I don't know just how much more stress I can handle anymore...
Everything is just so dark to me now... Even my own mind, which used to be ONLY safe haven.
I'm getting to be so disgustingly emo and angsty.
Today, my school bag was stolen, so my binders, my first issue of Negima, my small sketchbook, house key, and my best makeup was stolen along with it. I'm unbelieveably upset, but not only do I get to be upset with myself, but my parents are upset with me too... As if I WANTED my bad to be stolen. Granted this was all my fault, was what I thinking? Sure old ladies are usually nice, but.. christ. I guess this one wasn't, seeing as she's either the one who took it or she just LET someone take it. At least I got Super Smash Brothers and some Naruto game + a ton of new manga now... but still... I hope to god it turns up at lost and found.
School was just as sucky today. People are truly irritating. Today I just snapped completely on my fourth period class, screamed at them, then stormed out with a series of curses to spend the rest of the period at office. My math teacher is a b*****d for letting those stupid retards at the back start s**t constantly and does nothing about it. They deserved what I said to them, but I doubt they cared anyways. Maybe I should of slapped them upside the head first...
And inside, inside... everything is just so cold. I can't stand it. Even if things are much better now then before, I still feel that icy touch... Like everything is simply obligated. Like everything is forced... But no, that compassion that one night was truly genuine... Actual caring. Yet I'm still no where in your heart, I can tell. Nevermatter, I will keep trying to the upmost of my abilities... I want to prove my feelings and shine through. Even... even though I don't have much to shine through with... As much as I hate to think it, I know I'm selfish and unkind inside. I wish I could be as giving as other people, as thankful, but instead all I do is b***h all day and display how ugly I am. Is that why no one loves me, especially you?
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