If I Were in Control

If I think back to my early childhood, I suddenly realize that I missed something, something so important to me that up until I had turned eighteen; I believed that nothing was wrong. But there was something wrong, I was wrong. My entire youth had been wasted by a little boy who believed that life was some sort of kid’s game. I hate that little boy, that stupid little autistic boy who rather runs around in a circle instead of playing tag with the other kids or actually kicking the ball during a soccer game instead of sitting on the sidelines picking at his shoelaces. Of course he could have been different; that boy could have easily been the most popular kid in school, kicked in that winning goal for his soccer team, maybe even have prevent his parents from separating; or at least kept them together for a few more years. But my father was too preoccupied to realize what was really wrong, and I might have remained that ignorant little boy if it weren’t for my step mother. Now I am twenty-one years old, but I’ve only been in control for three years. My name is Degobond and I have been diagnosed with a mild form of autism known as Asperger’s Syndrome, and it might have killed me if we had found it any later.













I spent nearly my entire childhood looking through a glass window, but it didn’t have to be that way. If only my father, or my mother, or even my grandparents could have noticed something out of place with me, remembering back I don’t know how it could have gone unnoticed for so long. I constantly remind myself whenever I think back to my uncontrollable youth how I even managed to learn as much as I did, and still act as if I were a complete maniac. I will not say that my life was completely ruined from my disability, nor will I say that it hadn’t. Now-a-days I might actually find peace with myself, I’m finally getting proper treatment and hopefully soon I will be properly placed in a group home with others like me. There I might actually live my life the way it should be, create friendships and join in actual conversations, maybe even start up an actual relationship. But even though I’m now looking to the future, I still can’t help but wonder what my childhood could have been like if I were in control.