Hailings of Pink

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MythicalYoko Report | 03/10/2016 4:14 am

Hey there! Been about two years, has it? Better now than never for an update.

So, two big things: I'm moved out and out of the closet! Your old girl here was a big fat bisexual. I came out on Facebook late last year- with a cake, I might add, I feel like someone who loved food as much as you did would appreciate that.

I can't really remember how you felt about the gays, but I'm assuming you'd be happy for me, mostly since I really want you to be happy for me and I don't remember you as ever being a hateful person- not in that way, anyway. I'm a bisexual homoromantic, which means I find guys cute but I'm not into y'all for the romance. Kind of awkward considering I think we flirted a bit? I know I did with Rose sometimes, and probably Doom, if you remember that Canadian scoundrel. But, anyway. I'm out of the closet and also moved out of my family's, finally, after being with them for twenty-four years. I wasn't intentionally a late bloomer, it's just so darn hard to find a job nowadays, you know?

Still, I'm so much happier than I used to be. I really didn't quite understand the level of misery I had living with them. The upside is that I definitely don't share the sentiment of boohoo adulting, I'm so happy to get away from them I don't mind that I had to sell my soul a bit, haha. I still love video games too! They're coming out with so many new video games. I still RP too. I still remember the Amulet group RP pretty fondly, sometimes I wonder what kind of a writer you would be today. Draw quite a bit too, definitely gotten better. I hope you'd like my new art.

It's been a while since I've talked to any of you. The last person I spoke with was Rose, I think, but he's pretty much ditched me. We won't get into that, I'm not angry anymore so much as disappointed. Doom contacted me once but I didn't really know what to say back? So I didn't say anything. Then as for Sarasan and the others, I also haven't spoken to them in years, but last I heard they were doing really well.

I wish I could give you a better update about how everyone else was doing, but the truth is that I don't really know. It's been so long. But, I don't doubt that wherever you are, you know more than I do- per the norm I'm going to mention how silly me typing this to you is. But I guess all of this drifting is why I really do wonder whether or not we'd still be friends today. I really would like to think we would be. Your light, Rici, it was really something special. You always made me laugh, did you know that? Even without ever seeing you face to face I know you're the sort of person who could make a whole room glow as soon as you started speaking. I've met a few people who are like that and it's exactly how I've always imagined you to be, with a bit of goofiness added in.

I'd like to tell you other new things about myself but it seems like whenever I sit down to these things, I start off strong and end up running out by the end of it. One thing I would like to say is that I, of course, still miss you a lot. I hope you're doing great where you are. I love you a lot. I still don't like the color pink, but, you know, it's your color.

I never did replace those two safety pins... I was wearing pink hairbands for a while to make up for them but eventually those all broke. In hindsight I feel bad for never replacing the pink items with something new, but... I kind of reached a point where I decided I didn't have to have something pink to remember you by. You're still someone I carry with me with or without those things. I hope it didn't seem like... I was abandoning you, or something.

Maybe I should replace those pink things, though. Although it's been a while it would be nice to have something like that.

Love you. I'll talk to you later somewhere down the line, okay? I love you.

MythicalYoko Report | 09/28/2013 12:06 am

I graduated from college, and now I'm a jobless college graduate.

I've submitted a lot of applications, including to places that everyone told me to submit to, and haven't gotten jack s**t.

It's not that bad really, I suppose. It's given me time to think about my projects and the fact that maybe I'm not supposed to have a regular job. Need to invest my time in something else, maybe. I put up a blog and it's been gaining more and more popularity for the three months it's been up, so there's that!

I carry you on my bag everyday. I'm not sure if I've told you yet that I bought two pink safety pins to put on my bags so I could keep you with me. Unfortunately, one broke recently and then I was using the second one to hold my shirt together yesterday, forgot about it, and as I was flipflopping in bed (hadn't taken the shirt off because it's comfortable and I'm lazy) the second pin busted, too. Bloody thing.

