chocolate brown with the gold around the edges sparkled. Eventually, I think he felt me staring at him and turned around and faced me, smiled, then waved. I swear as soon as we made eye contact the world fell apart and he was the only thing in my line of vision. The only thing in the world. He said hey a few times to me. But, he was in sixth grade and I was in fifth so I figured it was just a small crush or maybe nothing at all. I was young. But, after awhile we became best friends. We hung out on the weekends and talked on the phone all the time. We were always together. I fell in love with him. I was positive he loved me back.
It’s been seven years since then. I’m 16 and him almost 18. He had been acting extra flirty lately and he even kissed me a few times the last time we hung out. But, he had been acting strange and stopped flirting with me and was very bland lately. As I watched them hold hands and smile at each other I realized this was why. I couldn’t help but feel slighted, cheated, envious, and every other emotion known to man. But one emotion started to build up. Rage.
We had been walking for about fifteen minutes. Every minute I felt my rage building at a faster pace then it should’ve been growing. It wasn’t that big of a deal was it? It wasn’t. It’ll all be okay. It’ll all be okay. But, my thoughts vanished as I saw Sam lean down his lips pursed, closing his eyes on the way down from his six foot height to meet Amy’s five foot height and her closing her eyes puckering up. That’s it.
Do you ever have moments where you let your body take over? Like your sitting in the back of your mind just watching what your body does uncaring of the motive’s or actions? Just going with it? Like a blur? That’s what happened. All I remember was grasping Amy’s long blonde hair and pulling her away from Sam as their lips almost touched. I pushed her down to the side walk and hopped on top of her and began brutally punching her over and over again. Every blow had even more force then the first one. I was no longer in control of my actions. I just did. I didn’t think. Anything. Everything became a blur.
“Get off me you psycho!!!!” came a scream from the blonde as I began pulling at her hair. There was red blood coming from her lip and nose from where I had punched her. Sam grabbed me from behind and pulled me up off Amy. I kicked and thrashed with all of my might trying to get out of his grasp. I started screaming and then it turned into crying and sobbing. My body became limp after awhile. My muscles felt numb. Sam let me fall to the ground and picked Amy up from the ground and held her close.
“What the Hell Aubrey? What the hell was that?!” he yelled at me. I managed to look up at him with blurry eyes. The anger in his face was real. His eyes were bulging and his teeth were clenched together like his fists. His knuckles were white and I could tell he was holding back from getting physical with me.
“You what?! Thought it was okay to attack my girlfriend?! Just go! Go away! Never talk to me again! EVER!” he said still holding Amy who was now crying on his shoulder. I didn’t feel like I needed to apologize. The rage was still present and I stood up with every ounce of energy I had left and looked at him with eyes swollen from tears. His expression seemed to soften as he saw how upset I was, but the fury was still there.
“Fine! I’m done with you!” I said as I turned and started to run back to my house. The cold air blew through my brown pony tail as I ran with all my might trying to get there as fast as possible. I felt stupid for not wearing a jacket because as the evening grew closer the night was getting colder and the cold air bit into my skin. Tree branches hit me as I took a short cut through a trail and ended at my back door. Panting heavily, I lay my hands on my knees. I felt the sting of warm tears flowing from my eyes and I wiped them off with my arms. I slid open the glass door to our two story pea green ranch-style house and walked inside. My mom was in the kitchen getting ready to go out. I would be home alone. She smiled at me softly her soft blonde hair tied back into a bun and a black dress upon her body. She was radiant.
“Everything okay darling? You’re home pretty early.” she looked at her watch and asked again, “Is everything alright? It’s only six o’clock.”
“Yeah, everything is fine mom. Just tired,” I said with a soft smile. She walked around the island, heels clinking, to where I was standing and hugged me tightly.
“Okay, just know I’m always here for you baby cakes,” she kissed my cheek as I faked a smile. “I love you.”
“I love you too Mom,” I said and pulled away walking down the hall to the stairs.
I tip toed cautiously up the stairs. My face had too many encounters with hitting the floor from walking up the steps to quickly. I wasn’t going to risk it. At least not right now. I was having a horrible day.
I turned my heels on our cream colored carpet to the right and over to my door. I loved my door. It was different then most. It wasn’t the normal white door most people have in their household. It was a flat door about 3 inches thick complete with deadlock. But, the best thing about it was that it was green with a blue butterfly with my name on it. I loved my door. I made it myself. I reached my hand up to my neck and plucked off the necklace with my key on it and inserted the key into the lock and turned it left undoing the latch. I put the necklace back around my neck.
