So, I have just been released from the hospital and my doctors are pushing hard, they want me to seek recovery. Honestly I cannot picture my life without anorexia. I can't imagine gaining weight, if I weigh more than 105lbs, I am pretty sure it would be the end of the world. I love being small, I love it when people tell me that I am too skinny, or that I need to eat. I love the control, I love being small.