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Barbie Theory
1. How did Barbie become a doctor without having a college degree? The answer to that is the widely accepted fact that Barbie is a slut. To get her many wonderful jobs (such as doctor, teacher, rock star, and veterinarian to name a few) , she simply sleeps with people who are very influential in each career. Now, you can only imagine Ken's emotional pain when he finds Barbie with a different man in their bed every night. It is our opinion that this emotional overload caused Ken to become homosexual or "gay". We also believe that Ken began to have an affair with Alan (Midge's husband). Undoubtedly' there was tension between the four friends (Barbie, Midge, Ken , and Alan) when Midge became aware of Alan's cheating. Alan left Midge as a single mother of two for Ken, and Ken hasn't talked to Barbie since.(I hear he is very happy.)

2. Did Barbie ever go to school at all? There is no proof of her having ever attended Elementary, Middle, or High school. Where is her cardboard diploma?

3. Midge: Teen Mom- We can guess that Ryan is about Kelly's age (3-5), and Barbie seems to be eighteen. It makes sense that Midge would be the same age. Do the math, and you find that Midge was about fifteen when she had Ryan. While on the topic of the "Happy Family" I think that it is appropriate to discuss Midge and Alan's marriage. What marriage you ask? Exactly. There was never a marriage in the "Happy Family" series of dolls. Where did Alan come from? Imagine this scenario:
Midge: Hey, Barbie! How are things?
Barbie: Oh, how they always are. What about you?
Midge: Well, I found this great new thing. I got a mail-order husband! He should be here any day now! Ryan's so excited.
Barbie: Huh... so.. you really think that that'll work out ok?
Midge: Oh, yes. I'm sure we'll be very happy together! I'm already pregnant!
Barbie: ......But...he isn't even here yet..
Midge: Oh! I didn't tell you about that great guy i me on My Space!
Which brings me to my My Space theory...No I'm only joking! I wouldn't do that to you! Speaking of pregnant Barbies, what is wrong with the Barbie company. They make really bizarre toys. A cat that pees, a dog that poops, and a pregnant Barbie for example.

4. Why can Barbie never keep a job? Is she an unreliable employee? Is she simply unhappy in that career? It's most likely because she can't keep a job. Her mental problems interfere with her work and she is fired again, and again, and again.

5. Barbie's money: With her many different jobs, Barbie must earn an appreciable income. Where does the money go. Well she has to pay for her drugs somehow, but Barbie also spends tons of money on boats, clothes, houses (how many does she need?), clothes, and sport cars. However, she spends hardly anything on stuff for Skipper, Kelly, and Krissy. Skipper, Kelly, and Krissy have almost no clothes or toys compared to what Barbie gets for herself.

6. Cars: Barbie obviously doesn't know anything about driving safely. Only some of her cars have seat belts, and some of them come with cell phones! This is not how we want future generations of girls to think about driving.

7. Why did Barbie compete on American Idol if she was already a rock star. My guess is that she was losing popularity as a song artist and needed the publicity. Erica believes that Barbie only won because she slept with Simon and Randy to get the two votes that she needed (no offense to Simon or Randy).

8. Have you ever noticed that Barbie does not own a toilet? All she has is a sink. Barbie is bulimic. She doesn't need a toilet because she throws up in the sink after she eats. Maybe she developed this eating disorder when she worked at McDonald's. Teresa noticed that Barbie had put on a few pounds, thus shaking Barbies mental stability.*I recently discovered that Barbie does, in fact, own a toilet now. We have concluded that this is due to the fact that the sink was clogged too often, so a better method for disposing of the vomit was necessary.

9. Kelly: Have you ever noticed that Ryan and Kelly look exactly the same except for their hair? It isn't just Ryan; any boy doll that is Kelly's age looks just like her. Is the company lazy, or is Ryan gay? Also, have you ever noticed that Kelly has only one black friend, and she doesn't have any Asian or Hispanic friends?I would like to have a Japanese Kelly. That would be very cool. Poor Kelly has to deal with Barbie. If barbie is a doctor, guess who is the patient. If she is a teacher, guess who is the student. Etc. Now, the everyone has seen the potty training Kelly doll, but have we not also seen Kelly going to school. Aren't you supposed to be potty trained way before you attend school? It is because of confusing situations such as this that it it is impossible to tell how old Kelly is really supposed to be.

10. Why is Barbie a bulimic slut? Much blame must lie with her negligent parents. At a young age, Kelly and Skipper were dumped on Barbie. Let's face it people, no one wants to be raised by Barbie. The stress drove Barbie to start drugs, and because she was hanging around the wrong "crowd", she picked up many unhealthy habits like bulimia. What about Skipper and Kelly? What could living with Barbie do to a young girl mentally? Skipper has always been Barbie's opposite (a sort of tomboy). It is very possible that she and Kelly could pick up unhealthy habits as well, such as slitting their wrists.

11. A bit more about Barbie's parents: Krissy is Barbie's sister. Midge's parents are really old, so Barbie's parents must be old, too. Krissy is about one year old. That's really gross. It's hard to say how old Kelly is, but I would guess three or five. Even though she's a little older than Krissy, that's still really gross.

12. Barbie Christmas: Have you ever seen the Christmas Barbie? What about Hanukkah Barbie or Kwanzaa Barbie? St. Lucia Barbie, etc. I don't think so. I'm not so worried about Barbie being politically correct (I just like to rant), but some people are.

13. Barbie is a curse on America's young girls. She is perfect on the outside, and since know one can see her screwed up inside many children come to believe that everyone is supposed to look like Barbie. The pressure of trying to seem perfect, can compromise a girl's mental state. She can become overly sensitive and neglect school because she believes it is unimportant. Barbie is ruining society.