About
uh oh it me


January 1st, 2025
Well... this is it. The end of the road. A farewell letter. I've probably reread and rewritten this hundreds of times already. Aaaah I just hope I don't get emotional!
What can I say? I've been a member of this site since 2009 and it's been one heck of a ride. I still remember the day when I was only 14 years old, about to join MySpace for the first time when I saw an advertisement for Gaia Online and thought it was the coolest thing I had ever seen. I decided to join Gaia and never looked back. Needless to say, 14 year old me was not expecting this little dress-up site to play such a major role in my upbringing!
See, growing up in grade school, I was the "weird, quiet girl" who always sat in the back of class and was too afraid to speak to anyone. I was bullied my entire grade school life. Always an easy target for ridiculing, being made fun of and getting picked on. I had very few friends irl that I could talk to, so the internet was my only escape, and Gaia was a reliable outlet for me to connect with other people who were just like me. Oh gosh, I remember my family being so concerned over me because I hopped on the computer every chance I got lol. I was antisocial and my grades were plummeting, so they restricted my time to only using the computer on the weekends. Locked the computer with a passcode and everything. That was absolute torture for 14 year old me.
Anyway, as the years had gone by, Gaia was changing and so was I. I was experiencing so many friendships, relationships, hardships, betrayals, you name it. Found myself straying away from this site in 2011 before making my *grand return* in 2017. I decided to officially stay and made some of the greatest friends, unforgettable memories and had the hardest laughs that I will always cherish forever.
I never intended to leave this site initially, but as I've grown older, I realized I've lost that connection I once had with this site and its users when I was 14 or even 24. I'm 30 as of right now when this letter has been written, and I've blossomed into the strong woman that I am today. It saddens me to say that I honestly don't feel like I relate to this website or anyone on here anymore... Don't get me wrong, I'm still so incredibly grateful for everyone that I've met and interacted with, but I dunno, I just feel like I don't really have anyone on here that I could genuinely correlate with. It's a rather lonely feeling; a feeling I've actually been feeling for a very long time.
I do want to say thank you to everyone who has personally reached out to me to let me know I have inspired them in some kind of way. Whether it be fitness, trying or exploring new things, learning to be more confident in your own skin, etc. It truly means a lot to me that I was able to do that for you when we don't even know each other. Like as far as I'm concerned I'm just another girl on the internet, so that's just insanely mind-boggling to me. And I don't mean this to come across cocky or anything, I mean it in a sincere way, that all of your kind words remind me I must be doing something right with my life. As someone who loves to act like she has this unshakable confidence, I have a conscience that eats away at me every single day. My anxiety and insecurities overwhelm me all the time like you wouldn't believe.
Although I know everyone has their reasons for leaving, staying or coming back, I don't feel it's necessary for me to return again this time. My friends didn't want to believe me and tried everything they could to convince me to stay, and I appreciate you guys, I really do... I'm so sorry if I disappointed or surprised anyone. And I'm not quitting because of anybody, it's just the bird has to leave the nest eventually, right? I didn't want to make a public announcement because I didn't want to cause a fuss. Just leave quietly.
I hope my activity in the forums has brought all of you some sort of joy. My intentions were only to make you smile and laugh at my day-to-day life thoughts/problems/situations. If I offended or upset anyone with anything I had said, I deeply apologize for my behavior. Never ever does it make me feel good to make anyone unhappy. I really do not mean any harm. I know there are certain individuals who aren't particularly fond of me, so at the very least if you care enough to read all of this, just know I won't be trouble to any of you anymore.
Blegh, anyway I'm so sorry again. Feel free to leave a comment or something if you'd like, even if it is just to troll me. It's completely up to you. Maybe interacting with this lifeless account will keep the spirit alive at least. Thank you Gaia and everyone for everything. I'll never forget you!!!!!! And I hope you won't forget me!! <333
Wishing all the best,
cat4u
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