My fingers went to the silver doorknob and turned it. The coldness of the knob sent chills up my hand. I turned it left ways, and pushed the door open as if I was a woman in a horror movie trying to check for the killer when really he is just behind you. The door opened inwards and hit the wall behind it. Clunk. Nothing was there; just the window right across the door.
I walked in, steps slow and steady. I felt as if I was in a haze. Everything around me wasn’t real, as if I was imagining it all. Everything that happened today really didn’t happen. But, it did. I walked in some more to the middle of the floor and stopped and stared out the window across from me. There were just a few trees outside and the leaves on them were all orange. I took out my phone and sifted through my contacts and pushed the one labeled Sam.
The dial up tone came on. One ring …then another. The suspense was agonizing.
“Hello?” a voice said at the other end. Sam…
“Sam, listen to me. We need to talk!” I said through the phone. My voice filled with remorse for what I had done.
“Who is this?” he said. But, I knew he knew it was me by the way he said, “Is this Aubry?”
“Yes, now you’re probably going to hang up. I don’t blame you. Look me-“the other end hung up.
“Just go away! Never talk to me again! EVER!” the words echoed through my mind over and over again as I stood there. Phone still in hand.
Go away. Go away. Get out of my head. The words didn’t go away. They were echoing over and over like my mind was an endless chasm of nothing. I raised my hands to my head and pulled at my hair. The pain would get it out of my mind for sure.
“Never talk to me again!” It echoed over again.
“Stop! Stop it now!” I said clutching more hair on my head and pulling harder. A few pieces plucked off. I bent over in pain and irritation; dropping to my knees. My eyes started to water. The tears were coming back and the warmth of them rolled down my cheeks once more.
What the hell is going on?!?! I thought. I had never felt this way before. I was going into a panic. My body started shaking. I felt like the emotions in me were having a fully fledged war and I was just the terrain. I felt crazy. Was this what it was like to be insane? I started crying even more. I took the phone and I threw it across the room in rage. I was so upset with myself for some reason. I didn’t know what was going on. I felt like I was watching someone in a white walled room with a straightjacket fighting to get out. Screaming, kicking, thrashing. Like a two year old having a tantrum. But, it was actually me doing all the kicking and thrashing and screaming.
“How did you let him get away Aubrey? How did you let some other girl and take what was rightfully yours? How!? Tell me how!” my head screamed at me. I shook my head no and covered my face with my hands.
“I don’t know!! I don’t know!!” I repeated over and over again. I wondered if the neighbors would hear me. I was home alone and my house was a bit away from the neighbors. No one could hear me. No one could help. That thought just threw me into even more of a rage. No one cared. I was alone. Alone. Abandoned.
To die. That was all I wanted. To die and leave this God forsaken universe. A life without Sam was one I wasn’t willing to live. I was going to do it this time. I decided in that moment. I was going to kill myself.
I looked at the floor and watched my legs stand myself up. I wasn’t in control of my body. My mind had gone into the depths of no where. It wouldn’t tell me to stop or to go. My body just took over. My emotions were overriding everything. My body walked out of my door and into the hallway shuffling my feet as I walked down the hall to the stairs. I stared at the bottom wondering if I fell down them would I break my neck and die. I guess my body decided it wasn’t good enough because it then stepped down the steps with a slow steady pace once again. Once it reached the bottom of the stairwell it turned the corner left and went into the kitchen pulling out drawers and sifting through the content. In a cabinet above the microwave it found what it was looking for. The pills were endless.
My family had horrible medical past. My mom had kidney stones, migraines, and some gland in her was overactive or whatever. My dad had a personality disorder, an eye stigma, and insomnia problems. There was the ticket out. I remembered reading something about sleeping pills being a silent killer. If you OD then you would fall asleep and vomit then your vomit would choke you to death. Sounded good to me I guess because my hand reached out to the cabinet shelf and picked up the orange pill bottle labeled Sleepatone. I turned around and ran to the stairs and skipped up them quickly. My toe caught onto one of the stairs and I toppled over and hit my head at the top of the stairs. Luckily they were carpet. I pushed myself up from the carpet. My ponytail was now falling apart more hair falling in front of my eyes.
