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My Paranoid Life... In case you didn't know, I am extremely twitchy and "no touchy no touchy" with people I'm not really comfortable with... ...I control my reactions too much sometimes and only my friends can tell what is really going through my head most of the time.

Community Member
A lot has happened...
...since I last wrote in here.

First off I graduated xd
It was held at the metrocenter. When we got to the entrance all the graduates there were spazzing because the people inside (officials) wouldn't open the doors for us despite our graduation robes. After a while we were lead into an incredibly long hallway and told to get our white collars on. We had to pin them on and it was horribly complicated, no one could get it. Anyway, we were forced to wait like an hour in that hallway thinking any minute now we were going out. Once the led us into the main area we all sat down and the people started doing there speeches. The only one that touched me though and didn't sound cliche was from our class president, a friend of mine, named Greg. He had been blunt and honest and joked about our year. He definately has charisma and truly knows how to touch people with his words. When I talked to my family later, they told me that he was the only one that made any impression on them.
My memory is fading but I just remember he had said something that started getting me teary. I believe it was about our parents. I was almost to the point of crying when he started on that, because I had been searching for my dad who was coming seperately from my ma and sis and I had been searching for him like mad and I couldn't find him anywhere. And he doesn't exactly blend in easily. He is almost always late to everything and I was beginning to think he had been to this too.
When they lined my row up to wait to get called, I was freaking out. I had seen the students who went up the stage do a weird hand shake thingy with the principal and I was confused. When I met the lady right before the stairs she handed me a little fishing bob thingy, apparently it was a joke between the senior class and the principal.
My biggest fear about graduating was that I would trip on stage or on the stairs. I am a natural clutz so it was a realistic fear. It didn't help that I had been warned off saying I wouldn't be allowed to cross the stage if I wore my ever-present knee high steel toe boots, so I ended up wearing immpratical delicate little high heels that just begged for tripping. I had been joking with Ian for a few weeks about it. I had been worried too that it would be perfectly silent (no cheering) when my name was called, but once they did call my name I didn't even think to pay attention to that, all my focus was on walking.
I nearly went right past the officials by the other side of the stage (not on it though) in my rush to get out of the spotlight. But one of them happened to be my senior English teacher and she called out for me. If it hadn't been her I would probably have blocked it out. But it was the fact that it was a familiar voice that drew my attention. Turns out whatever they handed me on stage wasn't my actuial diplmoa, just what held it.
In my spaced headedness I didn't remember that Ian was sitting on the elevated bleaches not 10-15 ft. away from where I stood, which he teased me for later, saying he had been cheering and calling for me. I should have remembered because I had spotted him earlier during the endless speeches.
After the ceremony I met up with my family again and Dad suddenly appeared outta nowhere. I pratically threw myself at him, hugging him like mad and demanding where he had been at the same time. We all decided to go out to eat, but Mom needed to go home and take a nap because she had a migraine, so Dad offered to drive me there when we were ready.
I found Ian surisingly quick and we joked around. I had taken off my shoes due to discomfort and was just standing barefoot in the grass and had already taken off my grad. gownOnce again the fear of tripping came up again and I told him "you try walking in these things" and of course, Ian took the challenge and pranced around for a bit. He barely fit in them but managed to prance all the same rolleyes
I didn't wanna make dad wait long so I quickly said my goodbyes but when I met up with dad on the stairs to the metro he pratically turned me right around telling me, "don't rush, this is a big day for you. go ahead and hang out"
Sometimes I absolutely love my dad. I knew he was hurting pretty bad from all the stairs and had to be bored outta his mind but he refused to ask me to hurry and told me to take my sweet time.
So I went back and Ian introduced me to his family, His dad & grandparents if I remember correctly. I could see where Ian got his goofiness from though xd
After a half hour or so I went back to dad and we all hung out and went out to eat. It was nice. I was rather surprised when a few groups of graduates also went to the same diner. Anyway, it was an awesome day xd

