Every tear that had to fall from my eyes, every day I wondered how I'd get through the night, every change that life has thrown at me, I'm thankful for every break in my heart, I'm grateful for every scar, Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, because there were lessons learned.
I am made entirely out of flaws, that are stitched together with great intentions.♥
I'm tired of words. I'm tired of carefully calculating each fragment. I've exhausted myself with all this thought. I'm overwhelmed with all the thought processes weighing me down before I make a decision. Before I conjure a sentence. Before words fall off my tongue. Let's just stop thinking and dissolve. I want to be weightless, but I don't know if floating away is going to be enough.
Sometimes, I feel like if I open my mouth, I'll start speaking nonsense. I'll start admitting things that no one should know. I only wish for everyone to know my secrets, for everyone to know all the monsters that tear within my insides, crawling out, wishing to escape. Maybe if they knew, they would understand, maybe they would care. Those days, when I feel like I can't contain anything inside me, I sleep. I sleep so I won't say something that most will never fully comprehend. I sleep to escape into a thoughtless world, where he loves me. I wish to scream to the world, out my window, and into the parking lot. I wish to scream, "I am here, and I am not alone." But some days that is all I fear. I fear of being alone, I fear of never finding someone to stay around and appreciate every ounce of my being. I fear of never finding love. I just wish I could leave this city and live in a small cabin in the woods, with the one I love. No problems, no money, no issues, no work, just love holding us together like the trees that will surround us.
If you are going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know what you're falling in love with.
You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past. You fall for my hopes and dreams, and how I'm a hopeless romantic at heart.
But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I'm with you, the way I'll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You're falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or though-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.