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Little Black Book of Eventually Read Secrets
Maybe its the sun outside, and the beautiful breeze.
Or maybe it's my painkillers talking.
But I'm feeling optimistic lately. I'm excited for whats to come.

We finally got back on our feet. It took us 7 years, but here we are, finally. I never thought we would get here after everything fell apart. When the mine closed, and Aaron lost his job in Timmins...I thought that was it. We moved back in with my parents in Toronto, and I just couldn't see it. I couldn't see us ever living on our own again, living our own lives.

But we did it. 2 kids, a dog, a house, a car. We took out a sizeable loan for the car, but we have groceries, insurance, bills paid, and our bank account isn't at $0.00. I'm sitting here feeling lighter than I have in weeks, making plans for the future, with no immediate worries on my mind.

Well, except for my surgery. But that's okay. Its going to change my life. My future babies will be healthier, my back's degeneration will stall, I can live my life the way I want to. I have a lot to do, between here and there, and it's not going to be easy in the least. But I want it so badly, I will gladly give up everything to get there. I want to live my life again. I want to go back to college. I want to work. I want to go outside. I want to wake up without this pain. I want to throw away the pain killers...I want to be free again.

I am nervous though. Saying all that is easy. Doing it is my next biggest challenge. I have so much I need to figure out between now and my surgery, which will probably be in August, I imagine. Maybe September. Logistics, lodging, childcare, puppy care. We have a car, and I'm going to take out a loan for the trip to Toronto. So I'm not too worried about that. I'm more worried about my after care. I can't lift more than 10 pounds for some time, so that means I can't lift my daughter, whom is a baby. I won't be able to do a lot of things.

I'm thinking about staying with my parents for a week or two while I recover once I'm home from Toronto. Dad is retired, so they will be up north in their house. I can bring the kids with me (after I confirm with daycare that Tom won't lose his spot for missing a week), and get some help while I heal. My husband can't miss anymore work days...as it is, we don't know what on earth we're going to do for the week I need to be down south. Ahh, things we need to figure out. Its not easy.

But I'm feeling optimistic about the future. I know we'll get there with time. I just need to continue to make my plans, and look forwards to all the appointments I have coming up in these next two months. I need to do good. I need to do better. And everything will be alright.

I guess my only fear is the pain. You'd think, after dealing with pain for 10 years, that I wouldn't be so scared of it. But I've never dealt with pain like this. And I'm scared I will regret it all when it's too late.

But, like I said;

Everything will be alright.

Azure Starwish
Community Member
Azure Starwish
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