Not So Ancient Proverbs
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Don't hit a man with glasses...use your fist.
When everything's going your way, you're driving in the wrong lane.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.
There are only three kinds of people in the world: people who can count and people who can't.
Things to Ponder
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?
Why do people point to their wrist when they want to know the time? Do I point to my crotch when I want to know where the bathroom is?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?