Secondly - I had my knee surgery
I had it done by a super knee specialist. It was at a major hosiptal about 2 hours away from here. We borrowed my auntie's SUV because I wouldn't be able to get comfortable in our intrepid fresh from surgery, I'd be too cramped. Dad had called off work so he'd be free to come. He runs his own business so all he had to do was rearrange times with his clients.
Dad is a control freak *lol* He had to be the one to drive, he hates being a passenger in the car. Not sure why though, maybe it is b/c he is a race car driver or something.
Once we got there and signed in and everything and were waiting to get called back, I could tell Dad was uneasy. He was never one for hospitals, especially since his own knee surgery went awry. I really appreciated him coming. I know it definately wasn't easy for him. Mom was being her normal, spacey self.
When the called me back and had me change they then led me to the rolling bed thingy. For some reason the doctor was behind or something because I ended up being there for an hour or two, just waiting...
Ma and Da went to go get food after a while and I was soooo jealous... I was not allowed to eat or drink for like 12-24 hours before my surgery and I was going mad. I could handle no food easily, but I am a big drinker. I always have to have something at hand to drink, it's something I take from Dad's side. Both him and my grandma are like that too. None of us can go a half hour without drinking something.
Anyway, while they were gone the doc finally decided to show up and I asked if I could wait until they get back and he disappeared again... Ma showed up a few minutes later... without dad. Apparently he was on a hunt to find a spot to smoke. It took ma about 20 minutes to find him and I was freaking out, thinking I would be forced to go to surgery before seeing him again. Dad's presence and confidence is a serious comfort for me and I wanted another hug beforehand. It is a pretty much a tradition now in this family to do so before surgeries. And yes, surgeries are rather common in my family apparently sincw we've had enough to form traditions. This was my 2nd surgery, my sister has had 3, ma - 2, da - 3, grandma - (lord knows how many she's had xp )
Anyway, I fended off the doc long enough to get my hug xd

One thing about my sugery that pissed me off though is they didn't tell me when they put in the anestesia, so I don't remember passing out. In my previous one they had let me know and I thrilled at fighting it as long as I could. They had told me to count back from 100 and that it works really fast and people usually only get to 97. Me... I got to 78 xd I love a challenge. The thing that had kept me optomistic about the surgery was the chance at fighting off the anestia with nothing but willpower again, but they screwed me out of it domokun

After the surgery, I kinda forced myself to rush through recovery. Making myself wake up sooner instead of enjoying the blissful dreamless sleep. I had done the same with my other surgery, because I could tell Dad was ansy. He tries to hide it, neither Ma or any of the staff seemed to sense it, but I did, I know him and am sensitive to feelings.
Before I knew it, I was once again in the SUV, struggling to get comfortable with the brace and super sensitive knee. Every bump brought spasming pain but I bit it back, not wanting to worry my parents. Mam had opted to sit in the back with me to help keep my knee in position because I couldn't really control it enough to keep my toes facing up. sweatdrop I ended up getting sick though because the intense pain though, I couldn't hide the strength of it then xp

On to recovery.
I healed rather fast. I was forced to wear a brace keeping my leg straight for a week or two and then I went back for post-op visit and the doctor took off the brace and checked my flexibility. Obviously, people aren't able to go past 30 degrees that soon after that specific surgery. But I'm not like everyone else. I was able to go clear to 90 degrees and probably could have bent more but the doctor actually stopped me in shock. He told me that was definately not normal but it wasn't necissarily bad either.
I was supposed to start therapy 2 weeks after surgery, but I didn't manage to make an appointment until a full month or so. And according to usual protocol, I'm supposed to ease into 20% of weight bearing at 6-8 weeks (meaning putting that much of my body weight on that leg and using crutches) but I was already at that point before I even joined therapy. I was at least 3 weeks ahead of schedule. But I was actually scared to tell my therapist for fear of getting chided like mad. By the time I was supposed to be at 50% and using a single crutch I was already around 90% and not using any help other than a hand on the wall for guidance and support and my therapist just plain gave up on trying to get me to slow down on it. He had by then discovered my stubborness and determination on the issue. When I went for the 3 month post op visit I told him about it and he was completely shocked at the sheer speed of my recovery, and he had been a surgeon for knees for at least a dozen or more years. He had never seen anyone recover that quickly. The quickest he had really seen at least 3-4 weeks behind what I was at. And at the time of that visit they would just be getting to bending to 90 degrees and when the doc did the flexibility test again, I was able to get my heel to beside my hip without much discomfort. I had completely stupified the knee specialist. I heart doing that to people xd especially to those supposed not to be surprised by anything

Current Therapy.
My therapist actually turned out to be my 2nd year sign language teacher's father mrgreen Isn't that odd?
Anyway, Now that flexibility isn't an issue anymore, it is just strength now. Considering my knee has been f****d up for over 4 years now most of the muscle in my calves and thighs have wasted away and are rather weak. I'm now going to therapy twice a week and doing excercises at home everyday to build up my strength again.

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