Hello again, my loves, hello again.
It seems your Suffering Saint has decided to… drop in.
It has been a dreadfully long time, hasn’t it? Have you missed me? Did my lack of presence warrant a deep, heartfelt sigh of relief? Did you, instead, gnaw your lips in worry? Or, have you, like so many others, simply forget that I exist altogether? No matter, none of that is important, nor has it ever been.
Do not fall into the impression that I care, that I ever have been capable.
Each of you are merely afterimages, illusions of individuals who could actually matter.
To put it simply, I am a horrible person.
People rarely ever stick around to know the real me and the ones who do feign ignorance and run crying as far away as they can, throwing everything that could remind them of me to the wind. I am the type of person that would nick-name their best friend one of the seven cardinal sins. When I state that I will discontinue breathing in short order, I am the type of person whose loved ones believe. I can, nor do I, trust no one completely. I am an utter shell of a being, a dragon, comprised completely of a dying love for a princess and those that are still in my circle.
Sweetness, the amazingly beautiful goddess who keeps a smile on my lips and a light and purpose in my eyes. Lust, the most understanding and loyal little flower girl that I have ever had the grace of meeting. Envy, whose brightness and strength does more to inspire me in this short amount of time that we have been acquainted than nearly anyone I have ever met.
Still, I feel myself sliding further downward into my own darkness…
But, you should all rejoice, for this is a good thing.
There is no fear, pain, or anger at my destination. There are no drugs physical, spiritual, or mental.
There will simply be you and me.
So, do not be scared as I seem to become more withdrawn than I have been in the past. For where there is a sky, there is a ground. There is a bottom to every hole and I will reach mine and slowly follow your voices back up from the depths of my mind, of my pain.
I have always been a reckless, calculating, stubborn, asshole but you all have loved me anyways despite it all, sometimes because of it all and I’m aware I don’t deserve your love and friendship…
Still, I’m not scared of the fall.
And, for what it’s worth, as much as I’m capable…
I feels so good to know you all, and I love each and every one of you.
XO - M