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vintrout's avatar

Report | 09/05/2013 11:15 pm


Hey...just want to let you know i miss you a lot...I'm getting by, not much going on. Got a job, got my own computer, now i'm working on getting my own place and going to college...I'm moving up to Oregon for college, and for other reasons. I just need to get away. I need a new start in a place i don't know...I will always remember you and i will always search for where you were buried because i need closure...that's the one thing i haven't been able to get...I haven't cried in a long time, because i know somethings missing, and i know that missing thing is closure...I wish i could have done something more for you, been something more for you, than i was...but i guess it's too late now...The only thing i can do is to remember you and to always do the things that you would be proud of me to do...I love you and miss you a lot...You're always in my heart and always will be...Till another day i guess...
TheGraveKeepersLegion's avatar

Report | 05/10/2013 9:52 pm


Hey Natalie..It's Vincent again...My old accounts all got banned *shrugs* oh well...I've been thinking about you a lot lately...I really miss you...I wish you could see this...I wish you could see how broken my heart is without you...Well...I guess i should tell you what's been going on with my life lately...I fell in love...This time it wasn't just the expression, but for real...It was with this girl named Maranda Holmquist...She reminds me a lot of you...just...older... v.v ...I listen to your song all the time...wishing the lyrics would tell me what i'm missing...let me know what it is i'm overlooking or ignoring, but they don't...I wish i had your letters...anything of you to hold close to me...something to help me feel closer to you...but i don't...I never heard your voice...I only saw you in pictures...ugh...I don't know what His purpose for me is yet...but honestly...I hope it's important enough to have lost you...If not...God is going to have one pissed off Angel with him...else he'll have one pissed off hellspawn hellbent on his destruction...honestly...I'd be more afraid of myself than myself as a demon or angel...But...anyway...I miss you a lot and i love you even more...well...until another time i guess...bye...
vintrout's avatar

Report | 05/28/2012 10:03 pm


Hey Natalie...You can't even see this now...Can't listen to me...Can't hear me...Can't know the pain in my heart...Can't know how desperate i am for any sort of comfort...I live my life each day...i don't know how, but i do...At first it was easy...it was hard to live without you, but it was easy. at the same time...now...idk...some days it's justine...others it's not tha teasy...Days like today are what is going to kill me... I make the same mistakes ever day...I can't do this anymore...I can't do this...goodbye...
Vdoom's avatar

Report | 05/06/2012 9:08 am


Hey Natalie. Just stopping by to say hi. *chuckles lightly* It's a little sad that i can still talk to you, but you can't talk to me. I almost lost her again. *sigh* So goes life i guess. I can only do the best i can. That's all i've ever done, and all i ever want to do. Sometimes it feels like my best isn't good enough, but than i have those moments with Lizzy where i can feel her body pressed against mine, those times where i feel just the absolute love that Lizzy has for me and it lets me know that sometimes it is enough. I know i don't have everything Lizzy may want, but i do have everything she needs, besides the fact that i can't physically be there with her yet. I am doing what i can to get there as fast as i can. Hopefully i can get to see her this summer. I just need to work harder. That's what i need to do, spend less time on the computer and more time trying to earn money, working for things. Well. I miss you Natalie. Talking to you while you were dead was hard for me, honestly. I know you hear me, but to actually get to talk to you was really hard, and the decision to let you go was even harder, but it was the best decision. Natalie, i want you to know that i have nothing against you. I don't want you to feel like i don't love you, because i do, i really do. But i've told you before, she will always be the best choice. Especially now. You may not understand where im coming from, but it's not that i don't want to talk to you. I really do, but it could NEVER be more than just talk. I can't sit there and 2 years from now be able to hold you in my arms, kiss your forehead, cheeks. I can't do that. That's not an option anymore. But with Lizzy, i can give her life meaning, and i still have the hope and still have the chance to hold her, be with her, love her. I love you Natalie, i really do, but i've always loved Lizzy more, nothings going to change that. I know in the past i've agreed with Lizzy when she would tell me that you were always the best choice, but that was never true. Natalie, i want you to understand something. Lizzy didn't steal me from you. I CHOSE Lizzy over you. It was my choice, not Lizzy's. *sighs* I would have always chosen her over you. I know it's not the thing you want to hear, but it's the truth. I love you so much and miss you even more. You don't have to bother saving me a seat, God's already doing that for me, whether i like it or not. I'll talk to you later Natalie. I love you and miss you. Bye
Vdoom's avatar

