mate i just need ******** skittles god ******** dammit i dunno how im gonna do this bloody test i know i can do it im just feeling like s**t right i dont know what the ******** im supposed to do i have a handful of skittles daily and i got all this bloody late work and i wont relax until march and even then ill have all this useless s**t to fill in to keep my grades up i only got a month left and then the home stretch and ******** exams and ******** its so late and i have to stay up doing this s**t somehow ******** ******** ******** ******** ********
and that i can really get my grades up and be the best me
and that's a good thing
i just haven't had the proper confidence in myself since three years ago when i basically got a whiplash from everything that happened
i mean im in a good position now
i just have to work on mental strength
but if there's anything i want
it's someone to talk to that i can really talk to
not my parents or relatives or teachers or counselors or psychologists
not even my friends to a certain extent
i need someone i can really vent to
someone who doesn't have to present a solution to be helpful to me
someone that doesn't nag me or give me phony solutions or let my words go through one ear and come out the other
that's near impossible
the only person i can think of lives far away from me
and i don't know how well they'd be able to help
at this point i need to talk to someone who actually knows what i've gone through
someone whose experienced the same thing with similar extremes
someone that understands what it's like to doubt your own intelligence even when everyone around you, people that happen to be way smarter and more experienced than you, claim that you' really are above average
i just need to prove it to myself and get my confidence back and it's not just one thing that's gonna do it
not even meditation or exercise or taekwondo can help
im just searching now
the end of the year is approaching fast and i have to do something before then
the test im moving to august is going to determine my life at this point