Juggling. Busily juggling.
I had no idea what Xemnas had in mind when he sent me here on a months-long mission. Frankly, I still don't. I just care less now - I'm having a blast.
Hi; my name is Demyx. Back when I had a heart, it was Edmy, but it's been five or so years. I still use the same last name, though - Ghatori. I'm twenty years old, and I play sitar, guitar, violin - basically anything that has strings. I love music, almost obsessively - my friend Axel jokes sometimes that that's why I don't have a girlfriend (not like his girlfriend is anything spectacular - I hate Larxene). Ironically, I can't hear very well, and rely on hearing aids for the most part.
And I have a dragon living in my head. I'm not schizophrenic, before you ask; more like possessed. Lung Qin Xiang is very definitely a separate entity who occasionally has his own ideas about what to do with my body. Sometimes he's a huge help, more often we bicker a lot (not out loud, though), most of the time he stays quiet.
(OOC note: Anything that goes in this profile is not necessarily going to have to do with anything Square Enix or Disney says about Demyx or put in Kingdom Hearts 2. Don't whine that I'm going off-canon, because I stopped caring an age and a half ago. Besides, Lung Qin Xiang is awesome.)
The Scripts of Insanity
Axel: Hey, Demyx, what are you listening to?
Demyx: "Orinoco Flow".
Axel: Oh...by Enya?
Demyx: Actually, no; this is the version by Celtic Woman.
Axel: I thought you didn't like covers.
Demyx: I usually don't, but I love Celtic Woman.
Axel: Huh...well, I don't have any sisters, but what do you think of Celtic Man? wink
Demyx: I think he has five minutes to get out of my room before he drowns.
Demyx: Well, that was the thing. Christine was really sweet, no denying that, but...I guess she was just a little too sweet, you know? I like 'em a little more fiery.
Axel: Yeah...oh, you like 'em fiery? wink
Demyx: ...Okay, what is this? When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Or in your case, when you only have one working head, that's the one you do all your thinking with?
Axel: ...What are you talking about?
Demyx: ...Would you know what a clue was if it sat in your lap and called you daddy?
Axel: Possibly. I'm just waiting for one to actually do so.
Demyx: If you find one, give it my number.
Demyx: Would you knock that the hell off? Do you have any idea how much I hate 'The Sitar Song'?
Fori: Soooooorryyyyyy...I just heard it once and went "Wow, that must be why Demyx has never had a girlfriend!"
Demyx: ...And you assume my sexual preferences run to musical instruments because...why? Is that how yours run?
Xemnas: Assuming Fifteen's information about the Lore of Haldon is true, we...Two, how often do I have to tell you not to smoke indoors?
Xigbar: Least one more time, boss. As usual.
Xemnas: ...Two, don't smoke indoors.
Xigbar: Nope, didn't work that time either.
Xigbar: Just remember, kid. Age is nothing but a state of mind.
Xigbar: ...That was uncalled for.
Demyx: I beg to differ. Besides, if age really is nothing but a state of mind, I'm older than you are. Now go get me a beer before I kick your a**, you little punk.
Xigbar: ...******** that. Get your own damn beer, you obsolete fogey.
Axel: What the hell is this? Who made it your official duty to knock holes in my ego at every opportunity?
Demyx: Well, Roxas and I had a conversation, and we decided that someone had to do it.
Axel: Great, so he's going to leave me alone from now on?
Demyx: We work in shifts. He's on duty tomorrow.
Axel: ...Well, ******** my life.
Axel: Demyx...oh, for ******** sake. Demyx, you're drunk.
Demyx: Yeah? Well, you're stupid. I'll be sober tomorrow.
Demyx: Is it wrong that whenever I hear "Never Again" by Nickelback, I start picturing you as the abusive d**k and Larxene as the poor battered wife?
Axel: ...Leaving that question aside, if I tried to treat her like that, how long do you think it would take for her to shoot me?
Demyx: She probably wouldn't. If there was any weapon handier than a gun, she'd kill you with that first. You'd probably be either electrocuted or stabbed.
Demyx: Would you like a complete inventory of what it would take for us to wipe the floor with your asses? A tennis racket, a soup ladle, an umbrella, a stack of CDs, a set of hair clips, a banana, and most of a pizza.