The hall was dark. I was stumbling on my own feet and bumping into walls until I found myself at my door again. I ripped the key from my neck and tried slipping it into the lock. I didn’t notice it but I was panting and shaking making it hard to put the key into the lock. I took a deep breathe in and steady my hand just enough to out the key into the lock and turn it hearing the Clunk of the deadlock moving out of place. I pushed the door open and walked inside. I sat down in the middle of the room once more and looked out the window. There was darkness. The lights of other houses down the street illuminating the window a little bit. I watched the world outside as it turned and people went along with their lives. Would anyone care? Would everyone just move on with their lives and not even stop to think about me? But most of all; what would Sam do?
I started second guessing. It was selfish to commit suicide. A lot of people would be hurt; my mom, dad, family, friends. I would never be able to see Sam again. But then I remembered the words…
Never talk to me again! EVER!
They echoed. Over and over and over and over. Not stopping no matter how much my thoughts screamed at it. I put my hands to my ears and started shaking my head.
“No! No! Get out of my head! Stop! Stop! STOP!” I screamed out in agony as the words got louder. I couldn’t take it anymore. I opened the pill bottle and poured them into my mouth and swallowed. My eyes started getting heavy. The world spun around my eyes. Everything was blurring out. I started coughing. My eyes started closing slowly. I watched outside the window at the world. I looked at the digital clock 7:00 PM It was time. My eyes shut all the way and the world around me went black.
Part 2 Sam
“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves”
At the time I didn’t know how things were going to go. There was a lot of confusion in my life right now and I contemplated it all as I sat in the kitchen looking at my cell phone. It was small compared to my hand. I had big hands, with calluses from playing my guitar so much. They matched me though. I was about six-foot-three and I towered above most people. So, it was pretty normal for a guy my size to have big hands.
I let out a heavy sigh and ran my fingers through my brown hair. It was in my eyes again and it was annoying. I flipped it to one side of my head and shoved my phone in my pocket. Amy hadn’t texted me yet. I was coming off of the anger high I had earlier. I still couldn’t believe that Aubrey had just jumped on her and just started beating her. I should’ve stopped it before it could go any further. But, I was just stunned. All I did was stand there. I could’ve stopped a lot of things in my life. Like my mom and dad getting divorced, my brother smoking marijuana, and Aubrey from hurting Amy…
I shook my head and looked at the ground. I had no reason to feel bad. It wasn’t my fault. Aubry would get over it, Amy might break up with me but I can always get a new girlfriend.
“Everything will turn out fine”, I hoped as I got up from the chair and walked through the door to my room. I picked up my white and gray semi-hollow body guitar, resting the strap on my shoulder. I took the pick out that was held between the first and third string and began plucking out a song.
“Were you honest when you said, I could never leave your bed? Wake me up and let me know you’re alive. And will you fall in love again? Is the scent slowly spreading? I’ve been answering machines all night!” the words flowed out nicely and I closed my eyes getting lost in the melody.
“The moment that’s where I, kill the conversation, wrap this up, with a knife that loves to feel. How do you know how deep to go before it's real? Take me home! Can I even complicate your breathing? I guess I'm just your average boy. This is me! With a knife in the back, and a grip on the grass. Its cold and I don't want to be here. I guess I'm never comfortable or situational. Are we losing, or beginning, to try a new life without you….” I sung. I stopped plucking the guitar after that line and started thinking again.
I had lost her, Aubry, my best friend. She had always been there for me and I just pushed her away today. I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have said those things to her. We had been in this cycle for awhile now. We would be fine, then we would fight, then we would make up, and repeat. I think it was about time to stop the cycle and talk to her, apologize. Then she would apologize and we’d be fine. Right? I would have to find out. I got up off my bed and set my guitar down leaning against the bed and headed out the door and down the steps.
As I walked outside I hadn’t realized it was about nine o’clock and I really shouldn’t be going over. But, under this circumstance I didn’t really care. I walked down the sidewalk slowly, hands in my pockets, looking around. Everywhere I turned I could remember a time me and Aubry spent together. There was the big oak tree we climbed up at thirteen years old and shared our first kiss. There was the park where she broke her leg and I had to carry her home at age twelve. There was the hill we would sit on and look at the stars every time one of us was having problems. Why the heck did I just push her away?