They are two or three years old. Probably ancient for safety pins, maybe they lasted a lot longer than they were supposed to. I'd like to replace them with something so I can keep you with me but I'm honestly not sure what to buy. It's hard to find colorful pins in the states, the kinds that just pin onto a bag with a little latch on the back love to fall the ******** off.

Thinking about you isn't as painful as it used to be. March didn't bite as hard. Nonetheless, you are frequent in my thoughts and I remembered you every time I looked at my pins, or sometimes in my idling moments. Even if the memory doesn't make me so sad I don't want you to think I don't remember.

Sometimes I've begun to wonder that, if you hadn't killed yourself, whether or not we'd still be talking or not. The only person I still talk to from those days is Rose. We're maybe not as close as we used to be, because he has work. I'd prefer he had a job to support himself over anything else so I'm absolutely not complaining about it. Still. I wonder, would we have grown past each other? Found different routes? Stopped talking altogether?

I'm still dragging myself around Gaia as much or more than I did in the past, so I guess if you'd stuck around too we'd still be talking. But I don't know. It's hard to say.

I hope you're happy wherever you've found yourself at. And I wish I'd said something when I saw you that day. It is my what if? One can never help from wondering.

I miss you, and I love you still. I apologize for always leaving these shitty, monotone, depressing messages all over your wall. It's not what you would have wanted. Hopefully these messages aren't keeping you company like I hope they are every time I write them. That'd be pretty horrible, hahaha.

MythicalYoko Report | 03/29/2011 5:19 pm

I miss you.
I can't believe it's been four years... wow. It feels like less than that, somehow.
I frowned every time I had to write the date on my school notes today.

queenie[.] Report | 03/16/2011 11:38 am

I'm sure I've missed it, but Happy (late) Birthday!

MythicalYoko Report | 03/14/2011 11:47 pm

I really wish I could remember what day your birthday was.

I'm pretty sure it's either today or tomorrow... I'll say it's today, for now.

Happy Birthday Pink. I miss you. And I love you.

queenie[.] Report | 01/07/2011 1:56 am

So today I wore a violently pink, cashmere sweater. Then I was struck with the sudden memory of you, for reasons that are more than obvious. I'm learning to play the piano. Of course, I still prefer clarinet, but it's a rather nice change. Also, I read an article last year about how your parents are suing the school for your death. It still kinda makes me mad. That kind of behavior is just so unnecessary, for lack of a nicer word. Anyway, I know there are really no optimistic outcomes of you being gone. But you know me, forever the optimist. Are you ready for it? You're google-able.

I did some searching just now, and found the article I read. At the time, I didnt even realize that it was a Canadian news site. I really do hope these things start to change. I promise not to be gone so long next time.

http://www.xtra.ca/blog/national/post/2009/04/24/Whos-your-tribe.aspx

MythicalYoko Report | 01/03/2011 10:32 am

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Rici! I know I'm late, but... I've been pretty busy lately. This semester is probably going to drive me crazy too. x__x ;;;

<3

MythicalYoko Report | 09/19/2010 10:55 pm

Well, I'm back in the States now. I was sad to leave but I'm happy that all of that is done and over with.

I still do, of course, think of you from time to time. You have a permanent place with me. And a few other people, too. I think it's ridiculous of me sometimes to do the things that I do and I'll find myself wondering if my actions are my refusal to let go of people or things that have now passed. But I don't think it is... I just have to remind myself sometimes, y'know? When things get so repetitive it just feels like a loop. I just have to remember.

I'm back in school now. I'm taking a drawing class. Ironically it's my most difficult class. I thought I was just going to sit down and do a few sketches and the teacher would give me feedback. Instead my first big assignment took over twenty hours to complete. Nine to twelve hours of work in class and the same amount outside of class. I'm unsatisfied with my work, just as I always am, but maybe in the future I'll be able to look back and see whether or not my self-criticism was too harsh or not. It's so hard! I'm too hard on myself but bleeeeh...! I hate my own work! Yet for some reason I still draw. I'm such a masochist.

