Control Guide for Unit Kohaku Model Yoshizo
Thank You For Purchasing This Kohaku Unit!!!!
Note: This concept is not mine I stole it from another unit
You have purchased a Kohaku friendship assistant unit. We at THE ORGANIZATION hope that this unit will be a good friend for a long time. It is THE ORGANIZATION 's express hope that you enjoy your unit as long as it is functioning or you decide to kill it out of sheer annoyance. This guide will tell you all you need to know about your unit and how to care for it (and if the need arises how to kill it in the most gruesome way possible).
Nicknames: Yoshi, Bear, KB, Kuma, Kohaku
Date of Manufacture: [Information Corrupted]
Weight: Slightly above normal
Your Kohaku Bear Unit is equip with the following standard accessories
4 Different Outfits
Including but not exclusive to: Daft Punk, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead, Arctic Monkeys, and the Gorillaz
All Mainstream Videogame systems going back to the SNES
Various Video Games
Note: You may purchase more accessories at anytime
Your Kohaku unit should preform these actions with little to no encouragement
Function RPer: This unit has been known to write its own programming so it is an acceptable writer. Be forewarned attempts to compliment the unit as a writer usually end up with the complimenter having their arms torn off. For safety please remember that this unit is an RPer not a writer.
Function Arist: Your Kohaku unit has been programmed with innate artistic talent. This function will only be executed during the boredom emotional cycle and any drawings outside that time frame will be very poor.
Function Best Friend: Exclusive to the Yoshizo model. This is the primary function of this unit and its effects are based on the gender of the owner.
Male: Your Kohaku unit will commence its brotherly love actions. These include but are not exclusive to: Play Fighting, Trolling for girls, Buying you lunch, playing sports.
Note: Any personal injuries caused by the play fighting action are not our responsibility
Female: The Kohaku unit will commence actions including but not limited to: Talking about how boys are stupid, Offering to beat up cheating boyfriend, saying he loves you, beating up your cheating boyfriend, complimenting you, Helping you hide the body of your recently deceased cheating ex-boyfriend, Watching cheesy romance movies with you.
Function Protector: This function is exclusively available to female owners. When this function is activated your Kohaku unit will protect you with all of his ability. This mode can only be shut off once all perceived threats have been violently and gruesomely murdered
Note: Deaths caused by this function are expressly and without exception the legal burden of the owner of this unit and cannot be attributed to THE ORGANIZATION
This Kohaku unit comes with variable emotional cycles.
These cycles include:
heart Loving (Default Emotion) heart
Angry/Hatred aka RAGE MODE
The Kohaku unit has been programmed for its primary emotion to be its Loving mode. While in this mode the Kohaku unit will be bubbly and happy usually hugging its owner and activating its Best Friend Functions. At random points this unit has been known to shift into any of its other emotional cycles.
The Mellow emotional mode is the secondary emotion of the Kohaku unit. While in this mode the unit will tend to listen to music, relax and be happy. This mode is usually activated just after one of the more extreme emotions such as anger, boredom, or being heartbroken. This if this mode is prematurely deactivated by the user or any outside forces the unit will go straight into anger/hatred mode. The anger/hatred setting causes intense spurts of screaming or violence against the user or anyone nearby. If this mode is activated it is imperative you find something to assuage your unit's anger. Usually a platypus, funny picture, or a QUEER AND IMPERFECT unit will do; if none of the aforementioned items stop the unit's rage mode it is imperative you activate The Beatles White Album command before the earth is eventually destroyed by the unit's rage.
Note: If you do not own the means to activate The Beatles White Album command the items may be purchased from THE ORGANIZATION's website (shipping usually takes 3 weeks. Please compensate for shipping time if you are attempting to shut off Rage mode)
After the deactivation of Rage mode your Kohaku unit will proceed to its Emo setting (this reaction can be avoided if the method used to deactivate rage mode was The Beatles White Album command). This setting can also easily be activated by talking about mortality with the unit. If Emo mode is activated your unit will proceed to sit in a corner and wish it were dead. It is very important that the Emo setting is deactivated as quickly as possible to avoid the Suicide function. To deactivate this unit you must present it with a QUEER AND IMPERFECT unit, or give it a logical explanation as to why its life is not worth wasting(while in theory this method is possible it has never been achieved not even by the QUEER AND IMPERFECT unit). In the event that the Suicide function is carried out please contact THE ORGANIZATION immediately and we will replace your unit at your convenience.
The sarcasm mode of this unit will activate at any action deemed stupid or belligerent. These processes can be quite cruel and emotionally scarring for the owner. It is suggested that if you are mentally fragile you avoid interaction with your unit while it is in its Sarcastic mode.
The Yoshizo model of the Kohaku friendship unit has been known for a glitch which causes it to fall madly in love with females it comes into contact with at the drop of a hat.The mode Heartbreak mode will activate if the unit is rejected by anyone it loves in any capacity this emotional response was created by the units and therefor can be quite unpredictable. This mode is usually activated in tandem with the Emo setting and can also lead to the Suicide Function. If the Emo setting is not activated with the Heartbreak function it is imperative you leave your unit alone or else you may unknowingly activate Rage mode.
Bored mode activates itself when your unit has nothing to do. It can easily be deactivated by giving the unit something to do.
Normal mode is the most rare of the modes and has never been observed in a Kohaku unit of any model. In theory this mode is activated when the unit reaches perfect mental stabilization. It has been said that if this mode ever activates it shall herald the ending of the world. In the event your unit reaches Normal mode we would be appreciated if you quickly murdered it to prevent the end of the world.
In the Yoshizo model there has been an interesting development since this model was released is that once in the field the unit's mental functions degraded and created a new setting know as Psychosis mode. Psychosis mode was created by a combination of corrupted emotional data from other functions. This mode is completely unpredictable and can go from Rage to Emo and then back to Rage at nothing more than a single hair out of place on a teddy bear. This mode cannot be deactivated and if you need it to remove this action the only known way is to kill it.
Cleaning and Maintenance
Your Kohaku unit will take care of any cleaning functions on his own.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q:Help my unit has gone into rage mode and I have not yet bought the components needed for The Beatles White Album command what do I do?
A: We are sorry to inform you that there is nothing you can do. It is suggested you use the last moments of your pathetic existence to tie up any lose ends before you are violently murdered by the Kohaku Unit.
Q: My Kohaku unit is savagely beating my STEVEN unit to death how do I get him to stop?
A: It is natural for any Kohaku unit to kill any STEVEN units on sight. It was written into his programming and cannot be erased. He will stop once the STEVEN unit in question has been decapitated and had the body of aforementioned unit thrown under a bus.
Q: Help my QUEER AND IMPERFECT unit, KIRRA unit, BELLA unit, EMILYG unit, (or any other female unit) is being bitten by my Kohaku Unit how do I make it stop?
A: Do not worry your Kohaku unit is following its programming correctly as long as they do not struggle the unit in questions should be fine.
Q:My Kohaku unit seems very cuddly today. Is this some sort of trick to get my guard down so it can murder me?
A: No your unit has entered Loving mode for the first time in a long while it seems. Allow you Kohaku unit to cuddle with you if you wish to live.