I once was just Eirnae Natenhar, an elven mercenary with a talent for jinking locks and mucking with traps. A leader of men and women, driving my small group onward to defeat a force great enough that an army had to tear it down bit by bit. I was in love with Saki, an elven nobleman who gave up his wealth to follow the path of the monk only to return to his roots upon our wedding. We spoke of children and our future. By then I had become a shadowdancer, and followed the ways of Eilistraee, Drow goddess of the moon and magic.
Then the remnants of what we had once defeated returned, and they took my Saki from me. I nearly went mad from the grief. Risking our unborn child, I gathered the survivors of our original group and tracked down my husband's killers. At that journey's end our combined strength was enough to eliminate the threat forever. All that I had gained through training and equipment during that time meant nothing when compared to my enemy's revenge. I lost my child, and with her my final tie to Saki.
I returned to Elvanna, the forest of my birth, with my shadowkin, Alimus, by my side. I distanced myself from my remaining friends and buried my memories by hiding in ones far older. Yet I could not remain under my parents' protection forever. I set out to rediscover myself, and in the process was reunited with my mentor, Calavel, once again. Through her renewed tutelage I regained my faith and my sanity.
Not long after, I found myself on Gaia. I had been called here, and at first was not sure why. Then I came upon the Fa'e HQ, and realized that my dreams of a bloodied and winged woman were not merely me slipping past my mental brink. Such was how Shina and I came together. Vinyn came soon after, born from a crystal. My new family was growing. Firama, a black furred deepwood volu, came to live with us, and not long after that her daughter, Soldeth. More companions came into our lives, and I welcomed them with an ever warming heart.
Yet I still longed for my old home, where my parents still dwell. I did not consider this plane, this Gaia, my true home till I realized my love for Lenore Slytherin. We were guided together by our Fa'e daughters friendship, and at first I was in denial of my being drawn to her. Another sought my hand during this time, but I was not attracted to him. I have long since realized that what I felt for Lenore grew stronger than even what I felt for Saki. I had moved on, though I shall carry the love for him and our daughter with me always.
I have made many dear friends as I've resettled here on Gaia. Krista, now known as Krista DarkAngel Silme, used to be one of my closer friends. As was David Wolfenbrother, EverDark, Neith, Sayuri Nitta, Akina Tokuwa, Yuumei Tenshi, Ursah, Unseasoned, Antidia, Draconayzia, Sosiqui, and TGIB, amongst others who will remain nameless for now. I left everyone behind when I went after my Shina, and now ... Now I do not know where I belong anymore.
Lenore has left me. The little ones are almost as confused as I am, but I try not to let my sadness show. She's married someone at last, and it is not me. Another woman keeps her heart safe now. I'm trying to be happy for them. I am. I only want for Lenore's happiness ... but what about our children? What happens to them? I will strive to be enough. It's all I can do now. I can't focus on the past, no matter how much I want to drown myself in what once was. I have to move on, for their sakes as well as mine.
Goodbye, my love. I pray to my Lady that your new wife will make you happy.
Maybe you think I'm letting you go.
Maybe it's not that way.
Maybe I love you more than you know.
Maybe you'll know someday.
Maybe you think it's easy for me,
Easy to say goodbye.
Maybe it hurts me more than you see.
All I can do is cry.
But love is not enough to make you mine.
You need someone who's gonna be there all the time.
Someone to treat you better,
Someone to see you through.
Someone who'd never say
Goodbye, I love you.
"Goodbye, I Love You"
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Within the Shadows
A place for the woman behind the shadowdancer to put down her own thoughts and such. Hard hats required (for now).
Now working on - ...
I apologize for my lack of activity, but my family needs me.
I will return as soon as I can.