Axel: You know, Demyx, you really stink at being a villain. What would Xemnas say if he knew how much of your take-home pay was spent on charity?
Demyx: It's not his business what we do with our little paychecks. If it was, he'd no doubt spend them for us instead of giving them to us in the first place.
Axel: Good point, but still, Christmas food drives? You hate Christmas.
Demyx: First, I don't hate Christmas. I just hate when people try to force me to celebrate it. Second, yes, food drives. Food drives to benefit people who would otherwise not be able to afford enough food for themselves and their families, especially over the winter. People who might otherwise go hungry or have to do degrading things for the extra money.
Axel: But -
Demyx: Do I have to remind you how I lost my heart?
Axel: ...No, not really. I guess...with that context in mind, it makes more sense. Trying to keep the same thing from happening to any other poor kid.
Demyx: Yes, Axel, that's exactly right.
Axel: Yeah...we definitely wouldn't want another one of you running around.
Demyx: ...Suck me.
Axel: Hey, Demyx, I finally learned how to bake. Aren't you proud of me?
Demyx: A white cake mix from a box topped with vanilla frosting from a can isn't quite enough to impress me, sorry. Yeah, I saw the box and can in the trash.
Axel: It is not white cake mix from a box or vanilla frosting from a can. This is carrot cake.
Demyx: ...Carrot cake mix from a box topped with cream cheese frosting from a can, then.
Axel: Yes, exactly. It's only white on the surface, and brown the rest of the way through. Just like you.
Demyx: ...That was stunningly witty, Captain Tactless. Even for you. Nabisco would be proud of you.
Axel: You know, anyone else would be running around trying to put themselves out right now.
Demyx: You started it. I'm surprised you even got the reference.
Axel: Don't push your luck.
Demyx: So, Roxas, are you going to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie?
Roxas: No. Not if you paid me.
Demyx: Why not? I thought you were a huge fan.
Roxas: Ugh, haven't you seen the trailers? Compared to how he is in the books, even from the trailers, I can tell the movie is total character assassination. I mean, Sherlock Holmes doesn't drink random potent crap from bottles. Or blow stuff up unnecessarily, or even necessarily. Or strip naked and hide out in a woman's bedroom - Doyle himself said, more than once, in the stories, that Holmes just plain does not do romance. That would be like...like...like Vexen stripping down and sneaking into Larxene's room in an attempt to seduce her. That far out of character. Or like Marluxia trying to seduce Axel that way.
Demyx: ...Okay, remind me to kill you later for those mental images. Cannot unthink...
Axel: No, seriously, she's young enough to be your granddaughter.
Xigbar: Are you saying I haven't still got it or something?
Xigbar: Go back home and ******** your blow-up doll or something. Mandy and I here...wait, where'd she go?
Axel: Demyx bought her a drink while you weren't looking, and they got themselves a booth.
Xigbar: *sneaks up behind Demyx, speaks in best Darth Vader voice* Demyx...I am your father.
Demyx: *whips around and sucker-punches him*
Xigbar: ******** was totally uncalled for.
Demyx: If you're not really my father, you deserved it. If you are really my father, I've been wanting to do that for a very, very long time.
Demyx: Oh, Axel, have you seen this mission agenda yet? Look at it. We've all got code names all of a sudden.
Axel: What? Oh...oh, for...Desert Rain, Desert Rose, Desert Thunder...seriously, what the crap.
Demyx: At least it shouldn't be hard to figure out who's who.
Axel: No, seriously, if they didn't want to use our names, they could use our numbers. Or our Proofs of Existence. Or use the one word without this "Desert" s**t. Seriously, what is with this?
Demyx: It's just my guess, but I think Desert Sniper has been reading one too many Tom Clancy novels.
Axel: ...All right...Demyx, why are you harassing Luxord so much all of a sudden? I mean, I'm not even gonna pretend I get all that crap about fob watches and sonic screwdrivers and the wardrobe he never uses and having room for two hearts in his chest...but obviously, he does, and you're scaring him. That is totally not like you. What's going on?
Demyx: ...Axel, can you keep a secret?
Demyx: Good. So can I.