I got to her house and walked around back. Her folks were gone, no car in the driveway. I got to the back patio and looked to the right where there was a small fern, shoving my hand into the plant I looked for the key they kept incase they got locked out. Aubrey had gotten locked out more then enough times when I walked her home or when we came home from school and were going to hang out. I picked up the key eventually and pulled it from the plant, putting it into the lock and turning. The lock undid and I opened the back door. I walked through the kitchen and dropped the key on the counter.
“Aubrey! It’s Sam! We need to talk!” I shouted as I turned in the hall and started up the stairs. I turned the corner and over to her door. It was obviously her door considering it had her name on it in a bright blue. Her favorite color. I turned the handle and pushed inward. It didn’t budge. She probably heard me coming and locked the door. I banged on the door with my fist.
“Aubrey! Open up please. I want to apologize.” No answer. I banged harder, “Aubrey, come on!! Please!” It seemed as if I was talking to a wall. Well technically, a door. I tried opening the door again. Still no budge. I was getting agitated now. I understood she was mad but it gave her no right to ignore me.
I turned around and walked back down the stairs, out the front door and to the side of the house where there was Aubrey’s window on the upper floor. I looked around the ground and found an acorn. I picked it up and threw it at her window. It hit. I waited…. Nothing. I let out a loud sigh and walked up to the large tree in front of the window. I climbed up, branch by branch. Eventually, I reached the top of the tree and close to Aubrey’s window. There was a branch leading out to the window. I crawled outwards onto branch, just close enough to reach the window.
Please be unlocked. I hoped to myself. I pulled the screening off and dropped it to the ground. Then I closed my eyes and pushed upwards with my fingers. Tssssss. It opened. I smiled happily and hoped through the window. Aubrey was lying in the middle of the floor. She seemed to be asleep. I smiled to myself and knelt down beside her. I moved her hair out of her face. Her eyes were closed. But, it didn’t seem like she was sleeping. Her face was pale. I touched her cheek. It was cold.
“Aubrey, wake up. Aubrey. Please!” I said shaking her body. It was still, almost lifeless. I started crying. I was unsure why. But, the tears came out. My voice became soft as I called for her to wake up. I had to face it. Something was wrong and I needed to call for help. I took out my phone with shaking hands and pushed the buttons stumbling a few times having to start over a few times.
9-1-1….Ring….Ring….Ring, “9-1-1, what’s your emergency,” the woman said.
“Hi! My friend won’t wake up! She won’t wake up,” I said through sobs. I looked around for some explanation. As if on cue, I found a pill bottle, “Sleeping pills! I think she O.D’d on sleeping pills! Please, get here as soon as possible.”
She asked for the address. I told her. She said they would be there any minute. I took her hand and put it to my face, cold. Aubrey was never cold. She was always warm; especially her hands.
“Come on Aubrey. Please, wake up.” I said through tears. I never cried anymore. Maybe it was the thought of losing the only person who cared about me. Maybe, just maybe, it was because I loved her. But, I kenw I wasn’t ready to lose her. Not yet.
Minutes felt like hours. But, the ambulance came in a matter of five minutes. I ran down the steps and over to the EMT’s and showed them where she was. As we were heading into the house Mr. and Mrs.Watkis came home. They ran up to the door and looked dead at me.
“Sam, what happened?” Mrs. Watkis said. I couldn’t respond. As if my mind had just lost all ability to control my mouth. I just stood there with tears. Mr. Watkis came up to me and pulled me by the shirt. His breathe was hot against my face. I just stared at him.
“I swear. If you did anything to my daughter you will be in a sh*t load of trouble. Do you understand me?” he said. I swear I saw fire in his eyes. There are two things you never do in life; lose a pen, and get between a man and his daughter.
“I found her like that…” I said with a straight face.
“Found her how?” Mrs. Watkis said through tears. I turned my face to her slowly.
“Dead. I think” I said. At that second Mr. Watkis let go of me and ran into the house. Mrs. Watkis started crying and followed. I just stood there. In minutes the EMT’s came with the stretcher through the door. Aubrey’s parents followed them into the ambulance. A police officer came up to me and smiled softly.
“Do you know what happened?” she said.
“No. I came in, I found her on the middle of the floor with a bottle of pills.” I said. I showed no emotion. There was nothing in me anymore. Everything was dead and gone away inside. I was a hollow robot.
“Thank you, sir.” She said and walked away.
I began walking home then. The walk home was silent and life less. I watched my feet only. I did, said, and looked, at nothing. I got home and opened the door. Mom was passed out on the couch. Drunk again. I wandered into my bedroom and sat down. I picked up the guitar again. I could forget it all with a song. That’s all it would take.
