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Hey...

Oh gosh, I didn't think it would be that hard to type this. In fact, I had it all planned in my head already.

Ok.

I'm leaving. For real. Not just for a week or whatever. I know how I'm always going on about how I'll miss you guys and everything, but I'm serious. I will.

Remember how I'd said that I missed the vietnam kids (fine.) guys alot? Yea, I did. In fact, I missed them so much that I dreamt about them last night again and nearly cried when I woke up. It was life-changing...trust me.

But when you wake up, and realize that you're back in reality, you really feel like crying. I used to think that dreams were the real reality, but now I see that that's not it. I've just been too caught up in my ideals that I've failed to see it all along that there is no way I can escape the truth. And the truth is that I belong to this world, to this place, Singapore, where I have to be who everyone dictates me as. And there's no way for me to break free, to run off to vietnam, or even to gaia where I can be away from everything, because it's just temporary. When I go back, or when the computer switches off...It's back here. Back to being Gloria.

Gaia has been truly a paradise for me, like a fantasy world, the same kind I've read and searched since I was young. But that's just it.

I'm 15. And much as I dislike it, I've got my road paved for me in education all the way until university. I'm sorry...I just can't stay as the slacker me for long, and I know it. Next year and the following two years are crucial in my education. And my life. I just have to fail 60 percent and all the hopes and dreams of everyone around me vanishes. Poof, just like that. And with theirs, mine would follow too.

I've been quite lucky so far. I still manage to do well without studying much. But next year, it'll be much tougher. I wish I hadn't been born here, as the daughter of my father, or even that I hadn't got into GEP or Nanyang or whatever. Sometimes I even think it's a curse to do well, because all everyone expects is more.

I don't know what you guys think of me really, or whether you really know who I am. I mean, I came to Gaia to escape from everyone, and I'm glad I found what I'm looking for. If all you see from me is a girl who gets everything, you're wrong. I may be able to do well without even trying, I may be lucky all my life, but I'll never be able to get the freedom I yearn so much for, and while many may say that everyone wishes for that, you can never really understand how much it means to me unless you're me.

I think I've said about enough. Just wanted to say that I'm really sorry for having to leave. I love you guys, seriously. You've probably been the bestest and most true friends I've ever had. But it's time for me to wake up to my reality.

I won't say goodbye now. I'll only leave on christmas. I promise.