i am actually jealous of your mother because i wish you would have said that i was always there for you
i always wanted to be there for you
but that was probably more for me than
for you. sorry.

what if i never feel this way again
daddy daddy daddy let me be your little girl
i would never say that to anyone but you. least of all
my own

readily i admit this means nothing but that
doesn't solve the remainder.

never kept in touch and
not keeping was just slipping out of reach.
ram your d**k down the back of my throat.
that's the only creative writing i scrape out of
my throat. else, i scrape out mucus and gag
because i eat too much because i feel too little
because i no longer have the privilege of
creating my own sensation. ******** i can't even find
my knife almost made me cry just thinking that i don't know where to find it
is there someone i'm forgetting about who's deeply concerned with me
why should they be i don't care about them i just care about me
i care about myself more than enough for the rest of the world
i care enough to gouge out everything disgusting and berate myself and protect myself from anything constructive or critical or
i just leave myself a mess
fit for myself