So, I was caught on the computer last night.. I am grounded... for the weekend. I'm just lucky it wasn't my dad who caught me, or else it would of be longer.
I'm quite miserable. Today wasn't fun or anything... not even fourth period. I was so bored it wasn't even cool.
I'm tired of my parents getting angry at me. I'm tired of everyone hating me. I'm tired and tired and sometimes I just want to die.
I really want to go back to Widdifield, where I used to be happy ... where all my friends are. Where I won't be lonely anymore.
... My parents won't let me go back to Widdifield... They don't care about my happiness, they even said. They said I'm not going, but I don't care what they say ... I'll hurt myself, or I'll even run away, or ... I'll do anything but I won't go back to Ferris alone. I don't want to be alone anymore.
I don't want to hurt anymore like this... I don't want to face this lonliness alone day-by-day... where no one cares about how I feel, and everyone looks at me with cruel eyes no matter where I go.
I wonder what it'd be like to die... do I have any reason to live?
Add on: Okay, I was a bit out of line when I wrote this... I'm afraid I was in an awful mood and the feeling was fresh, so I just wrote what I was thinking... I always write what I'm thinking. I know, I know .. it's ridiculous... but I'm not saying I won't resort to extreme measures to be where I want to be. Hurting myself is a little much, but I will do SOMETHING.
Well, anyways, last night... hmmm... talked to Dustin. My friends can't keep their mouths shut, and so he knows that I like him. >_>;; Well uh, I guess it was kind of obvious... I'm not exactly discreet, am I? Well, me and Dustin talked for a really long time, and first he warned about the things I might not like about him, and then said that we should hang out and then if I still like him afterwards he'd be willing to date me.
... What a nice change, someone I like who's willing to give me a chance...
Although, I told him that 'he' is still first in my heart, and I warned him about that. I think I'll always have feelings for 'him', no matter what he does to me.
But I do like Dustin even if not as much, and who knows, maybe something will blossom over time. I'd be willing to try to make it work...
But you know, like me, he prefers video games over dancing any day. Heheh. Although dancing is nice too...
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