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Why do you want to keep doing this....Bearing this stupid grudge. Isn't it enough that you've made ME bear the freaking guilt for a year? And it wasn't even totally my fault. Or a totally bad thing either. I didn't backstab you, or betray you like you think. And you even had to drag your bf and your ex-bf into this thing. Isn't it enough? I think it is.

I haven't said anything. I didn't ignore you like you so obviously did though you deny it, nor did I go around complaining to everyone about YOU. I didn't push the blame anywhere either. What did you expect me to do huh? I was your good friend. Maybe still am. Who knows? You don't even trust me enough anymore anyway.

And you probably won't read this. You probably don't even know that I have a freaking journal here. All you care is pretending that you're all miserable in your blog, telling your bf who in turn comes to me about how you're so upset at us. You were cutting yourself ok? What were we supposed to do?! And all we did was tell a teacher that you actually LIKE because we couldn't stop you. And it wasn't just me. Just because I was the one who told the teacher doesn't mean that the other two weren't in on it too. They weren't with me because I wanted you to at least have someone with you when you ignore me. Which you obviously did. And stop putting on this facade. It's stupid. You pretend to be all smiley face so that people would know that you are pretending when you are actually miserable. And all you want is the attention. And tell your bf that he doesn't even know our past, so he has no right to tell us to 'reconcile'. Especially if he's blaming everything on me. Hello, I'm not the insane person who's cutting herself up here.

So what if you pretend to still be my good friend? I know how you feel, how you're still mad at me. I thought it wouldn't matter, really I did. But I know it does. You do things that you shouldn't. You say things that you don't know. Don't you understand...Don't any of you? I guess not. you'll enver understand anyway, because to you, i'm just this person who will 'always be there'. Though you are mad at me. Well, open your eyes. Perhaps i won't always be there anymore. I'm so sick and tired of pretending to be nice just so that you would forgive me. Sick and tired of wasting my money organizing our stupid chalets every year, and knowing that you wouldn't pay me back though it's agreed that we split the cost. Just because I never ask anyone for money back. You know I care too much to not care.

But perhaps I've stopped caring. Coz I really don't want to care anymore. No. Never. I don't want to care...

But do I have a choice? You've been my friend for 3 years. Can I stop caring? It seems like you have. And why would all of you say? What would your boyfriend say? That i'm ditching you? Haha. Who's ditching who. Even if I have to play the bad guy now, I don't care. Coz I really don't want to. No more. tears. No more.