Roxas: I keep telling Axel about any number of computer games that I'm sure he'd like, but he keeps putting me off. "Oh, that one takes more power than my computer has. That one is meant to be multiplayer, over the Internet. I'd need a joystick to play that one." It's like he's bound and determined not to find a single acceptable game in.... Are you still listening?
Demyx: ...Sorry. Really, I am listening. It's just that having lived next to a complete perv, like Axel, for close to six years now, only one thing comes to mind when I hear Axel and joysticks mentioned in the same sentence. Especially in a playing context.
Roxas: ...O. Kay. This is going to make game time awkward for a while.... You haven't actually caught him in the act, have you? Of, um...playing with his...joystick?
Demyx: After six years? How could I not? Haven't you?
Roxas: ...Right. I'm never going into his room without knocking again, thanks.
Demyx: What are you playing now?
Axel: It's called Kingdom Hearts II.
Demyx: ...Are you serious?
Axel: With a title like that, I couldn't leave it on the shelf.
Demyx: Right...so, who's the kid with a Keyblade you're playing as?
Axel: I guess he's supposed to be Roxas's Other.
Demyx: And what are you trying to do right now?
Axel: I'm trying to kill you.
Demyx: ...You're not doing very well at that, are you.
Axel: Shut up.
Demyx: I didn't know that flooding the battlefield with water clones would hand my opponent an instant defeat if they couldn't kill enough of them within a certain time limit. That could be really useful to know.
Axel: ...Oh, God, forgive me for what I just unleashed...
Demyx: *reading and paraphrasing the back summaries of various romance novels* So...she wants him to help find her missing brother, he demands sex in payment, they fall in love because the sex was so great...He doesn't want anything to do with her, until he rescues her from a snowstorm and has sex with her while she's vulnerable and under his power, they fall in love because the sex was so great...Her family is on the edge of ruin, he offers to help them out in exchange for marrying her, she hates him until she has sex with him and then they fall in love because the sex was so great...She was a beautiful, spirited lady on the losing side of the war, he was a rich handsome lord on the winning side who demanded her as part of his spoils, he raped her and they fell in love because the sex was so great...Oh, I think I get it now! *throws books at wall* Girls don't fall hopelessly, passionately, happily-ever-after in love with me after having sex once because I don't coerce, extort, or otherwise force them into it! Really, there's nothing like freely given consent to take all the fun out of it! And nothing says "true love" quite like rape!
Axel: ...Maybe you're just not that good.
Demyx: That's not what she said.
Axel: ...Demyx...I know we've had this discussion before. The one about mind-altering substances. Now whatever the hell that is, put it out.
Demyx: I can see your ancestors.
Axel: ...My ancestors?
Demyx: Long chain of tall thin Irishmen, far as the eye can see.
Axel: What the hell are you smoking, anyway? I didn't mean offer it to me.
Demyx: *sitting in the kitchen with a good vegetarian curry*
Axel: *comes in and sits down with a plate of barbecue ribs and steak fries* Now this...is a man's meal.
Demyx: ...You know, Roxas and I will miss you for a long time after you die. Tragically young. From diabetes complications. Because you don't take -
Axel: SHUT UP.
Axel: Demyx, can you help me? I need to make Xigbar not want to kill me.
Demyx: ...Why does he want to kill you in the first place?
Axel: I took one of his cars out for a spin and ran a red light...it got caught by a red-light camera, and he got the ticket.
Demyx: Pay the ticket yourself and don't borrow his cars again, at least not without asking him.
Axel: See, I was kind of hoping for a solution that would make him not kill me and still let me borrow cars as needed. And you know he's never going to give me permission after this.
Demyx: ...I'm sorry, Axel.
Axel: For what?
Demyx: There's just no cure for stupidity, and you seem to have a fatal case.
Axel: But seriously, if you manage to get Demyx this time off, he'd suck your d**k and call you Daddy if you told him to.
Xigbar: ...Right. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but if you're sure it would mean that much to him... *sees Demyx standing several feet behind Axel* You might wanna use a more tasteful metaphor next time.
Axel: *looks behind him and notes that Demyx looks slightly murderous* ...s**t.
Xigbar: *casually* So, Axel, what kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?
Axel: Decorate with shamrocks and bury me in Ireland...later. *runs*
Xigbar: *to Demyx* Has he ever even been to Ireland?
