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ok, this is something i wrote QUITE a while back. its fairly old. but, as usual, i was feeling down a rejected and vented/ranted on the poor paper in my notebook, then fergot bout it. while doing a massive cleaning i came acroos it and though it was written well, so i thought i would post it here. =3 please gimme feedback! =D

He makes me so angry! I want to bang my head against a wall! He doesn't seem to quite understand me. His simple words thrust me into fits. And yet, with a simple smile, I melt and all my worries fade away. Then their down upon me again like a flood! Frustration, joy, jealousy, love, depression, elated. He sends me on this emotional rollercoaster! But... I like it. I like to be tossed by his whim, to rebound and repeat. I like this vicious cycle of of confusion. I tip-toe around him, I put his own happiness before my own, I constantly insist on being near him- And mixed together I am rewarded with his attention and almost child-like affection. He gives me the will to fly, and a purpose to fall. He is my Mr. Right.

/vent

this place is meant fer me to rant right? so i have no shame in ranting and whining, right? ok, well here i go.

... now i cant quite think of what to say. LIFE SUCKS!! well, not always but fer the blunt it does. most of my friends already know about my 'obsession' or my crush, ely. for those of you who DONT know, allow me to explain. upon moving to this side of town and entering this school, i met liz, who i call ezzy. instant friends. then i met her boyfriend. instant crush. BAD ME! XP and ive been crushing on him fer a lil over a year and a half now.... ive tried to forget it, ive tried to stop, ive tried banging it out of my head. X.x that last one hurt. its not like i hid it either. its straight out in the open, everyone knows about it. thay make jokes and stuff... but it just irks me so bad.... that the one HE loves... hasta be ezzy... who, while not necessarily conciously, flirts wiv everyone,whines sooo much (bout stupid things.) shes one of my ebst friends but sometimes i just want to hit her. she just dun get it. why cant i be the one that makes him happy? and there are ertain things that just sting so bad... like on a not so common day when hes in a really good mood, that hes actually hanging on liz, seeing that, it hurts. or even worse, on the even rarer days when I get to be close to him... and know that i can never claim him. and then i go, stupid me, and date some guy who is in all honesty a nice guy, really. really, if i had a CHOICE in the matter, id sign my ehart away to him. but i cant. and i continued to be snagged on ely... i dont want to hurt anyone anymore...but i have resigned. i will watch, from behind, i will watch him closely, from now on untill i cant. untill that dreadfull day comes here he moves... just one more year... it will come... and i know ill cry. i just know it. HA I SOUND SO STUPID! argh, to all of you there who ACTUALLY read this all, i salute you.

on another note: whats up wiv people and trying to comit suicide? ITS STUPID! *sigh* i know times get hard... and you just wanna give up... or you conclude that the only way to stop the pain is more pain... i can understand that, i knwo that feeling, but suicide is just lame. i mean, if you can live through yer tough times, that just shows your strong and can shine alot brighter. or maybe im just a pathetic optimistic...

lol, ok, so this is my first post... so... hi!! XD check out meh guild?? it needs members. ^^;; i like to rpg, draw, and make layouts. whee ok, gotta go to work now. gonk bye bye!!!