“And I don't care if you're sick, I don't care if you're contagious. I would kiss you even if you were dead. Would somebody make me go blind for the rest of my life? 'Cause I'd do anything to hold your hand. And I don't care if you're sick, I don't care if you're contagious. Oh, no. Would somebody make me go blind for the rest of my life? 'Cause I'd do anything, anything, anything….” I stopped. I threw the semi-hollow onto the floor and stood up.
It’s your entire fault same. All you’re FAULT! My thoughts rambled. She was dead. I knew it was my fault. I felt the guilt building up. I knew it was my entire fault. I knew, I knew! I picked up the lamp on the bed-side table and threw it at the wall with all my might. It shattered instantly. I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palm; it hurt from all the pressure. I knew I was bleeding. I could feel the blood on my hand. But, I felt like I deserved it. I felt like I deserved to die. I walked around, pacing.
“Ugh! Why did this happen to me!? Me of all people?! Don’t you think I have had enough misery in my life?!” I shouted to the sky. There was no God. If there was then why didn’t he spare her? What had she done to deserve this? She was perfect. Perfect for me…
I was an idiot. I knew she loved me. In the back of my mind I knew I loved her back. I was stupid not to ask her out. I was working up to it. But, Amy came along and asked. She was a nice girl. But, Aubrey….She had never reacted like this before. Why all of a sudden? All I knew was that it was my fault she was dead.
I screamed out in rage and began furiously punching the wall. Wet tears flowed from my eyes. My knuckles were getting red and sore. I banged my head against the wall. Must’ve been too hard because I blacked out on the floor.
Part 3 Doll Face
“Hunger, revenge, to sleep is petty foes, but only death the jealous eyes can close.”
“P-please! Stop!” the blonde said in a small whisper. Sobs coming out of her throat like blood from a freshly cut wound. Which, she had many of. The woman walked around the chair the blonde was tied down to. A small smirk approached her lips.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do that. We have only gotten started.” The woman said caressing the blonde’s hair. She looked at the knife in her hand and smiled at it blood stained blade. She licked it gently on its side.
“Your blood tastes of apples.” She stated looking at the blonde. She flipped her own brown hair over her shoulder, kneeling down to meet the girl’s eyes. The knife touched the blonde’s thigh on its side. The brunette tilted it to the side and cut into her thigh. Tears sprung from the blondes eyes, she whimpered.
“Shhh, it’ll be over soon.” The brunette said. She made one more cut into the girl’s thigh and smiled as the girl cried out. She took the knife and out it in her pocket.
“Now, don’t tell anyone of this. Don’t wear shorts until the scars are gone.” She said stroking the girl’s hair again.
“And what if I do? You’ll be put in jail!” the blonde said and spit at the brunette. She then received a brutal slap across the face.
“You’re lucky. I should’ve killed you the second I came here! Just shut up and thank God that I didn’t kill you!” she said with a fierce stare. The blonde flinched expecting another slap as the brunette raised her hand for another blow. Instead she dropped her hand slowly and untied the blonde.
“Sleep well, Amy. Hopefully, your scares will remind you of what will happen the next time you cross me.” She said with a smile and fled out of the window into the night.
Amy stood up and walked into the bathroom. She turned the shower on and began stripping down. Once in her underwear she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was disheveled, face red, eyes swollen, and on her thighs there was bright red marks bleeding out. They spelled out something……
Part 4 Sam
“Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. “
Everywhere I turned, she was there, watching me. I couldn’t help but feel that she was waiting for something. I felt like she was no longer a figment of my imagination but a reality on its own. She was here. She was here for me, to haunt me. She wanted me to feel guilty and it was working.
Hold it together Sam. She isn’t real. She is dead. Dead. You saw her dead body lying on the floor. It’s just your guilt.
My thoughts were probably right. But, as I turned around the school hallway there she was once more, through the window, watching me again. She smiled an evil smile. It wasn’t the old smile she would give me. This smile had rage and revenge written all over it. I just looked down. I tried avoiding it. It was like my mind didn’t want to forget her. I was trying and trying. But, Aubrey was always there.
The bell rang, I lifted my head up to the window and she was gone. That always happened. She was there one minute then gone the next. I could just be seeing things. I was probably going insane. There was really no logical explanation. But, I wasn’t one for all that ghost crap.
