Song on my profile is from a youtuber that I watched during one of the lower points of my life last year. His videos helped me accept being alone and live with it. At the time I didn't have a single person in my life that I considered close to me, I still don't, and I don't see myself ever again in my life having another. It has been that way for a long time, and any time I have gotten close to someone it was one sided and ended once they found their actual friends.
His videos were about train hopping. He would camp outside the tracks and jump on a train when it came by & hide from the rail police. He traveled all around the US & didn't always know if the train he hopped on was going to the place he wanted to go to. It was an adventure, and one he often times did alone.
When ever I'm in a car I will look out the window and look at every single thing that I pass & think about them in many ways. "I wonder what it would be like to live there". "what If I grew up here", "If I was passing through here where would I stop", "If I was an angel who could teleport through out the world, where would I just lay down to relax at". I'm usually thinking about all these things at once with everything I see. One time I had been up for 40 Hours before going on a trip to another state & the whole time instead of sleeping for the 5-6 hours I was looking around doing this because everything was new.
So when I watch his videos I got to see the most remote places in America that no one gets to see except the train conductor. To someone like me, these sights are truly beautiful. Every single spot passed had infinite potential and made me want to just lay down in peace.
In the background he would cover music on a piano that had sort of a slight country folk sound to it. I don't know enough about piano to tell you what the real sound is called, but I enjoyed it a lot. When I listen to music I either listen for the lyrics, the feel of the song, the instrumental, the talent, a unique flow or the soul of the song. His piano had a soul to it that I could feel. It was the Small imperfections, stylistic choices & simplifications to the original songs he covered that gave it the feeling. Just small things that you pick up on that allow you to feel the person behind the piano, but played well enough that it all flowed perfectly. He wasn't trying to play the song exactly how it was, he did it his own way & in his heart it was good enough. When I use to make music that was the feeling I wanted to create; the feeling of a moment capture in time that can't be re-created; perfect as it is.
He didn't put on a fake personality to try to be entertaining, he showed everything as it was. He was a simple man who put up with what ever situation he was in & just adapted as it was what he had to do to survive and get where he wanted. Whether it be eating cold frozen ravioli from a can, or just being alone out there waiting hours, to days for the next train out of a boring small town in the middle of nowhere. At any time he could have called it quits and just took the easy way back home, but he didn't.
I originally found his channel after watching a Russian train hopper who spoke mostly Russian and little English. Russian is one of the languages I had been attempting to learn prior to finding this channel so that was a bonus.
I am a story writer, though I may not have the best grammar all the time, or writing structure. Pretty much I'm usually just trying to relay my message clear enough that it isn't confusing. *Drafting*. I came to videos like these, along with some documentaries so that I could experience the lives of travelers in the united states.
This was my favorite of the documentaries: https://www.youtube.com/v/_QKbIb8wcz0.
The past me was courteous to the current me & understood that I would need to grow as a person before I could tackle the beginning part of my story and relate to the messages I wanted to portray. This way I could improve it enough that when I got to the parts that I put all my focus on, (The arcs, characters, meaning & structure.) I'd be a much better writer capable of fusing the 2 perfectly. Pretty much I knew that If I started writing from the beginning a lot of the stuff I wrote would not satisfy me looking back on it, so I'll save it for last. This also gives me the bonus of being able to foreshadow things greatly & provide a story structure different from the rest of the story.
Watching his videos I always felt at peace, as if I was leaving everything that stressed me behind and going on a trip where I wouldn't have to worry about people. Reminds me of when I use to hang out at a bridge in forest by the lake while skipping school and ranting to myself about whatever crossed my mind. The feeling I got from his videos was exactly what I was looking for and what I wanted to create in my story.
On November 8, 2017, the exact day I recommended his videos to couple people he was killed by a train in my home state. A train that I have actually seen before & always though of while watching his videos. In city I graduated from. It's unknown how it happened as no one was there... but I can only imagine the horror he felt in those last moments... I didn't find out about it until a couple days later, when I had finished every video on his channel & could finally begin waiting for new videos to come out... only to find out that I had really finished every video that will ever be on this channel.
As I finish writing this I hear a train outside. Seems to happen every time I think back on this.