And I will be adding another instrument to my arsenal. The violin. I'll be having my first lesson soon and after some heavy thought I've decided on playing the classical violin rather than the electric. According to other players classical is the way to go, even though I'll need to play it with a mute. (Apartment and the violin is so very, very loud.)

I sing too, now. Going to Japan helped me start on that and since then I have only improved. I definitely don't have the best voice but I can at least listen to myself and think, "wow, I actually sound nice." I'd always liked singing and wanted to have a beautiful voice. I never tried because of my sister, though. Her voice is so powerful. So amazing. She used to dream of being a singer and an actress. She would sing and does sing every day, although now she's left that dream behind for something else. But because of her strong ambitions and her desire to sing so much I let my own voice be silent and sit unheard. It gathered dust and it wasn't until I was away from family that I was able to sing. And the more I sang the better my voice became and eventually I realized that I can sing.

It's sad, isn't it, when the dreams of someone that a person is close to will cause the other to decide not to try? It's just hard to get the courage to do so when someone else is just so much better and willing to snatch up that stage light.

But I don't need stage light. I just like to sing. Like you did, although you actually did it in front of people.

And you know something? I just get... I don't know...

In Japan I was surrounded by so many people. It was so very DIFFERENT from what I'm used to. I was never a social butterfly like you were, although I was capable of it because I am an actress. But being surrounded by so many people for once was nice. But ugh. I hated it at the same time. If you can really read this and feel some of my thoughts, you will know why. I just don't want to write it out here, where other people can see it. Is it stupid of me to be afraid of that when I've already written out so many personal things already? Uuugh.

Enough of that, though. I do carry you, everyday. One day I will be able to play the piano as well.

I remember how much music used to remind me of you. After you died I could barely play my flute anymore and the sound of someone playing the piano just hurt. It was like every single note was a razer blade, swirling and cutting into me and preventing my swollen wounds from sealing. It doesn't happen so much anymore but every so often I do remember. You are much like music for me, old friend, for the thought of you can make me both smile and bow my head at the same time.

Until next time, Pink.

I will always hate that color.

MythicalYoko Report | 03/29/2010 6:22 am

Aaah.

Glad to see that someone else pays attention to your Gaia page besides myself...

So. Today is the day.

I'm kind of really grateful that it's finally here. March is always hard for me and I feel tense waiting the entire month for this day to come. I'm ready for it to be over already. But it never really goes away because once the end of the month is over I'm already dreading the coming of the March next year.

Well. A bit has happened but for now I'm just going to cut it short. I'll be back later, of course.

Love you Pink. I'll talk to y'later.

Klepto the greatest Report | 03/28/2010 9:14 pm

I'm going to follow Yoko in posting something here. As of tomorrow, it will have been three years. I can't believe what has changed in that time. If you were still here, there'd be so much to tell you about. Remember how we talked about our "Magpie Syndrome", and you said anything shiny caught your attention? I can't help but think of you whenever I yell "SHINY!" at the top of my lungs, much to my band directors dismay, as every other kid in the room flips around and stares at what I'm looking at. I know you would have liked that.
Oh, and I found and lost love. Lost it twice, only had it once. I told you I would never fall in love, but I know now that it's possible. My first boyfriend wasn't the one; but if you were here, I know you'd take my side and make me believe what I did was the right thing. That other boy? Yeah, it was hopeless. But I know we would have joked about it, and he would have ended up with some interesting nicknames.
I have to thank you, though. I never take a friend for granted. Even the most meaningless of conversations is held in my heart for future use, when I'm depressed or down, so I can bring it out and maybe smile. I only wish you were here to smile with me.
You have no idea how much I think about you. I hope that you're somewhere where everything is pink ad everyone knows you're special. 'Cause if they don't appreciate you as much as us down here do, then there will be some kick a** when I get up there. Miss you lots, Hikari