So I can totally get back on gaia again!!!!
It's so weird...
Anywho...
This post will only make sence if you've read my last one I guess...
Okay, ever since lunch I've felt so angry and depressed. I've wanted to bash peoples heads in. I almost jumped on my sister and began ripping her hair out in PE, remembering how angry I was at her in the morning.
But probably the worst was when I wanted to sock one of my friends square in the face, which would send her to the floor (because she's so small), and kick her in her stomach because she kept being a ******** little b***h to me!
I just wanted to shut everyone I was hanging out with up!
But since I couldn't do that I just wanted to slam my head into a wall. Smash it between a door. Rip every vien in my body open and watch the blood seep out in huge crimson pools.
******** me! I'm such a ******** loser.
So I was talking to the girl that is that one guys friend again today, and she totally and completely confirmed my suspition. For the longest time, I had the suspition that that guy was gay. Even the first time I saw him I thought it. But he always said he was a complete homophobe. Now believe me, that's NOT the reason, I'm very pro-gay. Duh. But just the fact that... I don't know, just that he says that and that he tries to date girls...
Stupid, stupid, stupid...
So I don't know what's up, I don't even think I'd say yes now, I said I would, but I don't know...
But it makes me sad that I won't find anyone else, no one could ever love me, that's all I keep thinking. I'm nothing. Noone would want nothing.
Ugly. I try, but I'm never as pretty as the other girls. That's all I think.
Stupid. I try, so hard, but everyone I know is younger and smarter then me.
Unwanted.
I don't understand even me.
I did it again. I'm sorry. To all of you who know me and know what I'm talking about. I thought I was okay. I thought I had stopped my self, but when I did it, it felt so right. Like what I had been missing for so long. That pain.
Love me, love you.
