... This time, it was Steven's party, and SO many people were invited. O_o;;; Practically all people I don't know so naturally I was uncomfortable.

... And of course, he was there.

I spent most of the night avoiding him, and running away. I sulked so bad I practically ruined my night. I wanted to fix things, but naturally ... I messed up again.

You see, before he left I wanted to talk to him, but so many people were pressuring him that by the time I got him alone, the moment was no longer special. So naturally I couldn't say anything I REALLY wanted to say, and I made a complete fool of myself.

... Yes, I told him I really like him, but that wasn't what I wanted to say... What I wanted to say was so much, very so much more. So many things I wanted to say... I wanted him to know how special he is to my heart.

But nope, instead I looked at my feet almost the whole time and muttered everything. He said there wasn't much chance of him going out with me, and I said, "Yeah... That's fine..." In the tiniest voice ever.

NO, IT'S NOT FINE. >__<

I wanted him to know... I wanted him to realize...