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When there is trouble, I tend to self-isolate. For years I felt bad about this and kept to myself, distancing myself from all the people involved, which has led me to learning one thing: the story people hear first is the story that they believe.
So here is the truth:
1 ) I did not go to Job Corps for fun, it wasn't like a college or getaway, I went because I was homeless. I came from an abusive home under a strict religion, and my early adulthood was dealing with the fallout of my home life. I literally did not have a place to call home when I found Job Corps. It saved my life. But while there, I did not have access to a computer, this was before smartphones, and when I was able to get on the computer, it was severely restricted. I was cut off from the world. It was very difficult to maintain friendships and relationships I had made on Gaia while I was cut off from everything.
2 ) Job Corps environment wasn't easy, and I found ways to cope with that, including finding a boyfriend to avoid sexual assault by randos at Job Corps. Because of this I hurt someone I really cared about, someone I had made promises to but could not keep. I don't know if the decisions I made back then were the right ones, if I should have chosen differently, if I should have never gone. It would have forever been a what if, instead of a place of pain that it is now. It was never my intention to hurt on purpose, I was doing what I needed to do in the situation I was in. But I But I did hurt someone I cared about and ruined a close friendship, and I still feel awful about it. And I'm sorry.
3 ) At my first apartment, I invited my longtime Gaia friend named after a fruit, let's call her "Clementine". I did not know what to expect, but I did not expect the judgmental comments about my appearance, my clothes, invalidation of my depression (and unknown to me at the time, CPTSD) as being 'less' than hers, the holes in my blankets from her cigarettes, even some of my jewelry mysteriously disappearing, or for her to start inviting other people from the internet to MY PLACE, without much of my input, who were disrespectful of my apartment and my things, spilling things on my laptop shorting part of the keyboard and leaving stains everywhere. There was a general theme of total disrespect around my things and my living space. I didn't want these people at my place, but she did and she had a way of steamrolling me, a pattern which would continue.
4 ) While Clementine had a boyfriend she was living with in Nebraska, she was seeing other people from the internet, including one of the people she invited to my house. She bragged to me she had cheated on her boyfriend with this man, and claimed depression as the reason why.
5 ) This also happened with a man I met locally, originally to date, but then just to hang out, making it at least two men Clementine cheated on her boyfriend with (that I know of) This guy and the aforementioned guy were both invited to my place, inviting drama I never wanted. After cheating oh her boyfriend, she left her boyfriend for this second guy, who was local to me. Again, she blames this on depression.
6 ) By this time we had drifted apart quite a bit, I was not feeling what I thought a friendship should feel like. Besides the disrespect of my living space and the disappearing belongings, I started to dread interaction with Clementine. It made me feel anxious and insecure, looking for her next negative comment about me. I was walking on eggshells. Her mood determined how she would treat me; if she was in a bad mood, she made sure I was too. Clementine too was a part of the previous friend group, and still communicated with them. I started getting wind of some of the things that were being said behind my back by Clementine, and unfortunately since I had made bad decisions in the past, every last thing said about me was believed. This is also when I noticed her personality trait of condescendingly pointing out the "flaws"(by her standards) of people she doesn't like, and the pride she took at tearing down others. This would eventually become an annual ritual of hers, where she would collect and post a rather nasty list of other's "flaws". This should have been my sign to get out of it altogether, but I still had to learn.
7 ) After Clementine broke up with him, he and I started chatting as we were in the same friend group. He was heartbroken, understandably, by what she had done to him. I comforted him and we got closer. Yet they still had contact. Eventually on one visit to me, on which she had invited herself along (without any input from me), she demanded I drive 30 minutes to her city and back in heavy snow to pick her and her new boyfriend (the one who she cheated on her ex with, who just didn't want to borrow a family member's car) so she could go back by Greyhound with her ex who she didn't even live with. (Which in hindsight is so messed up, she obviously had a lot of emotional hold on this guy still and she's dragging him around after they've broken up and flaunting the new boyfriend in front of him too? That's really ******** up) When we eventually met her there and there was signs of me and her ex having been close, there was no real conversation. She looked at me, called me a "c**t" and then left. Her ex apologized to me and said he'd find out what was going on. Hours later, I get a call from him saying he never wants anything to do with me again. I still have no idea what Clementine said to him on that bus ride, but it is obvious she still had a lot of power over this guy, even though she was there with her literally new beau she cheated on him with.
8 ) After that, there was no communication between us, which would have been fine by me if she wasn't still communicating with the people in my life. Clementine was chatting with my roommate, who was borrowing my laptop to access facebook. One day I open my laptop to a chat between them, with Clementine sending him screenshots of the Sims 3, in which she had made a version of me that is uglier and fatter than I was in real life, and had various ways of torturing me. Honestly though, what kind of raggedy man borrows my damn laptop just to talk s**t on me? Oh, and the real kicker is the reason my roommate was talking s**t on me? Like, learn how to use a computer and at least close out of chats if you're talking bad about the person's laptop you're using. Because I had the nerve to ask him to pay his share of the rent, and to ask of proof of payment (which I never got, because his raggedy a** never paid rent on top of stealing my friend's xbox)
I just don't think anything I did deserves the social punishment that was given to me.