I shook my head hoping the thought of her would escape my mind. I the floor stayed put as my feet decided to move. I had to go to my locker and get some books before I went on home. As I walked down the corridor I bumped into someone. I didn’t know who. All I was paying attention to was the floor. I looked up slowly. It was a blonde, Amy. She hadn’t spoken with me in the three days after Aubrey had passed on. I smiled at her softly. But her expression was one of utter terror. I didn’t do anything to her.
“Hey.” I said softly
“Get away from me. I never want to talk to you again.” She said. She wasn’t even looking at me. She was looking past me. I turned slowly and looked behind me. I could’ve sworn I saw the movement of brunette hair. But, no one was in the hallway with us. I turned back around to look at her once more. But, she was gone. I decided to skip going to my locker and just started walking out of the school and onto the sidewalk.
Lately, everyone was disappearing on me. My mom; she was always out at the bar, my dad; he abandon me when I was 3, my brother; he did weed and was never wanting to come visit from Vermont where he lived, and now Amy. Why? Was there something wrong with me? The only person who was ever there for me was Aubrey. I was an idiot and pushed her away.
As I walked home I thought about what I was going to do with my life. The way it was now I was considering killing myself. Just like Aubrey did. The only thing that stopped me from killing myself when I found out she died was that for some reason I had a feeling she wasn’t gone. It felt like she wanted me to live on and that’s why she was watching me. Well, her ‘ghost’ or whatever it was. I was probably just going insane.
The weather was still. There was no wind. No heat, cold, snow, rain. Nothing. It was just still. Even the clouds seemed to have disappeared. The sky was a desolate blue. I could get deep and say it was like my heart, empty. But, I know for a fact that there was blood in my heart so there fore it wasn’t empty. My shoes scuffed as I walked and my hair fled my face. I reached my hands in my pocket and fished for my I-Pod. I took it out and placed the buds in my ears. I clicked the unlock button and shifted through all of the songs. Eventually I found one suitable and clicked it.
So what if I was just a painter. Painting houses for the rich old folks…. The melody sang in my ears. For me, music was an escape from the world around me. It actually was proven that music is therapeutic; God only knew I needed some therapy. I continued walking down the side walk till I got home.
My house was just two stories, baby blue, ranch style house. Normal suburban heaven on the outside. But, on the inside it was anything but heaven. I went through a lot in here. Not much of it good. But, it was home.
I walked up the front steps and walked inside. The house was empty right about now. Mom was probably at work. But, I felt the presence of someone there. I wasn’t alone. My senses said. I looked around. There was no one, or thing. Only me and the furniture. I shook my head. It was nothing probably. But, just in case I walked into the kitchen and looked around. I didn’t see anything, or hear. I checked the living room and the downstairs bathroom also. There was nothing. I started up the stairs, taking my I-pod out of my ears and shoved it back in my pockets.
“Sometimes things, don’t work out the way we planned. To live is to fall asleep. To die is to awake!” It was clear as day. A voice sung out from up the stairs. I slowed down and tip toed up, trying not to make a sound. I hugged the banister and peeked around the steps. My bedroom door was open and I could barely see a pair of legs hanging off the bed. The voice was a girl’s voice and I knew it all to well. Aubrey. She was here again, here to get me. I was sure of it.
My mind debated on what to do next. Should I go in? Should I call the cops? But, how crazy would it be to hear a boy talking about a girl, who has been three days dead and is in his house, to the cops? I wouldn’t believe it. I figured I’d do the stupid move and walked up the rest of the stairs and into my room.
There she sat, clear as day. She sat on the bed eyes fixated on the wall. Her brown hair hung slightly in her face. She cocked a one sided smile.
“Did you miss me?” she said looking at me now. She looked evil, demented even. Her brown eyes looked red. No longer the soft golden color I used to know.
“Aubrey? You’re not real. You’re dead.” I said, baffled. She was sitting there clear as day on my own bed. She seemed pretty damn alive to me. But, it couldn’t be. I found her dead. I touched her dead body. But, she stood up and she walked towards me. She reached out and laid a hand on my arm. I felt it. She was real. This was real. I knew I wasn’t crazy.
“Do I seem dead to you? You know better then to think what everyone else does Sam.” She said with a smile. This smile was the old one I knew. I just wanted to embrace her and kiss her. But, I had to find out answers.
“How did you get here? How did you survive? You were dead on the floor when I found you. How are you alive now?” I said my eyes wide with shock that she was actually here.