Report | 04/21/2012 8:31 am


Hey Natalie...Just sitting here, and i thought of you. I can't explain why, but with each passing day, i feel you closer and closer to me, like each day you care more and more about me. I know love is powerful, but the feeling i have is different... It's hard to explain because it's hard to understand. *sighs softly* I had Lizzy read the letters you wrote me. I cried...but you probably already know that. I always did my best to keep my promise to you, and, i guess i've been doing decently, cause she's still here with me. I wish i could say that we are doing perfectly, but that won't happen unless we are together. Anyway, i'm here for you, not Lizzy. It's sad that you always knew when you were going to die. I would have thought you would be sad, and i guess for the most part you were, but you always had me to help cheer you up a little...Kind of like the day before you died, i gave you your last smile. In my heart i feel like it should be something special to me, giving you the last smile you will ever have, knowing you loved me as much as you did, and knowing i loved you as much as i did, but it doesn't...It just makes me even more sad that you are gone. There are times when i'm alone, where i wish you would just show yourself to me...I don't know if you try, or if i'm not looking hard enough...I know there are times when i'm alone, where i feel like i'm about to break, that i feel a soft hand on my shoulder, or a light pressure on my cheek or lips, or even the rare times where it feels like someone is pressed against my back and their arms are around my waist. I know that it's you doing these things and i thank you for them. I love you Natalie, and i'm thankful for everything you've given me, even in your absence of life. I miss you Natalie...I love you so very much. I wish i could hold you in my arms, just one time, kiss you lightly on the cheek and whisper in your ear how much i love you, how much you mean to me. I miss you and love you so very much.
Vdoom's avatar

Report | 02/27/2012 3:06 pm


Natalie...I don't know if you can see this or not...it doesn't matter to me, because one way or another, i'm sure you know this is how i feel...
I guess i should start from the beginning...I messed up...That's the easiest way to say it, but it's far from the truth...I wish i could just say i messed up...But i would be lying if I left it at that...I broke the promise i made you...I told you i would never leave her...No matter how many ways i could twist the meaning of the promise, I know the truth, and it makes it that much worse...I know i've done a lot for Lizzy, i've done a lot for you too, but i feel like i can't give her what she really needs...Granted, she still needs me, but i can't make her as happy as me and you know she needs and deserves to be... i can't make her feel as special as she needs and deserves to be...I let her leave...I tried to let her be happy, but it's only caused her more pain...I tried to move on, but it's hard for both me and her...I can't leave her...I can't hurt her more...If i left forever, she would never recover...she'd be so hurt...I could never let her be like that...I couldn't live with myself wondering day by day how badly i hurt her, wondering how much pain she is going through, wondering if she'll ever be happy again, or if she will be a lifeless shell or if she will just kill herself...I can't let that happen...I can't lead people off a cliff...cause im the person who would look behind me, looking into the faces of each person and realize how many people i would hurt...it may start with a handfull, but it builds and builds and builds and in the end, i'm hurting probably 100 people, 200 people, maybe more...i couldn't do that to people...i just couldn't...I just want to say that i love you Natalie...I broke your promise...i broke the promises i made to Lizzy, to God, to myself...and it's hard to deal with that, but i can't do that to people...I miss you...everything was different with you here with us...
Vdoom's avatar

Report | 02/22/2012 12:53 am


Natalie...I may not think about you often, but when i do, it hurts...there are times i don't know what i'm doing...there are times where i need someone to vent to...there are times when i just need a hug or kiss or anything to know that there's someone to help me through life...you were the one person i could lean on to help me...you were the one person who helped Lizzy hold on just long enough for me to come into your lives...you gave up the things you wanted so Lizzy could have them...you gave up so much for others, it's hard to imagine that you were the one who had to pay the price for it all...There are some things in this world that never change, and some things do...my love for you will never change...just cause you went to a better place, doesn't mean my love leaves, it stays with you forever...you have touched my life and ways i never thought possible...your compassion, your patience, your hope, your grace, your beauty, your love, your commitment, your devotion...all of this made me need to be a better person...you were always there when i needed help with Lizzy...you were always there to help me make sense of things...you were always there to help me figure out what i needed to do...and now that you're gone, i don't have that...i will never forget what you did for me...what you did for Lizzy...we will never forget you for everything you've done for us...we will always love you Natalie...remember that...we will always love you, we will always miss you, and you will always, ALWAYS be in our hearts...forever and always, nothing can change that...I love you and will miss you always...Rest In Peace Natalie...
Vdoom's avatar

Report | 02/09/2012 2:10 pm


Natalie, i just want you to know how much I love you...You mean so much to me, it's hard to think about losing you...I went to school today, thinking you were dead, not talking to anyone, because i wanted you to know what i was willing to give away to let you know how much you matter to me...I know nothing i say will ever be enough, but if you know anything from me it's this: There will be days when we lost faith, days when our allies turn against us, but the day will never come that we forsake this planet and it's people...You will always be in my thoughts and prayers...I love you!
avid2428's avatar

Report | 01/25/2012 4:31 pm


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