Whoa, what year is it....?
I can't believe it's been 9 years since my last entry and 12 years since my account creation. I think for the most part my friends all quit this site and my journal/profile/whatever this is just serves as a very nostalgic and quite cringey time capsule now.
I think for the most part I want to leave my account untouched as this very goofy, strange memoir of who I used to be in my youth (though I shouldn't talk about it like so. I'm only 25 as of writing this! It's not THAT old lol) And it's whatever if anyone decides to view it. It's nice to see that Gaia is still sorta alive.
In the last decade (jesus that sucks to write) I've changed a lot as a person and sometimes I miss how much simpler everything used to be. I guess to kick it off here's some changes and/or achievements since I last wrote in here:
- I've detached from that relationship which I left tons of cryptic and subtexty journals about. We were both so very bad for each other and although we're civil now, I'll admit I still get quite uncomfortable around him.
- I've been in a relationship for approximately 6, going on 7 years now. I think it's okay for the most part but I'm nervous about the big stuff like getting married. I don't do well under pressure or making big decisions. Sometimes I still wonder if we're good for each other.
- I have four fur babies now. It's nice to have a cat that cuddles with you and sits on your lap.
- I moved out (well, got kicked out at 18 lol due to a fight w mom), but it's been relatively freeing since then. I've learned a lot about myself than I ever would have if I had stayed home.
- I graduated college with an animation degree. Kinda useless imo but I guess I'm making s**t work.
- I picked up screen printing and now I table at anime cons.
- I experienced and failed a tattoo apprenticeship and it was honestly such a s**t show. But I learned a lot about the industry and what happens behind the scenes.
I was fueled a lot by receiving praise from family and strangers in the past, but since graduating college and not having that motivator to strive for praise/doing "what I am supposed to do" has left me with a pretty empty hole in my heart. I'm still trying to figure out who I am or what path I need to take next.
Before, I was quite naive (still am now lol) but I think I'm more aware of things now than I was before. I have an intense mental pressure due to anxiety and suicidal thoughts/depression but I'm doing my best to keep a straight head and not go off the rails now. I think it's always been there but in the past I was too busy with real life s**t to notice.
I hope I know what I'm doing and that my path that I'm carving will be a good, happy, and genuine life. I'm scared for the future, my future, (mainly stuff like career path lately) but I don't have much of a choice but to keep moving forward.
I'll try my best. Please keep cheering me on, me.
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