Listeners, here’s something weird.
I know you can’t see it, but it’s sitting in the studio with me at this very moment, and it is definitely something, and definitely weird. I’m not sure how it got here, but, I’m not sure how I got here either. Causation is difficult and confusing.
I haven’t tried touching it, I’m going to try touching it now.
I believe it likes being touched, because it started to vibrate and lean in towards my body, but, that could just be its way of expressing anger or immense physical suffering. When something is this weird, one shouldn’t assume to understand anything specific about it at all.
Is it a bomb?
Is it one of those objects that isn’t a bomb?
Is it just a kind of dog?
We don’t know. And we will never find out. And we will never try to find out. Ignorance may not actually be bliss, but it certainly is less work.
The Night Vale medical board has issued a new study indicating that you have a spider somewhere on your body at all times, but especially now. The study said the further research would be needed to determine exactly where on your body the spider is and what its intentions are. Only that it is definitely there and is statistically likely to be one of the really ugly ones.