I believe I've been selfish, along with being a terrible monster. I made mistakes, and I tried my best to keep to myself.
I've wanted to reach out to you every single day but I kept to myself 90% of the time.
I tried talking to you through Kaede. I even tried reaching you on Facebook, let alone even here.
Overall, I am always faced with these disappointing results. I never get a response from you, but it does helps me cope.
I never expect any replies from you, especially earlier this year in January.
To actually see a reply from you made me so f*cking happy, okay?
"Yeah, fine, I'll give this another possible try."
"f*ck this, you aren't serious enough if you don't reply in 24 seconds."
You're the absolute worse.
And then, after how many times of stopping myself on not swollowing those pills,
you come back this October with a wish-washy mouth and your own f*cking personal issues and shoved it down my throat.
I tried being cool with you, trying my best to show you that I just want to brush our past off. I want to start fresh, I WANT us to start anew.
But no, no, no, that's where you decide to keep BRINGING IT UP because it's apparently 'soooooo hard' for you to deal with it.
At least I actually wait for your f*cking replies before assuming sh*t, and dumping all my ASSUMPTIONS onto you!
But hey, I CAN'T reply any more, because you just don't care. You only care about yourself.
Like you don't realize that it takes two to f*ck up a relationship this f*cking bad.
It takes one to ignore and neglect the other to the point where they f*cking break.
They break on you and you don't want to fix it.
You don't want to do any thing because you're so stuck in your own little amazing world.
You made a mistake of hurting me.
I lash out. I mistreated you. I learned from my mistakes of hurting you back.
All these years I tried my best getting over it, but I think I'm finally coming along to forgiving myself.
Have you forgiven yourself for mistreating me?
Have you even realized the mistakes you made like I have?
Or are you still so self absorbed into your own problems,
that you don't even realize that from me yet?
You probably don't because you summed all these years of f*cking hurting me into: 'whatever'
'Yeah Brit, it's whatever now.'
WOW, SO DESCRIPTIVE, EMMA!
IT'S LIKE YOUR A NOVELIST.
MUCH DETAIL, GREAT EXPLAINATION.
you only care about yourself like you've always did since the day you decided to shut every one out.
you're the actual f*cking heartless monster here, not me.
You can't even ask if I'm okay. You don't even care one ounce about my feelings...
I told you how sorry I was. I told you how hurt I felt and you didn't even care.
You just used me again and again to get what you want.
To receive your own kind of peace, and then leaving and blocking me again.
God, you actually gave me hope. I can't believe I actually excpted something out of this for your sh*tty f*cking rant of I being a monster.
OF YOU STILL ASSUMING I'M THE SAME f*ckING PERSON THREE f*ckING YEARS AGO, HOLY f*ckING sh*t
I GREW UP EMMA, DID YOU? APPARENTLY NOT, YOU PIECE OF sh*t CHILDISH HEART BREAKER IN HER STUPID TANTRUM STATE!
I earned the possible right to make assumptions too, right?
It doesn't even matter. You won't ever read this, right?!!!!
God, I hope you do. You've made me so mad. Sad. Smad. f*ck you.
I really hate you...