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So much happened this month. I don't know why this random wave of depression just hit me- or why some of my exes decide to come back into contact with me all in the same month. I just feel alone, and its funny cause I keep friendzone-ing myself whenever some girl tries to get close to me. I was looking at old messages lately and it made me realize how much of an a*****e I am.

Every single break up ended so horribly because of me. I was so cold, and just selfish...and straight up mean while the other person is crying and begging for me not to be stupid. No wonder why everyone hates Scorpios.

I dated a Scorpio once. She was my recent ex actually- she acted just like me in every way. The pettiness, the jealousy, and the over thinking- she really had it all. I finally witnessed what it was like to date myself. It was a ******** roller coaster lol. One second we're all lovey dovey, talking about our future together- the next we're arguing and ignoring eachother for days, then we're back to having sex every single night. She gets jealous when I'm out with my friends, she gets jealous when I'm with family- she over thinks when I'm being a bit quiet, she gets sad whenever I don't talk to her. I thought that I would like something like that, cause I myself act like that.

but it sorta got ridiculous whenever she got mad at me when I spent time with family. I can't blame her- I was like that with my exes too. Maybe scorpios are just ******** up in general.

I honestly don't know why I feel so lonely, I have enough people to talk to. I guess its just those times where I'm hanging with the cousins and they're all holding onto someone that they love and noticing that I'm just there by myself that sorta gets to me. I mean, it's scary thinking about growing old by yourself.

I guess it feels nice to know that people that was in my life before still thinks about me- I guess I wasn't too shitty of a person to be forgotten.
I just feel really sad whenever I talk to someone that I once dated and hearing them tell me that they became depressed because of me. Or they stopped caring for relationships because of me.

I never thought I could impact anyone like that.

I guess I just need someone broken like me.
so we can talk about how shitty things were for us, ********, and support each other until we both manage to forget all the bs.

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  • [08/25/17 04:07am]

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