“I made a deal with the Devil.”
Part 5 Devil’s Deal
“Sometimes a deal with the devil is better than no deal at all.”
I remember hell. I remember it clear as day. It’s not like people portray it on TV. It’s not some place where you can do whatever you want. No. It’s completely different and I remember it. It is truthfully and honestly hell.
There are gates of black when you first enter. They flame and are made of human bones burned black from the flames of black. Written upon the gate is ‘Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate’ or ‘Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.’ It is terrifying. Once you enter you are directed to your section. There are nine levels of hell, each with their own punishment. I was brought to the middle of the seventh ring, or the violence ring. The middle ring is for people who commit suicide. You are turned into a tree and bush and eaten by Harpies for an eternity.
I explained this all to Sam. He sat on his bed just watching me as I explained. He was gorgeous even then. It was nice to be back with him. But, I had to focus. I was here for reason.
I had been in the ring for two days. I couldn’t even last an hour, let alone an eternity. At the middle of the second day I screamed out for my life. I screamed at a Harpy to take me to the Devil. I was ready to make a deal.
The Devil doesn’t look like the monster people say him to be. He is just a man with dark black hair and sharp red eyes. He isn’t rude. He is sly and slick speaking. He smiled when he heard what I had proposed. I wanted to live with the one I loved. Sam. I would do anything. The devil took my hand and cut my palm with a quick stab with his pitch fork of red. The blood gushed out. I screamed out in pain. He said to me that if I was truly serious about this then I would have to make a blood deal with him. I asked him what he wanted from the deal. He said that he wanted me to be his personal provider. But, to me it was more like personal murderer as he gave me a list of people that needed to be ‘taken care of’ He said that we, me and Sam, were to be a Bonnie and Clyde team and take these people out and keep the gates of hell flowing steadily.
I asked what would happen if I didn’t do those things. He smiled and looked down at the ice of his round of hell. Not fire like most people would think. Ice. He then looked up at me and said I would be sent to the ninth level of hell to the fourth round. This was where the people who disobeyed their benefactors were encased fully in ice in uncomfortable positions. Also, that he would take Sam’s life also. I thought about it for awhile. I stuck my hand out and shook hands with the Devil. As I did the words ‘Invidia occidere’ or ‘to kill jealousy’ appeared upon my arm and I was brought back to Earth.
I pulled up my jacket sleeve and showed Sam the words upon my arm. He gasped a bit and looked up at me slowly.
“Did you even think about what would happen if I said no to this? We would both die, Aubrey. Both of us! I didn’t make this deal! You did. Now, I’m going to die.” He said throwing his arms in the air. I felt the anger burning in my chest like it did the day I died.
“Sam, please, for me! Please! I don’t want to go back to Hell! It’s scary and I hate it there! I just want to live with you, happy, and in love. I love you Sam! I did this for you! I killed myself for you! I made a deal with the freaking Devil just to be with you! Do this one thing for me!” I screamed at him. My eyes were getting wet with tears. I looked away from him.
In that moment everything seemed wrong. But, with one thing it all turned right. A pair of long arms wrapped around my waist from behind and Sam rested his chin on my head.
“Ok. I will” he said softly. I smiled and turned around and hugged him tightly.
“Thank you. You won’t regret it.” I said smiling against his chest.
“I already do. Now, where is this list?”
I reached inside my pocket and pulled out a scroll. I unraveled it and looked at the words written in golden cursive.
“The One’s Who Care for You Most” I read out loud. My expression darkened. Sam only shrugged. He didn’t know what I knew.
“Seems easy enough!” He said with a smile. I quickly hid my knowledge and smiled back.
“Yup! Now, pack up! We can’t stay here. We have to go hide somewhere while we take out my parents and your mom and brother.” I said letting him out of my grasp. He pulled away and got a back pack and started loading up on clothes and stuff. Once he finished he grabbed his guitar and shoved it in a case. He put the back pack and the guitar case on his shoulders. He looked at me and I looked at him. He leaned down and kissed me.
The kiss made me so happy I almost forgot that he would have to kill me.
Part 6 To Live In Love And Die
“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”
Two crime scenes. All of them we had created. The deaths all the same. A swift slit to the throat. After the second one you get used to the blood, the screams, and the lifelessness. But, the first time gets you. You never really want to kill someone. But, when it’s for the one you love you don’t think about it twice.
