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Marvelous Machinations
An exercise in ephemera acquiescing to evanescence and oblivescence.
It cost too much
The price paid for transgressions and trespasses isn't always a literal one, but the cost can leave one just as destitute. A poverty of the heart, a homeless soul, a homesick sense for the walls, hallways, and windows: the home made in kindness, compassion, and grace of others.

It's imagery that's been exhausted, ironically enough, to death that one, one dearly departed, to bribe or pay the ferryman Charon to cross the river Styx. Styx separates the world of the living from that of the dead. It'd be a kind of justice to have to pay all the people I happen to find myself dead to. A tax for carrying the memory of me, the burden and nature of the damage I've done. A cost to haunt.

New Chapter: "Without You"
I won't mourn who I used to be. I won't mourn for the precious things I built with precious people. Friends are a privilege and knowing that now will leave me more open to the experience. I don't know what role my loneliness will play in future relationships, but I think I'm better equipped now than to give into the worst of me. Especially with people that believe I'm capable of being better and doing more. I won't more what was lost. I've grieved enough and now it's time to grow

I squandered the best resource I had available to me: Good people.That won't happen again. The only pain I want to feel from now those from growing. Growing pains, taking up space I've made for myself. The space I make for myself in my life and the lives of others will be something I nurture and cherish.

I won't mourn but I can't help but account for what's gone. I don't want to miss anyone ever again.

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