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So for all you new to my journal entries you seen a lot ups and downs in my life hurts and good things. I haven't written in this journal for 2 years now and I think its time for a update hehe. :3 I got engaged with my love of my life Leslie K Daniels she makes my tummy fly like a butter fly and she loves me the way I am.

I cheer her up and she cheers me up and we cheer each other on! I moved to Indiana with her to her parents house but first thing first she moved in with me and just it didn't really work out cause there wasn't much to do in a small town I lived in and not enough jobs to get up high there either so we moved to a better location. I also changed a lot I use to be this worried mess that worried and second guessed herself alot. I was impatient and over worried to much and cling to my love and couldnt let her breath. Until we both did something not to many relationships do is to talk about what each of us need to work on and to improve.

I told her my thoughts and feelings and she said hers. I needed to work on patients and not worry to much about small things and I told her she needs to be more affectionate. Through both are changes we did make it work out and now were together in person loving each other nonstop loving every bit of are madness and fun haha.

We did some thing most people can't do is wait and work with each others needs to keep moving forward and we had such a long time apart from each other cause we were long distances relationship for 2 years. We finally made it together in person forever and I proposed on the new year of 2017 and the ending of 2016 hope to be married next year of September 23 2018.

This also might be the biggest update I have ever done for my journal sorry haha there is lot to talk about and a lot of ideas and thoughts I want all you to know. I'm Transgender I going to go through the change but not full sugary cause I want kids still and I'm fine by that. I love myself and who I am I really do and who I am is a woman :3 my baby still loves me as I am he he. Its amazing here in Indiana cause spring is really here and nice weather and warmer for sure.

The crazy thing is that its be raining lot lately and it hurts me to be depressed and I hate that feeling but it hits me harder when it rains but I think about happy moments with my love and love it so much it makes me smile and helps me keep going and really thinking about her makes everything so much easier to keep going. I'm so growing out my hair again and I can't wait until it covers my body. Id like to be a model for fantasy and for cool cosplay and stuff.

I also learned down the line no matter how much you care for someone you need to learn that you need to care yourself is even more important like that saying goes if you can't love yourself you can't love others and its perfectly true cause for the last 10 years I would do 100% of my will power to all my friends and help them out much as possible id give them all of me no matter what and cared so much. Id stay up until 7am and be trashed the next day with all these emotions of others effecting me but I was helping them and not myself.

Then I tried something out like I started to care for myself and talked less towards the people I cared about and did what I wanted for once and really enjoyed it. No rush no worries. Then my friends started to be rude hurt my feelings the things they said to me that I wasn't loyal friend wasn't there best friend no more cause I talk less. You know what I said to them when they said this stuff.

Screw you cause I got my life together and you don't and I been there for you all day everyday for the last past 10 years and yet this is what I get for all my hard a** work for caring well that is going to change now I am helping myself and trying to heal my problems and fix myself and be more independent and you should do the same love yourself and see what happens lot of good stuff happens that's what and less worries of what other people thing. I love my friends and I love my enemies but when they can't stand on there two feet by themselves when I tried to help them all there life pretty much its time for them to help themselves to change for the better good. Im no expert on helping people.

I'm no doctor that knows everything but I dam well try to help all people that have fallen under depression and hurt but I know that to get out of depression well one of these ways is to focus on the things you have done good in your life and also do something you love to do and if that don't help then take a walk don't just stand there or lay down thinking about horrible things building up inside you do something change something.

I know everyone is different and depression can be this be bolder that can sit on your back and you can't do anything. Ive been in depression many times but I sometimes fight through then other days its really really dam hard but I never let it stick around cause that emotion don't need to be around at all. That is all for the update I am glad to talk to my journal on gaia online again. its been a long adventure but im sure to check in once in a blue moon for a less big update. xD

P.s I love you all and I hope you all have a amazing day!!!!

Zeeda Rowa
Community Member
Zeeda Rowa
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