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An old woman came up to me today when I was at work. She wanted to cash a check. Mid-way through, she looked up to me and asked in the most relaxed and friendly way I think anyone could have asked,
"So, when will we finally do away with all this physical currency?"
I smiled and continued finishing the transaction, replying,
"Oh, I'd say about eight to ten years."
She nodded and chuckled, beginning to pack things back into her purse.
"Heh, well, it's after my time... and a good thing too, the world will either be in a big mess, or it'll be heaven. I'm too afraid of what might happen. I pray for you."
It was then that I actually stopped what I was doing and looked at her. She didn't have an ATM card, or really anything that most individuals have. She had a small money pouch, and her clothes her very simplistic, though warm (since it's been really cold lately). I found myself wanting to talk to her some more, or forever really. It was a feeling deep down, that kind of stirred, and then went away as I replied.
"Well, we'll seen soon enough I suppose. Is there anything else I can do for you? No?...have a good day ma'am."
She left... and that was it. I could have talked to her, I should have talked to her, but my loyalty to my job pushed her away, and bade me remain "professional".
But I'm sitting here now asking myself...What would have happened if I continued to talk? What if I finally spoke out? Made myself known to the world?
I've told you, I'm going to do something big for this planet, I'm a creator, just like all of us are. But it's been hidden what I actually will do.
Deep down inside, I've a tremendous anger for the modern world. For all the modern values, the modern tricks, the loopholes, the fads, the money, the stress, the ignorance, the indifference...it's nights like these that the anger bubbles to the top, and I want to shout with a megaphone to the world what should be done. What?! I have the gaul to say what should be done? As if anyone has that right...
But I'm not here to lecture, or to be practical. You already know what needs to be done don't you? Yes, yes you do.
You know, everyone with my branch at work hates their job, they despise it, and couldn't care less about it. Why do we do it? What progress are we making within ourselves? very little...very little. But you may think to yourself, Hey ******** you! I AM making progress! I'm saving up! I'm saving up so that I don't have to do things like this for the rest of my life! I'm saving up so I can go to college and learn how to make MORE money So that I can save THAT up so that I don't have to work for the rest of my life! And who knows, everyone says that going to college will allow me to do the things that I really want to do. Like..say, go into graphic design! I certainly love to do graphics..
...but oh no...now that I've actually gotten the job, I'm realizing that I don't actually get to do what I really wanted to do. But oh well, I got this far right? I'll just ignore the regret and continue with it..
I could go on. But I'm sure you get the idea.
The study of human behavior, I stated that in my last journal entry. Why do I want to study human behavior? Well, I've actually always done it. I've always watched people discretely, so as not to be thought of as weird or freaky. I especially seem to enjoy it when others are mad, or sad, or at some extreme emotion.
but what really fascinates me to no end, is the compromises people make with themselves to try and survive in today's world. How they fight back the tears and become cold-hearted individuals, with nothing but contempt for those who still have fire in their souls. Why continue working for no reason but for the 'holy dollar'?
Are you afraid? Of course you are. I am too...who would dare go against money? Business? And would that really change things? Would people change? Yes, yes they would. However, they'd only adapt to the situation such that they'd become lazy, and wait for the government to fix the problem. Problem...pfft.
Am I a communist? Hah, no. Not even close...Communists are so weak that they have the right ideas, but they still can't let go of fortune...pitiful.
I simply want to be simple. Simplicity is peace, you know. But we're afraid of that, aren't we? The term "simple" has even become something of a degrading term. "How simple of you to not understand the ethics of the modern world" you say. but I smile back and say, "Thank you for the compliment, I'm trying. And I hope you'll be there with me soon."
I honestly believe simplifying everyone and everything around you is the only way to actually progress in this world. Yes, that's what I think. but it's impossible isn't it? What if people stopped going to work? What if people simply took things from the grocery stores just because they were hungry, or they needed it?
People would get greedy and nervous wouldn't they? They don't know how to farm, or to make their own food. They'd store as much as the they can from the groceries, and it'll be everyman for himself. A lot of people would die. Almost as much as people are dying now.
The grocery stores here are bursting with candy, and sodas...while so much of the other nations of the world and horribly poor, with people starving left and right. Why don't we share?...Well...because they don't have the money to purchase it. Heh, why don't they earn it? make a living? Get a job? If they fall in line, then their rewarded with plentiful amounts of food.
What right does money have to tell me what the ******** I should do? IT'S PAPER! IT'S METAL! It's only paper and metal! When did paper win? When did ignorance flourish?
I truly believe that so many people out here, all around us. Understand this, and roll their eyes. They know it's true, but it's impossible to live any other way. It's impossible, impossible, impossible.
Do you know how crippling that word is? "Impossible"? But it's true, isn't it? A person can't simply give up money, the life-force of society. Two people couldn't do that, nor three, nor four, nor ten or twenty more!...........Or could they?
Well now you start to think, and calculate. You start to try and think of all the ways that it could fail, that it has to fail. But always, deep down, there's that annoying pain in your mind that tells you that you know it's true.
What is that pain? Is it your conscience? NooOoo...is it, the devil? NoooOo...is it, just pain in general? NooOoo... you know what it is? It's fear.
I'm too afraid to let go of these invisible shackles, and thus I'll sit and toil until someone does it for me. What if I'm that person? What if I'm the one to begin removing those shackles? What if I could help you, so that you'd in turn help me? And we'd help others, who'd help us, and would help even more people? Hm?
What if we could pay more attention to our children, or to a calm breeze? What if we started listening to the world? Instead of yelling over the phone that the rates of our bank are too low? That celebrities are too fat? That you're too fat? That he/she is a dirty liberal, or pig republican?
What if tomorrow, I suddenly popped and went "crazy"? Would I fail? Maybe...though I'm not sure. So many people around me are miserable, it just might work to give them something to believe in again. Heh, I'll think about it some more tomorrow.
 Cerberus Alto · Sat Jan 20, 2007 @ 08:03am · 1 Comments |
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