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This is it. This everlasting darkness. I see it before my eyes, just barely out of reach. This same darkness I used to be so frightened of, I'm calling it me. I want it now. More than ever before. I want to surround me, to engulf me, to give me everything I desire. It's as if nothing is missing in this darkness. Everything is there, or maybe it's there because I imagine it's there? No. It feels like it's there, so it must be. But what happens when I walk towards this darkness? It won't have me. Why won't it have me? "You are too pure for me. Take away the light, it burns." So I turn, only to see an everlasting light. It's so bright, and there too, it seems that nothing is missing. I am too pure? So maybe I must be for the light. As I walk towards it, it too turns away. "You. You are impure. You are a disgrace to this light. Take your darkness and be gone."
W...where am I supposed to go now? I am too pure for the darkness, but not pure enough for the light? I was left incomplete... Not good enough for either side. Where the hell am I supposed to go? I can't truly be this worthless... I want to go home! But where is my home if it's neither in the dark, nor in the light? no matter which way I turn... no one is offering me a hand. I'm rejected. An outcast. Not good enough. Not bad enough. This swirling darkness mocking me. The golden light blinding me. This falling feeling in my stomach, the faces of my guardians flashing before my eyes, and right before I hit the ground, him.
And as my eyes open, I realize...it was a dream. But it wasn't just an ordinary dream. It was much too real. And I realize now, I cannot continue being incomplete. I cannot stand on this line of neutrality any longer. I need to go, to the left with the darkness, or the right with the light? I must admit, the left side seems much for appealing. I begin inching towards it, but it seems to reject me, as does the right side. I realize finally, this was no dream. This was me. And I'm still stuck... in this horrible pit of neutrality. This horrible line and I don't know which side I will cross. I know which side I want to cross... or rather.... if I truly knew, I wouldn't be standing here. Someone give me a candle. Give me your hand and pull me to your side. I cannot decide on my own, though I know I must.
And a voice from behind me calls "You are not this weak child. Make up your mind, and cross." So I stand tall again, and look to both sides. My strength regained by this voice I've heard deep inside me for so long. I gaze at each side, and I lift my foot to cross the line.....
 Miss Mikiki · Sun Apr 15, 2007 @ 04:08am · 1 Comments |
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