The top 50 things to do or say when you wake up to your roommate having
sex. (okay, this is more tilted for guys, but hey…it’s a list and it’s
50. (the obvious) “Ooooooo”
49. “That would work better the other way around..”
48. Sniff. Sniff. “Is something burning?”
47. “Damn, that’s complicated.”
46. “Wait, wait, use my pillow.”
45. “Alright already, _I_came.”
44. “You guys need a value pak.”
43. Smoke a pipe. Every once in a while wave it around and say
“Good show, old bean.”
42. “Is that sperm or a mudpack?”
41. “You’ve got something stuck in your teeth.”
40. “4 out of 5 dentists say that’s bad for your enamel.”
39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote.
Point and click. Complain when they don’t change positions.
38. “You know, they say that three’s a charm.”
37. Suggest your favorite position.
36. Shine a flashlight on them and say, “This is a citizen’s arrest,
assume the position.”
35. “Bring in the Gimp.”
34. “Hold that pose.”
33. Sit up in your bed, bounce vigorously, clapping and squealing with
32. Start signing Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Light.”
31. Sing “Shake your bootie.”
30. “A little to the left.”
29. “Is that a p***s in your girlfriend or are you just happy to see
28. “Is there room for two in there?”
27. “Two words: p***s extension.”
26. Invite others in as a cheering section.
25. Charge admission at the door.
24. Make and hold up score cards.
23. All of them should read 6.9.
22. Whip out a pen a paper and take notes.
21. “Maybe it would help if you..”
20. “That’s what you call erect?”
19. “That reminds me of a joke I heard..”
18. “Let the chicken go, he had nothing to do with it!”
17. Hold up two bags and say, “Paper or plasic?”
16. Roll over, grunt and say, “I’d rather be fishing.”
15. “Use the Heimlich; she’s got something stuck in her throat.”
14. “May I cut in?”
13. “That’s illegal in Arkansas.”
12. “Holy whips and chains, Batman.”
11. Scream at the top of your lungs. If they ask what’s wrong,
explain that you thought you were having a nightmare.
10. Take pictures. Explain that it was a Kodak moment.
9. Recite quotes from Condom Month like “Pack your weaner
before you bean her” and “Wrap your packer before you wack her.”
8. “MMM- that looks good, I think I’ll try some, too.”
7. “Let’s make a sandwich.”
6. “Is that hard enough for you?”
5. “I’m going to the water fountain. Can I get you anything?”
4. “I think you dropped something.”
3. “Do you like to eat at the Y?”
2. Pick up your camcorder and say “How much do you like they
would pay to see this on Pay-Per-View?”
1. “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop??”“Are you a lesbian?” – a heckler
“Are you my alternative?” – Florynce Kennedy
“They say that lesbians hate men.
Why would a lesbian hate a man?
They don’t have to ******** them!” – Roseanne
“What’s a bridal shower if you’re gay?
It’s the parade of gifts you’ll never get cause you’re
Come in and take a look at the blender, toaster, silverware
you’ll have to buy yourself!!!
I hate that. I don’t bring a gift anymore, I take one.
I have six cuisinarts. I don’t give a s**t… they owe us.”
“I can’t help looking gay. I put on a dress and people say,
‘Who’s the dyke in the dress?’” – Karen Ripley
“For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun.
Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a
lesbian.” -Mabel Maney
“If male homosexuals are called ‘gay,’ then female
homosexuals should be called ‘ecstatic.’” – Roberts’ Rules
of Lesbian Living by Shelly Roberts
“Pronouns make it hard to keep our sexual orientation
Congratulatons!You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the Internet!
If THIS CHAIN LETTER IS CONTINUED UNTIL THE YEAR 2009, IT WILL BE PLACED IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS!
1. Kiss on the hand = I adore you
isnt this cute? i love it
2. Kiss on the cheek = I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck = I want you
4. Kiss on the lips = I love you
5. Kiss on the ears = I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else = lets not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes = kiss me
8. Playing with your hair = I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist = I love you to much to let you go
The Three Steps
1. Girls If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him.
2. Guys If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good.
3. Guys & Girls Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare.
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, but take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.
Here are a few reasons why guys like girls
1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. The way they call you after you just had a big fight.
3. The way she says 'lets not fight anymore' even though you know that an
4. The way they kiss when you do something nice for them
5. The way they kiss you when you say 'I love you'
6. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
7. The way they fall into your arms when they cry
8. Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
9. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
10. Then the way they apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't
11. The way they say 'I miss you'
12. The way you miss them
13. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't
hurt her anymore.....
This chain started in 1997.
It is a love chain letter.
In an hour you are supposed to send it to 25 people. It is easy, just look
into chat rooms and find them.
Anyway, send it to 25 people in 1 hour.
Nowhere comes the fun part.
You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person
will say 'I love you,' or 'Will you go out with me?'
NO JOKE!!!!! NOW THE CONSEQUENCES
If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future
If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!!!
Once you read, this letter you must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within the hour) be
sent to 25 people After you send it, make a wish and it will come TRUE YOU
MAY NOT WAIT FOR A CERTAIN TIME TO SEND IT........
REMEMBER, IT MUST BE SENT TO 25 PEOPLE WITHIN 1 HOUR, OR YOUR WISH WILL NOT
PLEASE CONTINUE IT NOW!!!
*WARNING* IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON, SOMETHING BAD OR WORSE WILL HAPPEN TO
*NOTE* THE MORE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR
IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN LETTER (IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE 1997)YOU WILL HAVE