Randomness dude... xDFOOT: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
HEALTH: The slowest possible rate of dying.
KARAOKE: A Japanese word meaning tone deaf.
PHILOSOPHY: A study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently.
POVERTY: Having too much month left at the end of the money.
SLEEP: A poor substitute for caffeine.
SUSHI: Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'.
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.
Scrawled in BIG ANGRY RED letters:
"I ******** your mother!!!"
neatly printed in small calm blue letters:
"Go home dad, you're drunk."
Fake friends: Never ask for food.
True friends: Are the reasons you have no food.
Fake friends: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
True friends: Call your parents DAD/MOM
Fake friends: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
True friends: Would sit next to you saying "Damn, we messed up, but that s**t was fun!"
Fake friends: Never seen you cry.
True friends: Cry with you
Fake friends: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
True friends: Keep your stuff so long they forget its yours.
Fake friends: Know a few things about you.
True friends: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
Fake friends: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
True friends: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you.
Fake friends: Would knock on your front door.
True friends: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
Fake friends: Are for a while.
True friends: Are for life.
Fake friends: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
True friends: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "b***h drink the rest of that you know we don't waste s**t."
Fake friends: Will talk s**t to the person who talks s**t about you.
True friends: Will knock the s**t outta them
Fake friends: Will read this.
True friends: Will steal this, just like I did
Thanx Maxi boy... hehehe.
10 facts about you
1. You're reading my comment 2. You're realizing that's a stupid fact 4. You didn't notice I skipped three 5. You're checking now 6. You're smiling 7. You're still reading my comment 9. You didn't realize I skipped eight 10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again. smile 11. You are enjoying this 12. You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts.
"One day in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up for a fight,
Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other,
A deaf policeman heard the noise And came to shoot the two dead boys,
If you dont believe this lie is true, Ask the blind man he saw it too"
Said the mute carpenter As he picked up his hammer and sawed
Seizing this rare opportunity, I motion to the airhostess and inform her that I could easily rid them of vast quantities of cumbersome beer and make this flight a lot safer for all concerned, to which she replies "Sorry sir, we don't serve drinks until we are airborne."
Obviously she mistook my perfectly understandable English for some alien code and I was forced to reduce my instruction to monosylables which was surprisingly met with compliance.
Having secured some liquid refreshment, I released the hostages and returned to my seat.
Excerpts from The Drinkers Fault Finding Guide:
Symptom : Feet cold and wet.
Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom : Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
Symptom : Everything has gone dim.
Fault : The pub is closing.
Solution : PANIC!!