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Just decided, I'm not going to class today. And found an ingeniuse way to skip with out making myself want to shoot my leg off for not going... I decided I'd sleep through it. Of course, with my bad ******** luck, I deamed about Saturday testing, and class today. I was ********' tiny and evryone in my class was all pissed or dissapointed in me, I sat in the middle of the dojang while people shook thier heads, others whispered to eachother and others yelling at me. Then I was told to do like all these things and just couldn't stop ******** up...what a way to skip huh? stare ...I finaly wake up, and class was getting into the second hour... I can't stand staring at the damned clock and not do ANYTHING, but I'm sitting and am now waiting for it to all get over and done with.... stressed ...Jeez, it's like watching malasis on ice or something! scream

poor maisake *hugs* hey don't feel bad.....happens to everyone....we all screw up at least once in our miserable lives.....i failed math quizzes before, i know i screwed up in getting to my next belt in tai kwon do a year ago, and i know i made many mistakes in life.....trust me on that.....but everything will be better......trust me....
and that's a sad way to skip.....why not say you hurt your ankle or something physical? hmm?
think of it like this.....when my bf cheated on me, A: he was confused, and B: he felt so terrible for it.....but he didn't stop loving me for an instant.....even afterwards.....so now he's trying to earn my trust back....if your school accepts your mistakes, you should keep for that goal.....and try, try again.....don't give up hope....i'm still rootin for ya!!! wink btw no comment on the previous example.....maybe in MY journal.....but not here.....please?

Sad way to skip?...Nah...It would've worked if it werent for that damned dream...I was just trying to figure out a way to pass the time with out going crazy and end up argueing with myself (internaly) for 2 hours.

Example: DM=Determined Me SM=Shitty Me

Dm:"What the ******** am I still doing here!?! I need to get ready ******** it all, I HAVE to go!"

SM:"No I can't...I can't stand to have sensei stare down at me like that, all disapointed and what not..."

DM: "But I have to keep on going!"

SM: "...And every one else thinking 'and she used to be the best...what happened?' I'm scared to know what my outcomes are from Saturday...either way I know I'll end up crying once I get home...."

DM: "s**t! Shitshitshitshit! I can't just sit here though! I NEED to train, to teach, to sweat, DAMN IT!"

SM: "...but I can't go, I was supposed to set a good example and failed..."

DM: "********' A. I have to TRY!..."

SM: "...but I cant...."

DM: "s**t!"

SM: "...no..."

DM: "No!"

SM: "..." crying

DM:"..." stressed stare

And so on...haha what a long a** skit...

Well...yea, point is sleep was my way of avoiding all that craziness...not that it felt any better mind you. sweatdrop (Yes...that IS what would have been going on in me for 2 hours straight.)

hey buck up there! just cause you messed up once doesnt mean you should give up all together! "Rome wasnt built in a day!" "if you fall of the bike, pick yourself up and try again!" Listen to your determind side...it knows what its saying...i have complete faith in you! just go back to your class and train again and this time train on the things that you messed up on last time...streghten your weaknesses! you can do it gurl! dont ever doubt yourself...the minute you do is the minute you give up all your dreams...if this is something you truely enjoy doing then you should never give up! Take me for example...I'm in chorus and have been since the 6th grade and I still have shitty days where my voice isnt on pitch or i miss notes all the time...but I'm still gonna shoot for my dream to become famous for my voice one day 3nodding NEVER GIVE UP...NEVER SURRENDER!!! 3nodding

Thanks guys...I knew what I was doing, it's just that...well...I don't know what the hell happened to me, I just shut down...Everyone always loked up to me in that class, but Saturday...it was like I let them all down and stuff...I know if I stayed awake that whole time, I would have eventually gone-My determined side gets the best of me, I know that much...but at that moment, I was scared and couldn't stand the arguement in my head, so I decided "Screw it! Shut up in there, I am going to bed!" and DM was like "NOOOOOO!" While SM was like "Horah!"....I hate my Shitty/weak Me stare -it just isn't who I am inside to act like this, so I know there is something wrong, but I can't put my finger on it...I will try though, eventualy I'll pick myself back up agian....I hope, Thanks. ^_^