Some people commented on my last older post about me cheating on someone. I had my reasons, and yes, it is horrible. I'm not that great of a person--as most of you can tell. One bad trait is that I can be very hypocritical. I've been cheating on many times, but hey, I've done it once before. There is a ton that many of my friends at school do not know about me. It's somewhat sad... you know, when you consider someone a very close friend and they know just about nothing of you.

They just know that I'm a b***h during that time of the month, or I'm a completely random girl that some like. Right.. People either like me, or they hate me. They usually take their pick and then it never changes. They know me because I smile and wave at people in the hallway. People know me because I like to dance and be straight foreward at school. Meh. Whatever. THat's what they can know. I feel distant from those friends, but they never really ask. They never ask what's going on at home, or do you want to hang out after school? What was your life like in the past--and why the ******** do you go to counciling?

Why do teachers know more about you and your friends do?

But hey, that's how it goes.

On IRC, Alex asked me to be 'his' and I told him that I was taken. Same with Nick, who desperately hopes that we can get back together and everything would be cool even after I cheated on him with Mister John. I don't know. Do guys like it when I hurt them or something? I've called Nick every horrible name under the sun because of arguments we've been in and yet he still bounces back and declares that he is inlove with me. Who gives these people the right to say that they are inlove with me? Clark, too! But I haven't spoken with him in forever. God ruined us. God used him to convert me and then drove him away when he realised that I was too strong for his persuasion.

Either these people want in my pants, or they do love me. Whatever they want, I can't necessarily say that they will get either in return. I remember when I was head over heels for someone that we called Apathy or Calintz at the time. I don't want to mention more names, but he had declared to love me too. Man. These people, these concepts in life, they have no right to declare these things. I had no right to say them back then. THese current people whom have found some sort of sanctuary in me need to realise that I am not what meets the eye.