Demyx: Doesn't matter; I'm just gonna sink him in the river at dawn. No satin, roses, or love songs necessary.
Xigbar: Demyx, can you help me with the computer?
Demyx: ...Why are you asking me in particular? Zexion is more the computer whiz...
Xigbar: Because everyone knows that Indians can fix anything to do with computers.
Demyx: ...If you didn't outrank me, I would hurt you for that. Fine. Let me see it. What's the problem?
Xigbar: I keep trying to print last week's reports, and nothing's printing.
Demyx: Nothing's printing. Okay, let me see...you're sending everything to the wrong printer. There are stickers on the front of every printer that show what its name on the network is...you've been printing to the library.
Xigbar: That's it? Why didn't I think of that?
Demyx: Because everyone knows that antiquated old farts can't be trusted with any technology more advanced than a toaster.
Demyx: I have this brilliant plan, involving mashed sweet potatoes, orange soda, and bourbon. I just need to figure out how and why to put it into action.
Axel: How and why? This isn't a recipe, I take it...though anything involving orange soda and bourbon...eugh.
Demyx: No, it's not a recipe...it involves using some of the bourbon as cologne.
Axel: ...How much of it have you had to drink, first?
Demyx: None, so far. The plan doesn't involve drinking more than a couple mouthfuls. It's really a brilliant plan, I just need to figure out why I would ever need to use it.
Axel: So you have this great plan, and you have no idea what point it has or why you would need it?
Demyx: Yeah. But as soon as I find myself in a situation where I need such a plan, I'll already have it.
Axel: ...You are nuts.
"Give it up, kid. I've been rocking since before you were born."
"Yeah, but first you had to wait six or seven centuries for it to be invented."
"Gave me a chance to hear all the best. The perfect background to be able to teach you what rock is all about."
"Get bent. You're older than Mick Jagger and less than half as relevant. I'm going to rock you to death."
"I would love to see you try, kid. I'll even start off going easy on you so you actually have time enough to try before I kick your a**."
"Ha, ha, you're so witty. I'd offer to go easy on you, but you're so completely outclassed it wouldn't make any real difference."
"You wouldn't know class if it walked up and bit you."
"You might have at one point, but it seems you've gone completely senile and forgotten it all."
"Hey, there might be snow on the roof, but there's still fire down below, punk. And you are cruising to get burned."
"Oh, is that fire? I thought it was just a steaming pile of fresh bullshit."
"Oh, bullshit, is it? All right, wiseass. Just to show you what a good sport I am, I'll let you pick the song. It's not like I won't kick your a** anyway."
"You want me to pick the song now? Fine. Fine. There's our song. Now bite me."
"'Through the Fire and Flames'? Are you shitting me? No one can beat that ******** monstrosity!"
"News flash, old man - I already have!"
Axel: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over how awesome I am.
Demyx: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the fact that I'm ******** deaf. If you want me to actually get anything out of what you say, you could try looking at me when you talk to me.
Demyx: Look at me. Look at me.
Demyx: What the ******** are you looking at? Don't ******** stare at me!
Axel: ...You've given up on keeping it a secret that you are completely ******** insane, haven't you?
Demyx: What are you talking about?
Axel: ...Your Honor, the prosecution rests.
Demyx: Hey, Roxas. You remembered the lesson.
Roxas: Right. Though there was also something I wanted to tell you before we got started.
Demyx: Like what?
Roxas: The Game.
Demyx: ...What game?
Roxas: The Game. You just lost The Game.
Demyx: Roxas, I know damn well I've told you I don't want anything to do with this stupid memetic geekery, all right?
Roxas: Too bad. You know you can't quit The Game.
Demyx: Get out of here.
Roxas: Are you just mad because I made you lose The Game?
Demyx: Let me rephrase that. Get out of here or I'm gonna break both your arms.
Roxas: You are, aren't you? You're just mad because you lost The Game.
Demyx: Roxas, if you ever mention that ******** stupid-a** Game in my presence again, you are going to die, and it will not be fast, and it will not be painless. Now get the ******** out of my room.
Roxas: What about sitar lessons?
Demyx: Sitar lessons have been canceled on account of douchebaggery. Now GET OUT!
Axel: ...So did you manage to get out of sitar lessons today without getting killed?