I see you.
I have never known how to re-connect with people and I slowly become less and less interested in having the company of others. Reluctant? Call it what you like. I'm just tired of everything. Explaining myself, apologizing (for being away) , I mean, I have always been tired of these things. I re-read all my emails to my friends, and they sound like effing rants and complaints. Far too irrelevant to what friendship is. I always say I'm going to return, but how long does it take me? How long will it take this time after I log out today? I don't know! I NEVER plan these things, they just happen. I devote my time to my problem and my friends just dissolve.
Every moment I still have that problem. Right now, my problem is right there and I don't want to tell anyone. Not my siblings, family, closest friends, not even a stranger.
We may not be best buds, but please, don't ask me how or what I've been doing.