My first memory is my father throwing me up in the air. He is, perhaps, the only person I have felt genuine love from... Well, then I have memories of foster homes. I really only remember a black family which taught me a few skills - like tying my shoes.
I remember my father coming to visit and reading "where's waldo" to me. One day he came and took me home to a family I had almost forgotten.
My early memories of my mother were of a lazy bum, and my father was always at work. I was 5 at the time.
We then acquired a home, which was in shambles but it was a real home. Me and my sisters played in the back, and I spent a few years in a school. Back then, I was still just a regular person, unawoken to true pain.
In the middle of 3rd grade I discovered I had a brother who was in foster homes as well, only he was a step brother and not my father's son. We needed a new home to accomodate him, so we moved into a 3-room apartment. I don't remember much, not until he raped my sister. He then was sent to Juvenile hall, I haven't cared to see him since.
From then on I suffered bouts of depression. The first I had was in 4th grade, and I became unattached to other people, save for my next door neighbor in the same grade as me. My mother was protective though, so I was always at home.
Things continued the same, and the racist mexican kids shunned me from their flock of soccer playing, and mexican-flag sporting... not that I minded. It was around this time my mind began to expand, and I began my God complex. I believed I was the next Jesus, for I never sinned.
In the sixth grade, one teacher saw potential in me, but just enough to save me from complete failure.
Middle school came, new friends, but the same story. Always shunned from popularity, even when the popular kids shared their classrooms with me. I was the child brooding in the back of the room, as if a silent hunter stalking its prey in the desks.
I had my first girlfriend that year for a few weeks. I didn't even know what to do. Even to this day I keep contact with her though.
The next year I had a best friend. I felt accepted for once. We were almost inseperable, until I obtained another girlfriend. This time the girl was more of a harlot, spawning from a Catholic school. She taught me the ways of woman, took my virginity, and left. Unfortunately, my best friend had eyes for her too and sought her out that summer.
8th Grade Summer was possibly the worst time I have withstood in my mortal existence. While I was in summer school my friend bragged about my ex liking him... and he stopped associating with me. I was lonely, and came to Gaia that year. Once summer school ended I had a short reprieve, and although my first "love" held my heart in pain, the worst began in my parents' divorce. While my friend had me at his birthday, my parents got drunk and my dad was accused of violence. He was sent to jail. I came home to shambles. It was during this chaotic time that I really began listening to music, when the radio would put me to sleep set to the rock channel... I fell in love with 2 bands at that time. Linkin Park and Papa Roach. My mother went into drugs and gang life, and treated her children like pets. Stuck in the house watching her take welfare and child support from my father and spend a tiny droplet of the money on food for us, and telling us to cook it ourselves.
I began to revolt in her drunken stupor, and called the cops when I was tired of her sh*t. They found her passed out, told her she better be clean the next day... and of course she wasn't, so we were sent to our grandmother's. I entered high school, withstanding that kind of summer. My best friend disappeared completely that year, fitting in with his own cliques.
While my friends were timid and afraid of high school, I was ready for anything. I dated a girl, and felt true joy for the first time in forever, but it didn't last long. She and I were too different, she was a prep, I was an outcast... it ended after many months though. I then dated another girl the rest of the year.
During summer we broke up due to her being on the phone all the time and having no time for me. I then jumped between girlfriends every 2 seconds, and my middle school friend re-entered my life at that time. That year was pretty decent, all my middle school friends were around me again and things passed slowly.
Junior year came around, and with it, being single and finally accomplishing my goal of wearing all black. For years I had been too poor to afford new clothes, so finally I got my own choice. In those few months I made my only mistake: I had 2 girls who adored me, who were also BFFs.. One was beautiful and shy, the other chubby but talkative, and I went for the easier obtained one. It ruined their friendship, and the shy one hasn't had a boyfriend to this day... the next 2 years I dated this chubby emo girl, and we became best friends... but she was a heavy cheater, and I was stupid. She, I think, turned my heart to ice.
Now I am out of high school, my friend from middle school is in Arizona, and though I tried living with him I could not stand the desert. Then I went back home, working at Starbucks. That job lasted for a year, during that year I made friends, dated a fantastic girl, who unfortunately was much too young, and her age caused us to break up. I also became a drug user during that time, picked up smoking, and drank like it was a competition. My heart was broken, I mended it with losing my mind. It was only, in realization of this, that I stopped in August of 2009. After that I moved into an apartment with my brother, and then lost my job the week afterwards.
Now I'm just trying to make due in this apartment.