So here is the truth:
1 ) I did not go to Job Corps for fun, it wasn't like a college or getaway, I went because I was homeless. I came from an abusive home under a strict religion, and my early adulthood was dealing with the fallout of my home life. I literally did not have a place to call home when I found Job Corps. It saved my life. But while there, I did not have access to a computer, this was before smartphones, and when I was able to get on the computer, it was severely restricted. I was cut off from the world. It was very difficult to maintain friendships and relationships I had made on Gaia while I was cut off from everything.
2 ) Job Corps environment wasn't easy, and I found ways to cope with that, including finding a boyfriend to avoid sexual assault by randos at Job Corps. Because of this I hurt someone I really cared about, someone I had made promises to but could not keep. I don't know if the decisions I made back then were the right ones, if I should have chosen differently, if I should have never gone. It would have forever been a what if, instead of a place of pain that it is now. It was never my intention to hurt on purpose, I was doing what I needed to do in the situation I was in. But I But I did hurt someone I cared about and ruined a close friendship, and I still feel awful about it. And I'm sorry.
3 ) At my first apartment, I invited my longtime Gaia friend named after a fruit, let's call her "Clementine". I did not know what to expect, but I did not expect the judgmental comments about my appearance, my clothes, invalidation of my depression (and unknown to me at the time, CPTSD) as being 'less' than hers, the holes in my blankets from her cigarettes, even some of my jewelry mysteriously disappearing, or for her to start inviting other people from the internet to MY PLACE, without much of my input, who were disrespectful of my apartment and my things, spilling things on my laptop shorting part of the keyboard and leaving stains everywhere. There was a general theme of total disrespect around my things and my living space. I didn't want these people at my place, but she did and she had a way of steamrolling me, a pattern which would continue.
4 ) While Clementine had a boyfriend she was living with in Nebraska, she was seeing other people from the internet, including one of the people she invited to my house. She bragged to me she had cheated on her boyfriend with this man, and claimed depression as the reason why.
5 ) This also happened with a man I met locally, originally to date, but then just to hang out, making it at least two men Clementine cheated on her boyfriend with (that I know of) This guy and the aforementioned guy were both invited to my place, inviting drama I never wanted. After cheating oh her boyfriend, she left her boyfriend for this second guy, who was local to me. Again, she blames this on depression.
6 ) By this time we had drifted apart quite a bit, I was not feeling what I thought a friendship should feel like. Besides the disrespect of my living space and the disappearing belongings, I started to dread interaction with Clementine. It made me feel anxious and insecure, looking for her next negative comment about me. I was walking on eggshells. Her mood determined how she would treat me; if she was in a bad mood, she made sure I was too. Clementine too was a part of the previous friend group, and still communicated with them. I started getting wind of some of the things that were being said behind my back by Clementine, and unfortunately since I had made bad decisions in the past, every last thing said about me was believed. This is also when I noticed her personality trait of condescendingly pointing out the "flaws"(by her standards) of people she doesn't like, and the pride she took at tearing down others. This would eventually become an annual ritual of hers, where she would collect and post a rather nasty list of other's "flaws". This should have been my sign to get out of it altogether, but I still had to learn.
7 ) After Clementine broke up with him, he and I started chatting as we were in the same friend group. He was heartbroken, understandably, by what she had done to him. I comforted him and we got closer. Yet they still had contact. Eventually on one visit to me, on which she had invited herself along (without any input from me), she demanded I drive 30 minutes to her city and back in heavy snow to pick her and her new boyfriend (the one who she cheated on her ex with, who just didn't want to borrow a family member's car) so she could go back by Greyhound with her ex who she didn't even live with. (Which in hindsight is so messed up, she obviously had a lot of emotional hold on this guy still and she's dragging him around after they've broken up and flaunting the new boyfriend in front of him too? That's really ******** up) When we eventually met her there and there was signs of me and her ex having been close, there was no real conversation. She looked at me, called me a "c**t" and then left. Her ex apologized to me and said he'd find out what was going on. Hours later, I get a call from him saying he never wants anything to do with me again. I still have no idea what Clementine said to him on that bus ride, but it is obvious she still had a lot of power over this guy, even though she was there with her literally new beau she cheated on him with.
8 ) After that, there was no communication between us, which would have been fine by me if she wasn't still communicating with the people in my life. Clementine was chatting with my roommate, who was borrowing my laptop to access facebook. One day I open my laptop to a chat between them, with Clementine sending him screenshots of the Sims 3, in which she had made a version of me that is uglier and fatter than I was in real life, and had various ways of torturing me. Honestly though, what kind of raggedy man borrows my damn laptop just to talk s**t on me? Oh, and the real kicker is the reason my roommate was talking s**t on me? Like, learn how to use a computer and at least close out of chats if you're talking bad about the person's laptop you're using. Because I had the nerve to ask him to pay his share of the rent, and to ask of proof of payment (which I never got, because his raggedy a** never paid rent on top of stealing my friend's xbox)
I just don't think anything I did deserves the social punishment that was given to me.
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