Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.
Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no
one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until
a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are
too busy to talk to you.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9, ...
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed
to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was
You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and
you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never
been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of
happiness you'll never get back.
LOL...at your face :3