i realized something.
things are changing between us. so much. whether it's for the good or worse, i don't know.
what i want to know is how this crap happened. i miss you. not in a romantic kind of way. just in a friend way. i miss not seeing you every day, and joking with you. i love you a lot - like a brother. i also really miss those late-night conversations with you, and the times when we relied on each other for support. you made me feel like i wasn't alone.
why is it that you assume that with us, either we have to be in a relationship, or we have to hate each other? it's okay for us to just be in a normal, healthy friendship. why ruin a good thing?
the reason why i miss you is that i haven't seen you in over a month, much less had an actual conversation with you. this is a change from seeing you twice a day or more. i can't wait to see you, but i also kind of dread it because i'm afraid that too much has changed for us to continue being friends.
what really confuses and hurts me is when you have these moments where you'll just ignore me or try to hurt me for no reason at all.
take for example, our last "conversation". i heard you got back from camp and wanted to catch up so i texted you. this is what happened:
me: hey
you: hey
me: what's up homie g? =P
you: stare
me: ...?
*no response*
seriously, wtf? i can't deal with stuff like that. i have enough stresses on my own without having to worry about accidentally offending you.
and then there are times when you'll just sit there and pick on me nonstop for hours. i can take a joke, i laugh at myself. i have a sense of humor. but you have to know when enough is enough, and eventually i just get annoyed. when this happens, you get mad at me for being a "tight-a**". because i don't like it when you tear me down constantly for hours at a time.
then, afterward sometimes you'll try to act all sweet and say cute things, without even apologizing or anything. you just act like all that never happened. it drives me crazy. and you wonder why i like your brother better than you.
i've tried to be the best friend i could be to you. when she dumped you, i was always there for you to talk to, even late on school nights when you'd wake me up to complain about her.
i restored you back to sanity when you were an emotional wreck. i defended you when anyone said anything mean, protected you from any hurt.
when we dated, i tried to be the best girlfriend i knew how, considering how little experience i had, and how i felt little romantic feeling toward you. during our first relationship, i had an enormous problem in my family life, and it was absolutely miserable at home. but i covered up these feelings and put on a smile for you. i'm sorry if you think that the fact that i'm not a bisexual druggie whore (which you apparently have a thing for) makes me fail at life.
even in the times where we hated each other, i tried simply to avoid you, rather than pick a fight.
i can't do that anymore. i just can't keep trying to be a good friend when all i get is crap and heartache in return. i don't deserve that.
basically what i want to say is... i'd like to be your friend. i want you in my life. i care about you very much and appreciate everything your family has done for me and my family. but if you're not willing to change, then i don't want you in my life. plain and simple. i'd be much better off without you anyway if you want to be that way.
your choice.
things are changing between us. so much. whether it's for the good or worse, i don't know.
what i want to know is how this crap happened. i miss you. not in a romantic kind of way. just in a friend way. i miss not seeing you every day, and joking with you. i love you a lot - like a brother. i also really miss those late-night conversations with you, and the times when we relied on each other for support. you made me feel like i wasn't alone.
why is it that you assume that with us, either we have to be in a relationship, or we have to hate each other? it's okay for us to just be in a normal, healthy friendship. why ruin a good thing?
the reason why i miss you is that i haven't seen you in over a month, much less had an actual conversation with you. this is a change from seeing you twice a day or more. i can't wait to see you, but i also kind of dread it because i'm afraid that too much has changed for us to continue being friends.
what really confuses and hurts me is when you have these moments where you'll just ignore me or try to hurt me for no reason at all.
take for example, our last "conversation". i heard you got back from camp and wanted to catch up so i texted you. this is what happened:
me: hey
you: hey
me: what's up homie g? =P
you: stare
me: ...?
*no response*
seriously, wtf? i can't deal with stuff like that. i have enough stresses on my own without having to worry about accidentally offending you.
and then there are times when you'll just sit there and pick on me nonstop for hours. i can take a joke, i laugh at myself. i have a sense of humor. but you have to know when enough is enough, and eventually i just get annoyed. when this happens, you get mad at me for being a "tight-a**". because i don't like it when you tear me down constantly for hours at a time.
then, afterward sometimes you'll try to act all sweet and say cute things, without even apologizing or anything. you just act like all that never happened. it drives me crazy. and you wonder why i like your brother better than you.
i've tried to be the best friend i could be to you. when she dumped you, i was always there for you to talk to, even late on school nights when you'd wake me up to complain about her.
i restored you back to sanity when you were an emotional wreck. i defended you when anyone said anything mean, protected you from any hurt.
when we dated, i tried to be the best girlfriend i knew how, considering how little experience i had, and how i felt little romantic feeling toward you. during our first relationship, i had an enormous problem in my family life, and it was absolutely miserable at home. but i covered up these feelings and put on a smile for you. i'm sorry if you think that the fact that i'm not a bisexual druggie whore (which you apparently have a thing for) makes me fail at life.
even in the times where we hated each other, i tried simply to avoid you, rather than pick a fight.
i can't do that anymore. i just can't keep trying to be a good friend when all i get is crap and heartache in return. i don't deserve that.
basically what i want to say is... i'd like to be your friend. i want you in my life. i care about you very much and appreciate everything your family has done for me and my family. but if you're not willing to change, then i don't want you in my life. plain and simple. i'd be much better off without you anyway if you want to be that way.
your choice.
