Keltoi Samurai

Keltoi Samurai's avatar

Last Login: 01/14/2018 5:02 am

Registered: 02/17/2004

Gender: Male

Location: Somewhere between Hell and Charleston WV


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Mad as a Hatter

just a place for me to rant, post, and talk about chocolate cake.


I am a GOD!

Pope: 1


Worshipers: 6

~Xo FoXiLiCiOuS oX~
xiang chi
Text 3203105170
Dull Male

condemned to Diabeetus and Hell: 1


I have over 1,000 items. Several of them past events. Many rare. Dozens of collectibles. Millions of gold worth of items. The net worth of my active inventory is over 2,000,000 gold, not counting my loose gold or G$, or my storage or suitcase. I have items dating back to the genesis of Gaia, itself.

Most of you will never see this level of wealth. Rejoice, for I have graced you with my presence.

I do not need a flashy profile to prove my superiority to you all.

Comment or PM to be added to my list of Worshipers, for when the End comes and Gaia crashes into E-Oblivion, Only the Avatars of the Faithful shall be Saved. Learn the Ways of Avatar-Salvation, which only I can bring you! Worship me, and have your Screen Name written into the .PDF File of Life! Secure your place in the Kingdom on the Great Disc!

No Purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. Limit of one entry per screen name. Duplicate entries will be erased from the .PDF of life and their Avatars cast into the Great Electro-Magnetic Pit of E-Heck, to be Erased for all Eternity after the Crash. Reward and punishment shall be redeemed after the Crash or Account Deletion, whichever occurs first. Yes, Keltoi Samurai CAN microwave a burrito so hot he could not eat it AND be able to eat it as well. No, I am not the Father of Gaia, only the Prophet of He whose name is LNZR. Yes, you MUST worship me to attain Salvation, not LNZR. Yes, it does make sense. No, you cannot understand the Divine Illogic that makes this make sense. Yes, you MUST obey Laws in the ToS, Given to us straight from the Keyboard(Metatron) of LNZR. No, it doesn't really matter if you do or not, for even should LNZR deem you worthy of Deletion, if you signed your S/N to the .PDF of Life, you're avatar shall Still live on forever on the Great Disc. No, lip service will not cut it. Yes, though, your name cannot be Cut from the .PDF of Life. It's contradictory, but you must believe it, too. You must be able to hold both notions in your head AND believe them both true simultaneously to be included. Or not, since once your name's in that .PDF, you're guaranteed your place on the Great Disc. Unless you screw up, and it gets erased. Which can't happen.

. . . Whatever.

. . .

Please reference the ToS and the Good Book version 3.5 for further rules and regulations.

I am Death. One of the Four Chocobomen of the Apocalypse. Fear me.

over the Xmas event, I helped over a dozen orphans leave the orphanage. Some would say I'm a great humanitarian.

. . . so why is everyone calling me a cannibal?!

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Worm of Morgoth
Why does the bible say that God is actually a gay pink flamingo who got totally pissed one day and vomited the universe into being, the largest of the diced carrots becoming the Earth?

Troll kalla mik

help me out? give me your blue bugs?

XxNiqueoxX is directly responsible for my new helm. thank you, friend.

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whenever I say something funny, click here


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Merlot Clover Report | 01/11/2017 10:42 pm
Merlot Clover
Hey...what's going on? Are you ok?
Merlot Clover Report | 12/20/2016 9:09 pm
Merlot Clover
I'll have you know, i haven't seen Penny Arcade in ages! And that reminded me of Mega Tokyo and That other web comic with the Final Fantasy sprites I can't recall at the moment. So thank you for the nostalgia. Secondly...yeah. Cats love that. Destroying things AND sanity while becoming a focal point of attention. Fluffy master mind villains with high levels of anxiety and a heavy fear of water.
Mysteryvampace Report | 10/31/2016 4:48 pm

= M V A =



K E L T O N S A M U R A I ! !


Merlot Clover Report | 10/08/2016 8:36 pm
Merlot Clover
How are you doing? cat_ninja
Merlot Clover Report | 07/29/2016 10:50 pm
Merlot Clover
^^;;;; i've been drinking...sorry. I just wrote you back. heart
Merlot Clover Report | 07/29/2016 9:46 pm
Merlot Clover
You're on! Good, i was worried. ^^ How are you??? I tried texting you the other day, but didn't want to pester you more then one text.
jellykans Report | 06/05/2016 12:52 am
Hi Keltoi, I was on and saw you were, too.
iLL Effex Report | 06/03/2015 3:58 am
iLL Effex
click--> { T - S - F - S }
BerserkLeon Report | 01/06/2015 12:16 am
I noticed you mentioned your neighbor likes to get into your wifi.
Do you already use lengthy passwords? I think mine's around 50 characters. I just combined a bunch of related words from a game and capitalized the first letter of each word. Makes it long and easy to remember.
Also if you are already using lengthy passwords and he's still getting in, check if your router supports WPS, which is push-button configuration... meaning you can press a button on the router and your device and be connected.
If it does, disable it. If you can't disable it, you need a different router if you wish to keep him out. WPS is the most insecure current security implementation because you can usually also send a PIN to the router, which will let you connect. That PIN can be bruteforced much quicker than a lengthy password. So if your passwords are already long/secure, that's likely how he can get in.

Figured I should post here instead of the thread because this would be way off-topic there.
village midget Report | 10/25/2014 8:22 am
village midget
Are you still alive or whut?


The ED's resident Ninja-Pirate-Cowboy-Christ-like-figure.

The internet is like a rectal prolapse: it makes your inner a*****e come out.

Remember, kiddies: It's only bias if it doesn't conform to [i:24051cff6f]your[/i:24051cff6f] world paradigm.



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this is my store. key word here being STORE. i.e. where you BUY things. please stop asking for me to donate items. if it were up for donation, I'd let you know.

if you want any form of trash (sans fishing trash), flowers, or Unsightly Body Hair, then I'll gladly give it up to whoever wants it.

if you want tickets, we might be able to negotiate.

thank you.


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It's all in the mind.