About"Who the heck do you think you are? Seriously.
Do you have any idea what it's like to be a ninja?
Unless you're a ninja the answer is no. Got it?"
~The Ask A Ninja Ninja
Welcome. Welcome to the shadowy halls of the ninja. Let me start by saying, although ninjas are incredibly awesome, you probably don't want to be here. You're life is very much in danger of being sliced into little tiny pieces and devoured by colossal, clown mask wearing, ice-fire breathing, poisonous, shadow-melding, dragon demons from the forgotten realm of Xilous by simply entering this page.
If you're still alive, it probably means you are either a ninja, or the demons are playing poker or something. Either way, these halls are full of dangers that you're mind can't even begin to fathom. Seriously, this place is deadly. GET... OUT... OF... HERE... NOW!!! I'm talking Grounddrogs (which is like a groundhog with these razor sharp pneumatic drills all over them), Machine Gogs (machine gun wielding hogs), hell elves (exactly what they sound like), and Gelions (things that were originally aliens but burrowed underground and formed secret high tech bunkers and are slowly working on overthrowing the Internet). Scary, right? You really don't want to be here.
Still here? Sweet. Allow me to introduce myself, or rather, allow me to not. You may call me Shade. I lead a certain group of dedicated followers of the shadow in an undisclosed location. If you are dedicated to the shadow and are a true ninja, you may be interested in L.o.G.A. That's the League of Gaian Assassins. My own group is a bit more... exclusive. If your curiosity is peaked, which I doubt it is, track me down in person and... ... I'll probably kill you. BUT! If you somehow survive our initial encounter, who knows what may transpire?
Things I HATE killing: Robots, undead, and dragons.
Robots because there isn't any splatter and I use a katana quite a bit. Have you ever tried running a katana through a robot? Yeah. Not fun. You get a *BZZZZRT!!!*. Undead are just annoying, what with the moaning, and the lurching, and the biting your best friend in the neck and turning him or her into a zombie which you then have to lay down *sigh*. Dragons simply because they're SO cute! Oh... and... you know... because they're one of the only beings that can stand up to a ninja in a fight. That's not fun. Not fun being stuck in the middle of a couple of angry ones either. Oh boy... many a ninja has had that experience.
Things I LOVE killing: Pirates, evil bunnies, aliens, n00bs, serial killers, nonjas, and many many others. I won't go into detail here, but I will say it's just so much fun to watch the face of a serial killer, whom you've tricked into making think you are defenseless, go all wide eyed and freaked out as you destroy him with his own weapon. Oh sweet irony! A ninja's job is great!
If you're standing in line with me, you better be prepared to be cleaning up some human pizza off the floor, cause I don't do well in lines. Still and straight are the key words. You got a line of ninjas, they're constantly throwing bacteria infected shuriken up and down the aisle. You stick your head out a little bit... suddenly you don't have an epidermal layer. Which is good. It's good to have a layer of skin.
It's important that I mention that I hate chainmail (no, I'm not talking about the armor). According to those god damn curses I should have died four years ago, I will never achieve true happiness, my family should all be dead, and even though I was already supposed to be dead I should be some kind of ugly looking monster mutation thing right now. And yes. I'm perfectly content and normal right now (as normal as a ninja can be).
If you do happen to believe this stuff (fat chance, right?) then I can tell you straight up that you are a moron. But seriously, who is serious about that stuff? Someone, right? So, bottom line, don't spam my comments with chainmail. I don't really appreciate begging either, but I'll tolerate it. Oh, and don't type in all caps. Just a pet peeve.
Other than that, I'm pretty laid back... for a ninja. If we met you'd want to get away from me as quickly as possible in case I suddenly flip out because someone dropped a spoon and I go on a killing spree (little advice, don't make any sudden moves around ninjas... especially if it involves dropping a spoon. This one ninja flipped out and killed an entire town once because some dude at a dinner party dropped one). Oh, that brings to mind the ninja that uppercut this kid in the chin for opening a window once and... ... *trails off into rant*
So remember, if you ever do have a question, the Ask A Ninja Ninja on http://askaninja.com/ is a very good source, but if you're in a pinch and need an answer now you can always ask me I am, after all, a ninja ninja . (The Ask A Ninja Ninja is a very busy guy). Knowing the secrets of life tends to fill up your schedule.
Signed~ ninja cool