Names Caitin
but call me kayden,
im eighteen years old.

♥
I have a heart;; but only sometimes.
i hope you catch me when i have it;;
i give it away too often; without much a show of concern.
I'm not very healthy; And i don't want to be.
Raise my self esteem;; IT could use a boost biggrin
Have a nice day;;

Criticize me
i need someone to tell me im ugly;
fat
clingy
slow
loud
disgusting
violent.
I'm all yours after all.


all around im paranoid;; i cant stand it anymore. I know someones coming for me; and it's going to be like a carcrash smack against me hard, nobody ever really survives coming in close contact with me. To a certain extent im alone;; im so afraid of being completely alone that i ditch my friends before they can ditch me for someone better. I see all the people around me and just pick them apart wondering what makes them better than me; Everything does. I'm really Jealous;; So jealous that i feel as though i own people that i've never even met and i cant stand the way people say just the Prettiest things to them. I try too hard to impress everyone i meet knowing that maybe they'll think im better than someone else. But my jealousy just makes me feel unwanted throughout the day; and im constantly trying to find ways to Get rid of it. Im contageously curious;; searching for an adventure in small boxes and asking way too many questions. NoT Knowing makes me restless in knowing that there's something that's being kept from me in this world and i'd just love to find out what it is so i base a portion of my life wholly on a giant quest to find out what i dont know, and what people won't tell me. And i'm always afraid;; afraid to lose this game im always playing, with life, with friends, with people i hardly know. I test everyone new that i meet; i've decided fake friendships arent worth it at all so i make sure they REally want to be friends with me, Some may see my motives as Harsh; too hard on any Real human to be able to understand and take advantage of. and none have succeeded. but i'm not sorry neutral . and lately i've been Sad;; because i've been thinking all too much and it's not helping my health, Im sick in both Senses and i dont think anyone really wants to fix me anymore. I'm like that old stuffed animal that you screamed and cried for a week because I was ripped and you fixed me time and time again; but after a while I broke again.. But you've given up on me when i need you most. left me to fend for myself when we know well enough that ive never done much of anything right let alone anything to help myself.And I regret everything i do precisely after i do it but i still do this to myself, torture myself by doing Anything and everything i can time and time again, because i think that maybe one day that'll go away. but im starting to doubt it. And im in Love;; just the kind of heart racing mind blowing thing i need right now. but it means that every day im missing someone unless im right next to them; but it's worth it just to see them for a moment, hug them, hold them. It's the moment i wait for; their breath my heart stops to hear to feel; their touch my skin Crawls for. Teenage love Isn't the best idea; but im hooked.