I want to be a writer. I want to watch profound insights pouring from my pen, giving shape to fantastic worlds and terrifying beasts.I want all the glory of publication, the spark of recognition as people turn my way. I want to be somebody, somebody interesting. I've always wanted this, and I am quite sure that I always will. Just as sure as I am that I will always fear the mundane, the monotonous, the inevitability of failure.
I'm afraid to admit that I've never finished a thing in my life. Sure, a few poems jotted down here or there and soon forgotten, but nothing important. Nothing remotely consequential. I want to be great, inspirational, or at least a tad insightful. It's just that I've never had the patience, the steadfast convictions of a writer. I'm constantly writing, rewriting, and editing out any chance of meaning in a passage until it is a perfect little abomination, and I'll have to start all over, only sometimes I haven't the courage to redo it , and I don't, and that's the worst of it all.
This is not only the story of my would-be career, but the rest of my life as well. My basement is filled with my frequent failures- the skateboard I never learned to ride, the guitar that has remained untouched since I got it.My email inbox is a clutter of registration notices for websites I signed up for and never got around to using.I've so many memories of relationships that could have- really should have- gone somewhere fantastic, awe inspiring, and didn't.
My whole life is overshadowed with the pungent air of the unfinished, the should have been, the... well, the unknown. I've never really reached the end of anything, never really known where things could have gone, had I pursued them.I feel that I've left some purpose untouched, some secret conspiracy of the soul that had been meant for discovery long ago.I've always second guessed myself into oblivion before I'd had the chance to stumble upon the meaning of my life, my purpose. I don't know who I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to be doing. That's why I've never actually bothered to fill in an about me section before -for anything.
So here's to actually finishing something- what I hope to be the first steps to actually becoming who I want to be, or at least figuring out who that is.
My real name is Shelby Stormes. I'm sixteen, a junior in a public high school in a nameless little city in Ohio.I'm atheist. I like horror movies and almost every kind of music.I'm an avid reader.I want to be a writer. I also want to train to be a body piercer when I get out of school, precision piercing. I eventually want to be the piercer for a body suspension team.I'm attempting to learn website design and computer programming.I'm single, and into all flavors- males, females, and everything in between.My favorite sandwich is peanut butter banana.My favorite color is green. I am searching for my soul.