Aubrey had told me it wouldn’t be easy, she said that it’s messy and ugly. I didn’t believe her until it actually happened.
We got to her parents home and waited by the front door until they got home from work. Once they got home Aubrey had me grab them and tie them to chairs. I did what she told me. She honestly scared me. The way she lost all emotion when she was killing. Once they were tied down she had them face away from us. She seemed lost in thought when she was going to kill. She showed no expression on her face and she was always so calm and elegant with her movements. It was like she was born for this. She killed them. She killed her own parents. She killed them like it was nothing. It was as if she never even knew them and just hated them. But, she took that knife and she slit their throats from ear to ear. She smiled in satisfactory as she finished. I turned to walk out of the house but she called me back. She dipped her hands in the puddle of blood on the floor and walked over to the wall and began writing on it.
Yeah Boy And Doll Face the wall read. That was the name of our song. She figured we needed names for ourselves. Like Bonnie and Clyde. I saw no reason for it but went along with it. Outside, I tried to be strong. But, inside I was freaking out and questioning wither I really anted in on this whole thing. But, when I looked in her eyes and when she kissed me I knew that this was where I needed to be. Beside her for eternity. I didn’t care if I had to kill millions. I’d kill, slaughter, my own self just for her. I wasn’t ready to lose her again.
The second kill was easier. We did the same thing we did for her parents. But, the tricky thing was getting my brother here. He never visited. Ever, He was always in Vermont and didn’t give a damn about me and my mom. The only thing he cared about was his marijuana. Which, turned out to be the key to this whole thing.
I called him and told him I have some marijuana for him and then like magic he came. He was here in about a day. We waited for him and my mom to come home. Then we did the same thing we did with her parents.
You figured it would be hard to kill your brother and mom. But, it really wasn’t. I had so much rage against them both that I just went with it. I let the rage take over my body and I took that knife and I slit their throats. Then, I put my hands in their blood and wrote our signature upon the wall. Aubrey was so proud of me she was crying.
We went back to our motel room on the outskirts of town afterwards. I showered off the blood. I showered and I watched the blood of my own family flow down the drain. You think I would care, wouldn’t you? But, I didn’t. I just forget it like it was nothing. But, I knew somewhere in my heart it was breaking. I just brushed the thought away as I stepped out of the shower and put on my clothing. I walked out of the bathroom and found Aubrey crying with her face in her hands. I walked and sat beside her and wrapped my arms around her. She had cried like this all night the last time. I kissed her forehead and just held her.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You have to kill me.” She said and cried even harder. She was wheezing and gasping for breathe now. I held her tighter. I didn’t realize what she was talking about at first. But then it finally hit me. Kill The One’s Who Care For You Most. I finally understood.
“You’re going to have to kill me too then.” I said holding her tightly. She looked up at me in terror. I didn’t want to have to kill her. I knew she didn’t want to have to kill me. But, it had to be done. If we didn’t, we would be sent to the lowest level of hell to be encased in ice for eternity. I could hear it now. The Devil was laughing from his position in hell. I was building in rage. But, then, it hit me. Like a truck. It was like walking into a brick wall or tripping on the steps.
“We can die together. Having this time with you is all I wanted Aubrey; I wanted to live with you and love you. I have done that. I have had my share of life. Now, all that’s left is to die. To die beside you.” I said looking her deep in the eyes. She said nothing. But, she got up and walked the backpack she had and pulled out a bottle of pills.
“I used these to kill myself. I want to die with them again. I want to die beside you.” She said and opened up the bottle. She took the remainder of the pills out. There were twelve. Six for each of us.
I stood up and walked to the stereo. I turned on a song and turned the volume up all the way. The room was filled with the melodies of the music. Aubrey sat down on the bed and pulled me down beside her. She handed me a pill. I put it in my mouth and swallowed. She did the same
Well, baby, sometimes things don’t turn out the way we planned…
To live is just to fall asleep…
To die is to awake…
Well, maybe we’re meant to lose the ones we love. But, I’ll fight for you till then
And if they stole you from me, on my name there is a tattoo of your name
Five pills. My eyes were getting droopy and I grasped her closely and laid down holding her tightly.
I've broken bones for you and for you only. I make money, but forget money we want love. Give me your heart and your hand and we can run!
Six pills. As I was getting pulled under into a sleep I would never awaken from I held her closely and kissed her lips softly.
“I will always love you”