About

On a cold winter eveningin 1985, I was born. That makes me 25 years old, which is like 65 in Gaia years. I like to think that much joy was had by all in the world; not necessarily because I came into the world, but because it was Christmas Eve and those who were already alive were giddy with anticipation to open their presents the next morning, except for that little b*****d Jimmy who was on the naughty list and got coal.
I never got presents on Christmas though because I am Jewish. No need to point out the irony; I am fully aware that it exists.
At the age of 6, I became a vigilante sidekick. Even though I am a lesser known character in the realm of vigilante sidekicks, I would go on to become a level 7 gourmet brownie maker named Ibishusan, which I believe loosely translates to Devil Spawn. In that capacity, I would gain vengeance upon my enemies by serving them brownies with negative status effects. I'm not making this s**t up. Don't believe me? Ask waitingforanending, she was there.
I am a minor celebrity in Israel. My sister was rescued by two IDF soldiers from a couple of Arab guys who were terrible at flirting and had terrible fashion sense. Upon my sister divulging my name, they insisted on taking pictures of her. On one hand, the fact that my reputation precedes me halfway around the world is pretty damn awesome. On the other hand, it had to have been arguably the most absurd story that I have ever heard and I would not have believed it except she had several witnesses confirming that it actually happened.
When I was 11, I started playing bass guitar. When I was 13, I got an electric guitar. When I was 14, I joined a punk rock band. I became a minor celebrity in my hometown. This ultimately led to the most akward moment of my life. I had this ex girlfriend who had a drunk mom. Said drunk mom called me up when I was on tour in Rhode Island and yelled at me about being in a band. She accused me of cheating on her daughter and being a horrible influence. Meanwhile, I used my paychecks to provide food to her kids when she was too drunk to remember to go to the grocery store. I promptly did what any reasonable person would do. I said, "******** you," and hung up the phone. Needless to say, I was single shortly thereafter. Fast forward three months. I run into said ex-girlfriend at a gas station. She shows off her new boyfriend expecting me to be jealous. I might have been had it not been for the fact that he looked like he got run over by a tractor trailer. Fast forward three weeks. I run into said ex-boyfriend at a gas station. He comes up to me and says, "Sorry the ex-girlfriend was such a b***h. The only reason I'm dating her is because I am a big fan of your band and I dated her. Can I have an autograph?" I swear this s**t only happens to me.
Then I went to college. There, I met a kid who thought he was George Washington. My roommate and I got concerned, so we took him to the RA to get him help. She happened to be an African American from Haiti. It was a bad idea. Nevertheless, I somehow emerged from that experience a better and wiser man and earned an A.S. in Paralegal Studies, an A.S. in Liberal Arts & Sciences, and a B.A. with a double major in Legal Studies and Social Sciences and a minor in History.
I work as a paralegal. It was the only job where I could continue the tradition that I had begun as a vigilante sidekick making brownies, while getting paid for it. Soon, I will go to law school so that I can actually be promoted from vigilante sidekick to straight up vigilante.
Speaking of vigilantes and sidekicks, I apparently become Aquaman when I am drunk. Like Aquaman, I am able to piss all over everything and am otherwise useless when I get inebriated.
Benjamin Franklin once said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Other than the fact that I enjoy beer and minored in history, that quote was irrelevant and I only wrote it because of it's sheer awesomeness.
When Harold Camping predicted the rapture, I was hoping that it was true. Not because it would have been awesome to see people freak out, which it would have been, but because I was hoping that all the Republicans would disappear. Believe me when I say, noone is more disappointed than I am that he made an error in his calculations.
Chrono Trigger is the best RPG ever. Period.
Believe it or not, I am a charitable person. On occasion, I like to give away my gold, when I am in a giving mood. If buying things with fake currency makes you excited, you would do well to be my friend and keep in touch.
So that is pretty much the story of my life. I may have omitted some details here and there in my haste to share it with you, but I assure you that I will update this section as the need arises. Thank you and godspeed.