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Yeah. Two journal entries on the same day.
I made that one before I read Zahir's journal.
I stalk him there once in a while to see if there's any news, etc.
And boy, did I get some news.
Steve's sister is really sick. That would be Zahir. Yeah, he's got a real name. Mods are people. And he's got a sister named Natalie. He posted that she's in the hospital; an infection got bad. You can read about it in his journal entry.
I mean... I made a thread in the LI forum... I'm having trouble... with my faith. Not in God. I'm all set on that; I'm having trouble with my faith of life. And LI couldn't really answer me... but maybe that's because I posted it at the ungodly hour of 4 am-ish. And I was concerned about that; it's not good to not have faith in something like that.
But then, I saw Steve's journal. He told me about it before; I just didn't think it was this bad. I mean, yes, I know she was in the hospital, but the only few times I've ever heard of that happening... it wasn't too bad. The person was out in a few days. But... Nat's really ill. And Steve is being a great brother. He's staying with her in the hospital and I can tell he's really worried about her.
And, in case you all couldn't tell, it's him that I'm in love with. He likely doesn't read my journal so... I don't think he'd randomly get angry at me for it; plus, he seems too intelligent to get angry at something like this.
But... yeah. I wish there was something I could do. I can't do s**t. I wanted to draw a card that he could print out or something for his sister. After ******** up on it 8 billion times because all I could think of was how sad he would be, looking at her ill... I decided to draw that.
And the drawing sucks, too.
And I thought of something to say to Nat, too. I posted both the picture and my "hallmark" saying in Steve's journal. If he really does read it to her, she'll think I'm an idiot, I'll bet. I sounded really dumb, even though I was trying to be sincere.
I really do want her to get better. And I couldn't sleep after reading his journal. And I really don't give a s**t if this is "caring too much". I do care. I like caring for Steve. It's what made me love him in the first place.
He's a great, easy-going person. Talked to him through PMs and AIM. No masks, no acting, no second guessing. Everything is right there with him. He's honest, frank, and kind.
I just feel so bad that his sister is ill. It frustraits me. Makes me want to hit things.
All that will do is make my hand hurt even more. And if I keep hitting my monitor, I'm afraid it'll break one of these days... so I should stop that.
I prayed for her to get better. Got down on my knees, folded my hands, closed my eyes, and prayed.
I want to do something and not just sit there like a false idol!
But... really.... Steve, my heart goes out to you and Natalie.
It really does.
And that's not all; I'm worried to death about IHD. I can't put too much here, because I don't know if she wants people to know her business... but I hope it works out.
I hope she can come back to us, smiling and happy.
Stephanie, you were never a bother. I didn't mind you telling me what hurt you. If my words soothed you, it was worth it. I don't mind listening. That's what friends are for.
And now... now I go collapse in my bed. My heart's beating a mile a minute. I don't think it likes it when I don't sleep and worry.
Angel Rosiel · Sat Oct 07, 2006 @ 02:33pm · 0 Comments |
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